Author Sweets1919 Posted May 11, 2007 Author Posted May 11, 2007 Hi, Thanks everyone for your comments. It is interesting to see the different points of view. I also find it funny how one poster said that I never compliment him....when in fact I do. Like I said before, I do mention that he looks handsome, sexy, tell him he did a good job and work and I am proud of him for how hard he works. I do things like send thoughtful text messages, bake him cookies, make him dinner and breakfasts when he is in town at my house (almost every weekend). I feel like I am doing a lot so when he makes these HINTS, it makes me feel like I am not doing enough. So I will try a bit harder and see how it goes. Thanks also to the posters who seem to understand my lack of enthusiasm about his motorbike ad and that it was an ad and not a gigantic purchase or life changing event. What I don't understand is why some are seeing me as "self centred" when in fact it is him aching for the compliments and making everything all about him. (Instead of him saying "that sounds great, I'd love to go out next weekend when your parents are here"...he turns it around on me and, not even saying "you didn't invite me FIRST" (I don't think it was about that)...it was him wanting to be #1 saying "I am going and THEY can come with me". To me that is ego and self centred.
Teddy and Jane Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I'm totally with you, Sweets. You sound like an awesome girlfriend. As far as the raincoat goes, raincoats are not particularly stylish or attractive in most cases, more functional than anything...so I'm wondering if he may be partly gay? The fact that he is into you noticing a RAINCOAT, for heaven's sake, and is upset when you don't...almost sounds like he may have feminine qualities. Also you are in a ldr, so maybe it was just a piece of clothing he already had and hadn't worn with you before, so you didn't know it was new. As a woman, I would never be upset if a guy didn't notice my new raincoat. I might say "I finally get a chance to wear my new raincoat!" I wouldn't be fishing for compliments, though. He sounds like a whiny baby. Waaaahhhh! As far as talking about your future, if you are in your mid to late twenties, or older, it's OK to see a guy for 6 months and then have the "talk" if he hasn't brought it up yet. You have a right to know if he is thinking marriage as his ultimate goal with you, or if he isn't, you have a right to share that you are looking to get married and have kids. It's perfectly OK to put that into his head. If he balks at it, then that means he is not serious. If he acts the immature way your bf did, that means he is not serious about it (marriage) with you. Why waste your time, possibly years, only to find out he has no intentions of the same longterm goals and commitment with you? I suggest you reconsider this relationship and find someone who appreciates you for the generous, caring person you are instead of someone who tries to "edit" what you should be saying to him. Ick.
Author Sweets1919 Posted May 11, 2007 Author Posted May 11, 2007 Thanks T & J for the response. I think I'll see how it goes for now and see if things improve at all. By the way, I am 33 and he is 31 so it's not like we are teenagers. Thanks also for the support regarding my "future" talk with him. My only concern was that he has seemed totally fine with how things are (LDR) and I was worried about being still in an LDR without any direction still two years from now....racking up the time together, turning 36, without any commitment or progress towards one. Although I know it freaked him out. I am going to do my best to just see how the next few months go.Thanks
Krytellan Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Regardless of what the truth is, as long as you open your mind to the possibility that difficulties in relationships are often based more on interaction than one person's internal flaws, you will be fine.
Teddy and Jane Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Regardless of what the truth is, as long as you open your mind to the possibility that difficulties in relationships are often based more on interaction than one person's internal flaws, you will be fine. Unless the way her bf interacts is being a really selfish, immature boy by insisting on compliments and actively trying to make her feel like she isn't a good girlfriend because she doesn't kiss his butt over every little thing.
Krytellan Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Unless the way her bf interacts is being a really selfish, immature boy by insisting on compliments and actively trying to make her feel like she doesn't do much when in fact, she does. You know, I understand that she may not be as bad as her boyfriend makes her out to be. However, I have looked this post over three times and fail to see at what point she was such an incredibly awesome girlfriend. Just fill me in so I can ride the wave too!
Teddy and Jane Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 She said she compliments him often and calls him sexy, praises him about his work, cooks dinner and breakfast for him when he visits....where in there are you seeing bad girlfriend? Because I'm not reading that he just lavishes her with praise and his awesomeness.
Teddy and Jane Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Hi, Like I said before, I do mention that he looks handsome, sexy, tell him he did a good job and work and I am proud of him for how hard he works. I do things like send thoughtful text messages, bake him cookies, make him dinner and breakfasts when he is in town at my house (almost every weekend). I feel like I am doing a lot so when he makes these HINTS, it makes me feel like I am not doing enough.
sb129 Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 Thanks T & J for the response. I think I'll see how it goes for now and see if things improve at all. By the way, I am 33 and he is 31 so it's not like we are teenagers. Thanks also for the support regarding my "future" talk with him. My only concern was that he has seemed totally fine with how things are (LDR) and I was worried about being still in an LDR without any direction still two years from now....racking up the time together, turning 36, without any commitment or progress towards one. Although I know it freaked him out. I am going to do my best to just see how the next few months go.Thanks Hey sweets- knowing your ages definitely puts a slightly different slant on things, I can totally see where you are coming from re: not wanting to have progressed in a few years time. And your BF sounds a little immature for 31! When women get to a certain age, they don't HAVE an infinite amount of time to waste, and thats just the way it is. I am 29, and I definitely want kids in the next 5 years, so I probably wouldn't even consider dating someone who wasn't open to that possibility. I don't want to wait until its going to be difficult to concieve, and I don't want to have to go thru the stress of IVF or being an older parent. Others may beg to differ, but thats how I feel. I have had my years of partying and dating people for fun!!!! Luckily my BF feels the same way- we have only been together six months, but thanks to online dating profiles, I knew he wanted kids one day before I even met him..... and its looking more and more likely that he might want them with me...
MissKissNada_Gal Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 he likes u too much maybe... hes a whiny little baby i mean... id dump him, but if u think u to can work this out, just talk to him and ask him wut hes thinking. hes obviously asking for some attention. if i were u id dump him tho:)
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