Unoffensive, Harmless Sexual Banter -Think There's Such A Thing?

[riobikini]

Talking about *today's* current views -even in the face of all that's correct/appropriate in all kinds of relationships.

 

Just wondering what the rest of you think about friendly (meant-to-be) harmless sexual banter and flirting.

 

Do you think it still exists? Has it survived all the *new rules*?

 

(Smile)

 

How far do you think it's appropriate to go?

 

And with whom?

 

What are some of the situations where you feel it's OK to be a little more sexual with your comments, and your flirting?

 

Do you find it easier to flirt online than in person?

 

How does the social/business/educational background of the person influence what you say/how far you go?

 

(Give you the green light, or inhibit your conversation?)

 

Do you think of a person as being more sophisticated if they respond and interact with your banter?

 

Or less so?

 

And have you ever landed in deep you-know-what over something you said that offended someone while flirting?

 

As for myself there are limits- but I have this "flirt gene" that I can't deny.

 

It's harmless, but to the ultra-sensitive it might be a little offensive when in full gear.

 

It's never gotten me in over my head, though -and I know when to turn it off- and (usually) with *whom* I can flirt without it getting out of hand.

 

How intelligent -and fun- is your flirt gene?

 

Just wondering what LS'ers think.

 

-Rio

[a4a]

I do believe you can have harmless sexual banter (jokes) without actual flirting.

 

I guess it would depend on your definition of flirting ...... to me it means to crack a door open on actual interest or to tease a person.

[riobikini]

re:

 

a4a: " I guess it would depend on your definition of flirting ...... to me it means to crack a door open on actual interest or to tease a person."

 

 

 

 

That's just it, a4a -to flirt (as it has always been) is as varied in meaning/purpose to each idividual as there are (probably) grains of sand.

 

What sounds perfectly harmless to one person might mean something else, entirely, to someone else.

 

In one part of the globe, something you say in fun (in ignorance of the fact) might have a different meaning, than where you (I) grew up and were influenced.

 

But still -I think- where I'm from, there's probably more flirting and friendly, harmless sexual banter than anywhere else I've ever visited.

 

Almost never, no one gets offended.

 

It's kind of *expected*.

 

And most of us are sharp and ready with our comebacks.

 

Someone getting offended is rarely an issue.

 

-Rio

[ibitealil]

I feel men like it if an attractive girl is a little bit flirty, but innocent flirty if you r single and having fun. But if you r doing it constantly to draw others attention it makes them think you are a dumbo. You do the flirting only when theres a right moment, like when someone is making a joke or teasing u, or hitting on you, but saying sexual comments out of the blue just like that is not funny. and no, intelligence has got nothing to do with flirting. It comes natural and may be its connected to the personality and self confidence. and traditionally for men, sophisticated smart girls dont get carried away with sexual comments, especially in public.

 

For me im sometimes flirty, i flirt with my floormate who has a gf and who knows that i have a bf. We both know its not gonna lead to anything but its just fun when we catch up in the kitchen sometimes. (i live in the dorm) i dont like him but we r just friendly and hes very funny and always teases me. I also flirt with one of my classmates. We r buddies and he has a gf. We have this distance as friends and we r not attracted to each other but sometimes its just fun to do that harmless thing. But i wouldnt do that with other people out of the blue.

[riobikini]

My companion, "L", isn't in the least worried when I flirt with others.

 

He knows me well enough to know it's just me being me.

 

And that flirting gene was one of the things he found attractive in me.

 

He's at ease with it.

 

And he has his own subtle way of flirting -neither one of us takes it outside unspoken bounds.

 

We're never seeking anything -or anyone- when we flirt.

 

That comes from *security*, and self-confidence.

 

-Rio

[a4a]

re:

 

 

 

 

 

 

That's just it, a4a -to flirt (as it has always been) is as varied in meaning/purpose to each idividual as there are (probably) grains of sand.

 

What sounds perfectly harmless to one person might mean something else, entirely, to someone else.

 

In one part of the globe, something you say in fun (in ignorance of the fact) might have a different meaning, than where you (I) grew up and were influenced.

 

But still -I think- where I'm from, there's probably more flirting and friendly, harmless sexual banter than anywhere else I've ever visited.

 

Almost never, no one gets offended.

 

It's kind of *expected*.

 

And most of us are sharp and ready with our comebacks.

 

Someone getting offended is rarely an issue.

 

-Rio

 

 

Well there is wit and their is just outright sexual flirting/jokes.

 

IMHO you keep your hands to yourself no matter what.

 

I guess intent has quite a bit to do with it.

 

I do this often- but I am in no way serious with my remarks.

Nor would I ever make a sexual comment/joke with a person I did not know for quite a bit of time.

 

It must be mutual and with the proper amount of comfort allowed from all parties - known that it is to be taken in humor not as an invite.

[riobikini]

I agree with the "keeping your hands to yourself" part.

 

That would be crossing the line.

 

At "L's" grad party last saturday night, we were having a great time (the usual amount of flirting & conversation w/other people there) and this young lady from his graduation class came over to say "hello" to me (she'd never met me.)

 

It was obvious -just by the way she behaved around "L" that she was attracted to him.

 

He didn't seem to notice (but, of course, I was *present*) -and she was making it obvious, though she tried to hide it.

 

I just watched her, listened to her chatter, smiled alot, conversed with her about a few interesting things that were way over her head and beyond her grasp, until she made an awkward exit.

 

Purposely.

 

(Smile)

 

It's *those* kinds of "flirters" with ill intent that are dangerous, need to be dealt with just the way I dealt with her -and who don't know when to quit.

 

Hummmm....

 

Damn! -I think I *can* be jealous, after all.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[directx]

It always backfires eventually.

I have women make funny sexual flirtatous remarks towards me at work from time to time, but I NEVER come back with a quip of my own and here is why:

You never know what THEIR line is that can't be crossed.

If you say something that you think is funny and they don't, they might smile, they might even laugh, but if it offends them just a bit forget it. You are done and you probably just permenantly marked yourself as a pervert or insensitive jerk.

 

If she is in a bad mood that day or sensitive or PMS'ing, then what you say that might be funny could be taken wrong. Then they are not sure so they tell their other girl friends. Now, at this point she'll probably repeat it out of context or with the wrong inflection, those women she told will be like 'OMG! Thats going too far!' and now you are screwed.

Because there is no way anyone you are going to convince a bunch of women grouped together that 'thats now how I meant it!' and it becomes a big mess.

 

Its not worth it so i dont bother.

So when a girl says something sexually funny towards me, I just smile and laugh and dont verbally respond and think to myself 'damn, say that to me in private' (but of course that never happens)

[riobikini]

You're playing it safe, if you *don't know* how it's going to be taken.

 

I agree with the choice.

 

In my case (above) the gal put her arms arond "L's" waist and cuddled up next to him (cutely) and remarked about how tall he was.

 

OK -it wasn't about his height, here.

 

It was all about getting close.

 

And that would have been OK -except for the fact her *intent* was all wrong.

 

a4a nailed it.

 

-Rio

 

P.S. She'll be in his class next fall, if he goes back to school (for -yet- another degree). Why does that bother me?

[a4a]

You're playing it safe, if you *don't know* how it's going to be taken.

 

I agree with the choice.

 

In my case (above) the gal put her arms arond "L's" waist and cuddled up next to him (cutely) and remarked about how tall he was.

 

OK -it wasn't about his height, here.

 

It was all about getting close.

 

And that would have been OK -except for the fact her *intent* was all wrong.

 

a4a nailed it.

 

-Rio

 

 

Now you could stand away from him...... look him up and down and say " dag gone, you are so tall - if we were together my knees would never get dirty" Or sub in "I bet Rio's knees never get dirty"

 

I am guessing L is your bf or a taken man..... and what she did in that case was pretty slutty and inappropriate.

 

You can still make witty comments of a sexual nature and not cross the line.

[riobikini]

Besides "L's" "tallness" -she's a midget (5'1" or something!)

 

OK -slight exaggeration.

 

(Now, I'm being nasty!)

 

It's just that I really didn't expect to have this nag me.

 

I must be *human*, after all.

 

-Rio

 

P.S. "L" lives with me -photo in my profile- and, yeah, he's pretty *significant*.

[Art_Critic]

(Now, I'm being nasty!)

....

 

Competitive would be a better word Rio ...

Marking your man your territory..

Peeing on the Fire Plug as it were..

[a4a]

Rio you have the right to feel offended by her actions.

 

It lacked class...... even us dirty mouthed broads know better than to cross the line and what showing disrespect means.

 

Your bf needs to set her straight on this.

 

I myself have had men do such things and find it very very disrespectful to myself and to my H.

 

It is then my job to put the person showing that disrespect in their place, not my H's place to do so.... and vice versa.

 

Hell I had a friend ask if she could grab my H's butt...... I said sure, it's nice.

 

But I also had a stranger attempt to sit on my H's lap..... she nearly drew back a stub when her arm went around his shoulders. My stupid H did not say a word...... he will never live that down. They both disrespected me in that instance.

[riobikini]

a4a, I *was* offended -but true to nature, I wouldn't display it.

 

And "L" really didn't seem to notice her coming on to him until she slipped her teeny midget arms around his waist and hugged him.

 

He looked straight at me with this truly surprised look and seemed really uncomfortable with it.

 

And true to *his* nature, "L" let it slide.

 

I'm actually pretty secure with what I know he'll do -or say- or allow.

 

It's just that *some* women can't seem to see the defining line.

 

And ArtCritic -yeah, it was that old marking-your-territory thing creeping in.

 

Didn't know I was *that* competitive.

 

Maybe I should pee the line, instead of *draw* it- so what's-her-name can see it.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[marlena]

I must be *human*, after all.

 

 

Hi, Rio! Just wanted to say hi! Couldn't help but "smile" with your post. You handled it deliciously well!!! Wish I could have been there to see relish it!!!! Congrats!!! You put her in her base place where she belongs!! I can just see her strutting away like the chicken she is wondering WTF was this woman saying to me!!!! Superb! And you are ever soooooooooo "human"! You have proven this in your compassionate posts time and time again! You are unique!!!!

[marlena]

I must be *human*, after all.

 

 

Hi, Rio! Just wanted to say hi! Couldn't help but "smile" with your post. You handled it deliciously well!!! Wish I could have been there to relish it!!!! Congrats!!! You put her in her base place where she belongs!! I can just see her strutting away like the dumb chick she is wondering WTF was this woman saying to me!!!! Ha - ha!!! Superb!!! And you are ever soooooooooo human! You have proven this in your insightful and compassionate posts time and time again! You are unique!!!!

[riobikini]

re:

 

Marlena: " And you are ever soooooooooo "human"! You have proven this in your compassionate posts time and time again!"

 

(Smile)

 

Except that I've been a little on the useless side, lately, in what I've been posting.

 

It's summer -and there are so many (wonderful) distractions going on....and I find myself going in other directions, completely out of the path of the computer (and a little sadly, LS.)

 

I'm kind of losing touch with what's going on in here -and it's not really a bad thing.

 

Everyone needs a break.

 

As far as the young lady I was amused by in this thread, who overstepped her bounds somewhat with "L" during the party -I've heard neither squeak nor mumble from her since then.

 

(Smile)

 

And as "L's" decision to go back for more classes draws near, I feel less and less concerned that she'll be a problem.

 

They say what a difference a day makes, where I come from -but I think it has more to do with sitting in a quiet place and gathering your thoughts and composure -perhaps, giving yourself time to realize just who you are, and what you're all about- kind of finding your place again, and claiming it.

 

I believe it's called self-assurance -and self-confidence.

 

(Smile)

 

Good to hear from you, again, Marlena.

 

I hope all is well with you.

 

-Rio

[Trimmer]

That's just it, a4a -to flirt (as it has always been) is as varied in meaning/purpose to each idividual as there are (probably) grains of sand.

 

What sounds perfectly harmless to one person might mean something else, entirely, to someone else.

I think the world has become generally more sensitive, and therefore the "rules" for general behavior have had to tighten up.

 

However, I think your comment above encapsulates the reality of how it has always been - in flirting and sexual banter, people who can do it "safely" are the ones who can read their audience, make and understand personal connections with individuals, and show some empathy. I think people with these social skills just naturally adjust their manner to the people they interact with and the environment around them, and would probably get along just fine today as they always have.

 

The problem is that there are a lot of people who don't have these social skills, and who just "are who they are" regardless of their surroundings or their audience. In some ways, we prize this "be yourself" kind of person, but those are also the people who can get into trouble with sexual banter and flirting. I think it's our sensitivity to those kinds of situations (appropriately) that has required a heightened awareness and tightened "rules" about the boundaries of sexual harrassment, etc...

 

So I think that if you have the social skills and are able to read people well enough and make personal connections, you could probably still "get away" with old-style flirting and sexual banter. But in cases like the workplace, they have to set the bar so low - to ensure that NOTHING goes over the line - that they just wipe out everything under an abundance of caution. It doesn't mean it couldn't be OK between the right two people, it just means that they can't afford to take even the smallest risk of something going wrong....

 

Boy, the kind of banter that went on in the place I used to work in the mid-80's... Although now that I think of it, it wasn't everyone. Although now that I think of it, maybe it was just me and that admin-assistant... Hmmm. Anyway...

[riobikini]

So we're in agreement, Trimmer.

 

(Smile)

 

Your post brings to mind a friend of mine and "L's" -an old fashioned doctor (and his nurse practitioner live-in girlfriend) who we invite to nearly all our dinner parties.

 

Doc can sure tell some of the funniest stories and jokes -but he reserves them all for private parties such as ours where he's among long-time friends -and we never hold him to so-called politically correct standards.

 

As far as I know (and trust me, they'd tell me) he's never offended anyone at our gatherings, although, I realize he has sense enough to never offer to tell risqué jokes to his patients -except , of course, those who are like me who really don't give a damn, kinda like the way he tells them, and know how to enjoy the old guy for all he's worth, and are correct in figuring he's only about as dangerous as a bowl of vanilla custard.

 

But some folks aren't that savvy -couldn't force themselves to let go, even for a second, and just enjoy a clever piece of work spinning somewhat of a masterpiece- even if it meant winning the Nobel Prize for just shutting up and keeping the peace a few minutes until the "teller" finished his/her joke.

 

So back to the everyday reality of our politically correct planet.

 

But as soon as the new deck is finished (Gawd! It's been "in progress", seems like forever!) we're having this great big shindig out there (it'll be big enough for three times the folks as before) and (as always) I plan to invite Doc and his girlfriend over -along with a few certain others who always seem to add a little extra something to a party.

 

There'll be the usual joke-telling, a lotta laughter, and no one gets offended.

 

And we won't have to face politically-correct society until the following Sunday morning (when we'll really have something to thank God about!)

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[marlena]

re:

 

 

 

(Smile)

 

Except that I've been a little on the useless side, lately, in what I've been posting.

 

 

You could never be useless! Reading all your posts (old or new) is an amazing and enlightening experience! Your every word is poetry combined with wisdom.

 

It's summer -and there are so many (wonderful) distractions going on....and I find myself going in other directions, completely out of the path of the computer (and a little sadly, LS.)

 

I'm kind of losing touch with what's going on in here -and it's not really a bad thing.

 

Everyone needs a break.

 

Couldn't agree more! We all do need a break from our PC's. I'm delighted that you are busy doing wonderful things though of course we all do miss you in here.

 

As far as the young lady I was amused by in this thread, who overstepped her bounds somewhat with "L" during the party -I've heard neither squeak nor mumble from her since then.

 

(Smile)

 

And as "L's" decision to go back for more classes draws near, I feel less and less concerned that she'll be a problem.

 

She could never be a problem. She couldn't hold a candle to you, Rio, of that there can be no doubt whatsoever! And "L" knows that with every fiber of his being. You are a one in a lifetime catch!

 

They say what a difference a day makes, where I come from -but I think it has more to do with sitting in a quiet place and gathering your thoughts and composure -perhaps, giving yourself time to realize just who you are, and what you're all about- kind of finding your place again, and claiming it.

 

I believe it's called self-assurance -and self-confidence.

 

Yes, I most cetainly do need to find a tiny corner to sit myself in and in stillness harvest my thoughts and retrieve the person I once was and bring her back home. She wants me too- desperately. I can hear her crying out to me even amidst the noise and haste.

 

 

(Smile)

 

Good to hear from you, again, Marlena.

 

I hope all is well with you.

 

 

A smile for you, Rio!