Guest Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I met this guy online about two weeks ago and we've really hit it off. He's 38 and I'm 34. He was married for < 1 year and has been officially divorced for about 2 - 3 months. Everytime he has called me we've talked for 2 -3 hours about everything under the sun. We met after a few days and had a great first date. We talked for hours and before we knew it...it was 1AM. He just kissed me goodnight at the door. I didn't expect to hear from him the next day, but he called and told me how much he enjoyed me and that he wanted to see me again. I already had plans, but invited him to come along. Again, we had a great time and all of my friends loved him. He called the next two days and again...great conversations. He invited me to his house and cooked dinner for me. We had great conversations and things went a little further than previously, but we didn't have sex. Almost immediately...I felt him sort of distance himself...but I didn't say anything and just went with it. The next day, I got a call from my boss...who asked me to take on a temporary assignment in CT for 4 months. They would fly me home every other weekend. I told this new guy about it and he didn't really say a whole lot. I need to take this assignment because it is the right thing to do for my career...but it just sucks because I really like this guy and want to get to know him better. I sort of had a meltdown (not in front of him)...because I know that we've only had a few dates and it's WAY too soon to think about defining what is going on here. I felt like I was screwed either way. If I just played it like Joe Cool...he'd think I wasn't interested and that I could care less about our relationship and he'd move on. But, if I told him that I really liked him...he'd freak out and think I was trying to pressure him into something more than what he was ready for...which was not my intention at all. I talked to him today and shared with him what I was struggling with and why. He told me that he respected me so much for telling him. He recognized that it was not easy for me to do that, but said that it's one of the things he likes about me...not only am I a cool girl, but also that I am not afraid to tell him exactly what is on my mind. He told me that he liked me too and that he's had a great time with me...BUT, that it's way too soon for us to know what is going to happen between us. (I agree..but it still sucks). He encouraged me to take the opportunity in CT and that he didn't want me to base my decision off of our relationship, which he recognized that I was not doing...he knew I had already decided to go. He let me go shortly after and ended by telling me he'd call me later. Did I completely screw things up by telling him so early on that I like him and I want to continue to get to know him better, despite this long distance assignment? Do you think I have a chance with him now...or have I totally messed up?? Any advice on how I should handle this now would be greatly appreciated!!!!!
str_Ay Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 the mind of a guy. lucky for u he is older and should understand. no offense to him, but, if he cant see that ur career is more important than packin down on a future relationship, he wouldnt be worth the keep. he needs to see u as the keeper for being independent and makin on ur own. and also realize how lucky he would be to have such a hard workin person. 4 months isnt a long time. and if anything, personally, it should bring u two closer. any chance u get together would make things more and more intimate. and once u'r home for good, u may realize how much better u two feel together ^_^
norajane Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 I don't think you did anything wrong, or ruined anything by being honest about your thoughts. (By the way, I've learned guys respond better to anything you tell them if you tell them your 'thoughts' not your 'feelings'. Just using that different word puts them more at ease, and makes you sound more 'logical' than 'emotional' even though you're saying pretty much the same thing. It works the same way when asking what they 'think' rather than what the 'feel'). I do think you're over-reacting to the separation, though. It's not like you'll be completely away for 4 months - you're going to be flying home every couple of weeks. You'll have time to get to know him. And 4 months passes in the blink of an eye.
Trimmer Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 the mind of a guy. lucky for u he is older and should understand. no offense to him, but, if he cant see that ur career is more important than packin down on a future relationship, he wouldnt be worth the keep... I have to take exception and defend "the guy" from this dismissive outlook here... I can almost see the rolling of the eyes: "The mind of a guy..." First she said: ... I know that we've only had a few dates and it's WAY too soon to think about defining what is going on here. Then later, He told me that ... it's way too soon for us to know what is going to happen between us. To me, this sounds like the 'mind of the guy' and the 'mind of the gal' are on the very same wavelength here... He told me that he respected me so much for telling him. He recognized that it was not easy for me to do that, but said that it's one of the things he likes about me... He encouraged me to take the opportunity in CT and that he didn't want me to base my decision off of our relationship, which he recognized that I was not doing...he knew I had already decided to go. He let me go shortly after and ended by telling me he'd call me later. He respects her, he encourages her to go take advantage of her career opportunities, and it doesn't sound like he's trying to break it off... What more do you want of a guy after a few dates? I think you should keep in contact, make some time to see him when you can when you are home, and see how it goes. If there's a real spark there, I don't see the fact of the out of state assignment as any significant impediment. Incidentally, if he is that recently divorced, he may be just as interested in taking things slowly anyway... And if he is interested in you, then telling him after a couple of dates that you would like to get to know him better, in spite of your assignment, shouldn't scare him away.
str_Ay Posted May 17, 2007 Posted May 17, 2007 no no eyes rolling on my part but sometimes for both genders its hard but im not even jus pushin it that way EVERY INDIVIDUAL guy or girl thinks differently but seriously if he's hard workin then im pretty sure he'd have a great perspective of what she's tryin to accomplish im not shootin anyone down but in the same sense everyone deserves a chance with a spark of hope
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