LoveSux Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 It's finally over. It was over TODAY. Naturally, I am numb. We met, spoke for over an hour and he finally told me that his interest in me was 'purely academic' and that I was a good student. But that was that. So I'm sitting here, numb. I thought at some level, he felt SOMETHING but apparently - no. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Just 'academic interest'. I feel like someone has wrenched my heart out and stamped all over it. Does this pain ever really go away? How do you cope when something is over, even if was just a one-sided infatuation? Help!
bchlvr Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Love- In my obsessive infatuations, I inevitably felt tremendous hurt, sadness and rejection when I learned that things would go nowhere. The sadness was real even though it was "only an infatuation." The hurt was real even though the feelings were not mutual from the outset. The rejection felt real even when it was clear that I could no longer hold on to the fantasy that the other person wanted me/desired me too. This kind of infatuation with all the accompanying feelings was an escape from the loneliness and emptiness I felt deep inside. This other person cares for me, believes in me, encourages me, says in so many ways, I am am good, I am loveable. Things that were lacking that I badly needed to provide for myself. Your feelings are valid and I know you are hurting. You are grieving a loss. But try to think inwardly about how you are feeling about your marriage and yourself. Is this infatuation taking away pain? What is that pain about? In some ways the infatuation can be a mirror of what your needs are and what needs healing inside. As hard as it is, your professor has set a clear limit and ultimately that may help you to move on more quickly than if he was wishy washy. He's not rejecting you as a person. This has nothing to do with you personally. It sounds like he would and will do set this boundary with any student of his. Teachers and students who are peers enter into this grey area very easily (at least that is my experience teaching). I guess it's the nature of the the relationship that brings up a lot of feelings So, you are not alone. Your professor is trying to manage the teacher-student relationship appropriately. You have not screwed anything up. You are doing a great thing for yourself by taking classes. It comes as a surprise sometimes that our efforts to try new things, to unlock our creativity also challenge us to deal with our deeper issues.
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