Jason024 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 We've only been going out for a few months but we became close. She had a history of drug use but assured me that it wasn't part of her life. Just recently I found out that she had an episode and went back to it. I haven't been feeling on the same level emotionally as her and I don't want to go on and keep her hoping. I feel its not the right thing to do. I feel that this thing she has done has affected our relationship but I do not feel I can tell her that. I also think that this history of drugs affects me and me feelings for her and I thought/hoped that it wouldn't be so I can see that I'm hurting her feelings and I pains me but I am not really certain that there will be a serious change in her life. She did not tell me about her episode it just slipped out My gut tells me to walk away but my heart is confused maybe because of the fact how much I can see that I hurt her. Is caring the same as deep love? I don't know, I don't think so. I guess by writing out my thoughts I realize that I do not love her and I just don't know if its worth to even try. I guess I'm just looking for some suggestions on how to deal with this...
KaneNAbel Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I feel that this thing she has done has affected our relationship but I do not feel I can tell her that. What was this thing that she has done? Was it a specific incident? I think this girl in my situation walked away from me for similar reasons. I wasn't on drugs or anything but she had tons of emotional baggage coming out of a 3 year relationship and she also mentioned our wants from the relationship were disproportionate after awhile. The ex boyfriend thing caused an element of insecurity in my situation and I think I may have been coming off as needy towards the end. Sound familiar? From the sounds of your situation, she seems like the needy one. It stings like hell for me, but I know that one day I could really appreciate that she walked away before it was too late. It was only after 3 months. Imagine if it was 3 years. I would've been screwed. I'm really curious what she did to affect your relationship. Elaborate if you feel comfortable doing so.
Author Jason024 Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 She went back to using hard core drugs even though it only happened once. She assured me at the beginning of our relationship that it was behind her and she would never go back to that stuff. Yet it happened again recently and she only told me cause it slipped out. She also said that she should go back into that stuff at any moment and it scares the crap out of me. There are also other mainly emotional issues that she has, especially with her family.
KaneNAbel Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 yeah, tell her to get some counseling. You'll just waste your life away if you are trying to "Save" her. I know it's more complicated than that, but you can't have the weight of her happiness and well being on your shoulders. It's just not healthy.
Author Jason024 Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 yeah its not healthy to continue down that road thanks
vp_fish Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Hello, this is my first post but have been reading for a few days now. I think about it this way ~ should he take her drug use as a sign that he should not be with her. I don't if the person is your soul mate. Once that has been established and I think after a point you do know when you look in the eyes that they are the ONE. I know that people can be fooled and fool themselves but if you are the one thinking that "man, this girl/guy is my one and only" then above all else that person should be your best friend. You have to stop making it about you and help a friend when thats what they need the most. Each situation is going to have different variables and tough love sometimes needs to be handed out. But you have to put forth the effort to help someone you care about.
polywog Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Jason, look for NAR-ANON meetings in your area, or ALANON. It will help you understand what happened. Google it. Getting involved with an addict has very specific problems. I know, I've been there, and was helped out by the meetings to get clear. Check it out. Good Luck.
Author Jason024 Posted May 11, 2007 Author Posted May 11, 2007 Thanks for all the responses. I'm trying to work this out in my head. I don't want to give her up from my life I realize. We talked a lot of things over and she promised/assured me that this is in the past now. I'll be away for a couple of weeks very soon so that will definitely give me some time and space to think everything thru. I guess everyone deserves a second chance. I just haven't experienced that type of unconditional love coming out from her.
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