Natural Cat Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I have been both a WS and a BS. My wife's A ended when I caught her. My A was many, many years ago; my wife did not know until I came clean as part of our reconciling. Anyway, we're doing well with one major exception - Sexuality. Our marriage isn't sexless, but I'm not satisfied. I would love sex daily and to me, I'm compromising by not being sexual everyday. She seems content with sex 2-3 times a month and it must follow the same predictable routine. My dissatisfaction is not limited to frequency. It is essential to me that my wife be present when we are sexual – to recognize me/be there with me. The 2-3 times a month we are sexual, I don't feel desired by my partner. It's more like she needs that release and I'm available to fulfill her need. Once she's good - see you in two weeks. If my partner doesn’t want to be sexual and/or doesn’t recognize me when we are sexual something absolutely vital is missing. My wife may be fulfilled by being recognized at other times in other ways – by me listening intently or providing adequate words of affirmation, showing affection/domestic support, whatever it may be. Mine is physical touch and sexual fulfillment and it always will be. After 20 years together, this is not news to her. My thread refers to a situation I am doing my best to avoid. Let's call her an acquaintance; a much younger, hot acquaintance. This person recognizes me and has made it clear that she desires me. I am attracted to her as well, but I won't go down that path again. Trouble is, I don't know how to best discuss this with my wife. She does not know this person and I have no plans of introducing them. I can go NC and for the most part have. That doesn't solve my problem. We've talked about our sexuality until I'm blue in the balls. I'm tired of having the same conversation over and over. Any suggestions on a new approach? What to do?
whichwayisup Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Cut that new person OUT of your life now....You're heading for disaster just by opening that door a crack. And, what I mean by that is, already you're letting the OW in by letting her make you feel good...That's a cancer waiting to happen to your marriage. You say you can go NC, so definately DO that! Talk to your wife about going to marriage counselling. I'm not sure how much more you can do, since you've said you're meeting her needs emotionally and being affectionate. Don't give up though, if you love her, keep trying.
Author Natural Cat Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Talk to your wife about going to marriage counselling. I'm not sure how much more you can do, since you've said you're meeting her needs emotionally and being affectionate. Don't give up though, if you love her, keep trying. We did MC for awhile, but she quit when we started getting into topics uncomfortable for her to discuss, i.e. sex. If she won't talk about it, I don't know what good going back to MC will do. I've considered IC for me to help cope with the void I feel. Of course I will keep trying. We've been together 20 years. I know I'm desirable, just don't know how to get my wife's attention.
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