addicted2you Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 So I've been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. We met through a friend, and we haven't considered ourselves dating or in relationship because of an ex-girlfriend issue he has. They are still living together until she can save enough to move out and find her own place. I know there is nothing going on between the two of them, and he has told me repeatedly that he regrets ever getting involved with her. He doesn't plan on it continuing much longer, but after 3 months of us seeing eachother, and being somewhat physical (we have not had sex by the way), he decided we should take a step back until the ex actually moves out, and until he knows he can bring to his place without her being there and getting jealous. He also doesn't want me to think that he is leading me on. In addition, through out these months he has made comments that hint he may actually want a relationship with me down the road. We talk on the phone almost everyday, we never fight, whenever I'm in a bad mood it bothers and tells me to cheer up, and that he doesn't like it when I'm in a bad mood. He called me almost immediately after a job interview I had to see how it went, and to see if I got the job. Some comments he's made have been that he recognizes that I am actually smarter than him. But he seems to be okay with it. Also he's made many comparisons to me and his ex. He's told me that despite the fact that I am 4 years younger than his ex, he can tell that I am much more mature and level headed than her. I know it's only been 3 months that we've been hanging out, but I already know that I am in love with him (which by the way I know better than to have told him already), and I really care for him. He knows that he is important to me, and that I like him though. He has stated that he does like me, and that he likes hanging out with me, and enjoys my company as well. He has stated that he usually likes to start off being just friends with girls before getting into a relationship or having sex since he's had bad experience in the past too. This question is going to sound stupid because the answer is probably very easy to those who read this, but does this guy see me as being someone he'll potentially date or just as a friend?
Lauriebell82 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Well, it sounds like the guy is interested in more than just friendship. He may want something in the future, but him living with his ex has got to complicate things for you guys. And what makes you think that after she moves out, she's just going to disappear from his life just like that. Do you know if she is still hung up on him. Bf's who have exs still in the picture are usually trouble. If your already in love with him and your not in a relationship with him yet you could be setting yourself up for heart break. I know that i am going into more than what you are asking. He honestly may just be torn about what to do, and he doesn't want to get you involved in the drama with his ex. If you can be patient and wait for him, then more power to you, but only do this if you do not have your heart set on possibly having a serious relationship with him in the future.
JulieL Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I hate to be skeptical here, but I will. First, if he and the girlfriend are actually broken up, with her just living there till she can afford to move, there is no reason why he is not free to date you. Yes, it would be inconsiderate of her feelings to take you back to his place, but YOU have a place I assume. If he is only hanging out with you but going home at night, I'm betting there is a reason for that. You say you know there is nothing between them anymore, but HOW do you know? Did she tell you that, or one of HER friends? And if casual friends of his introduced you, that are also not friends of hers, keep in mind that they would only know what HE tells them about his present living arrangement too. I'm guessing they may be having some problems and he is out and about doing his thing, but they aren't actually broken up, "free" to date others. And he is justifying all this time he is spending with you and getting some physical excitement from you, because he isn't actually "dating" you, thus not cheating in his mind. If I was a betting woman, and I'm not because I'm too broke at the moment, I'd put my money on him still sleeping with her in the same bed and still having sex with her, and dabbling with you on the side. Three months is a long time for this to drag on, after all, she could always find a roommate to move in with, if money is the problem, just as he is alleging she is just a roommate. How longs it gonna take--6 months--a year? I think he's bull****ting you.
nicki Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I'm with JulieL. on this. He could have told you from the beginning that he didn't feel comfortable with the ex living with him while dating you....and then NOT dated you until she was out of the picture. But, she's still there and he gets to see you. How about telling him that you agree with him? You could say you are uncomfortable with whole deal, too, and that he should you call you when the ex is out of the house and the picture. Have no contact with him until then. If he calls, ask him if the ex has moved out. If he says "no," nicely say "oh, call me when she does. we'll have so much to talk about. can't wait to see you. bye." Or don't take his calls. Whatever, it's up to you. Just don't be there for him now like you are. He has no real incentive to change things. And if you are in love with him, you might sleep with him while he is still "uncomfortable" and "working out his ex situation." Then you could get really hurt. So, consider cutting him loose until the ex is gone. Don't let him snow you.
nicki Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Oh, and by telling you all the stuff he did, he has put any future blame/hurt on YOU. From his perspective, if you continue on with him, then it's your fault if you get hurt. He warned you, afterall. It was YOUR decision to go forward knowing what you did. See? This isn't good for you anyway you look at it. If he's sincere, he will understand you going no contact until the ex is gone. And he'll get rid of her fast. If he's not sincere, he will try to convince you to continue seeing him/talking to him and soon, sleeping with him -- with the circumstances staying the same.
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