Responsible for my own happiness? I don't understand...

[inthegroove]

My girlfriend and I are going through a serious rough patch - basically she is not sure whether she wants to be with me - there are so many aspects of this problem I could post about here, but here's what I'm trying to understand at the moment...

 

I have often heard people say that you can't depend on your partner (or anyone else) for your happiness, and that everyone is responsible for their own feelings. This makes sense to me on an intellectual level, but these days my emotional state is completely dependent on how my girlfriend is feeling. If she's affectionate and positive about our relationship, I feel great because it gives me hope that we'll get through this. If she's distant and pessimistic, I feel terrible because I'm afraid I'm going to lose her.

 

So here's my question: How can you have feelings for a person without having them affect the way you feel?

 

Thanks for any ideas!

J