Sand&Water Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Basically: He's out of my league. Physically, socially, and career-wise. I don't know where to begin. Plus I speculate he belongs to a different religion. Almost everyday I pray and hope he'll find someone, a girlfriend, that'll catch his eye and interest -and his attention will divert in her direction. I want to breathe again. I wish I hadn't met him. Wrong time, wrong everything. YET we mesh incredibly well together. I can't do friendship with him anymore! BUT at this phase in my life I CAN'T date him, either. I'm off the Dating Market. On the other hand, I enjoy his presence and company. Do I continue maintaining a friendship? OR Just let him go? Sand&Water
Krytellan Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 It sounds like there's a back-story here that I am unaware of. I have learned first-hand over the last 6 months that there is no such thing as "out of your league". It's a title we apply in order to give ourselves permission to not try.
socialight Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 >>He's out of my league. Physically, socially, and career-wise Well, he is with that attitude!
2ndIINone Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 you are either A. Infatuated with him... or B. In love with him. If you are Off the Dating market.... then maybe you shouldn't be. ps.... NO ONE is out of anyones league.
Lauriebell82 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I agree that you shouldn't think this guy is "out of your league." I think there are loser guys who are with amazing girls, and the girls are probably to good for them. But don't put yourself down by saying your not as good as he is. Because you are! And why are you off the dating market? I mean is this guy interested in you? If he is then your NOT to good for him because he likes YOU. Take a chance, he might actually be the person who can make you really happy.
IpAncA Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I'm going to say let him go. As long as you see him as out of your league, your not going to feel 100% comfortable in the relationship. If it's not the right time to be in a relationship then don't. No one says you have to but I get the feeling that you don't want to pass him up. With the religion thing, I personally don't think a relationship can work. I KNOW that some do but if your both strong in religion and can't budge, then it will affect things in the long run if you both became serious.
Author Sand&Water Posted May 11, 2007 Author Posted May 11, 2007 RE: Thank you all for the replies. Wow! Just re-reading my post now, I sounded really narrow minded. Sometimes I idolize certain people, and I should know better. This is not healthy. BUT you don't know him or his profession. He is going into medicine school, and this is way beyond me. After a few months/years, he will change. He won't see me the same. He'll want someone on his level. Plus, he will probably start dating drop-dead-gorgeous women. I can't and don't compete with that. IF at some point he finds a more compatible woman, I will not stand in his way. Never. I'll be happy for him -because he is my friend, and great friends deserve the best. You are either A. Infatuated with him... or B. In love with him. I am neither infatuated nor in love with him. I just like him -that is all. And, yes, he is interested in me. More than a friend. He and I had a couple falling outs with each other -but are currently trying to stabilize the friendship. Last time him and I were talking, he said 2 things that stood out from the rest of the conversation: (1) We had just resolved a misunderstanding and came to good terms on the issue when he said: "We are like an old married couple without the rings and kids". <----What does this mean? (2) During the same conversation, at one point I was joking around with him laughing and having a good time, when he said: "I'll remember this moment forever". Then I said, "Will you". He said: "yes, forever and ever and ever and ever". <----what does that mean? Sand&Water
Star Gazer Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I have learned first-hand over the last 6 months that there is no such thing as "out of your league". It's a title we apply in order to give ourselves permission to not try. Who are you these days? Aristotle?!!!???!! Or Yoda??? BRILLIANT.
Trialbyfire Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 There are two things that stand out for me. Wasn't there another man within the last six months that you felt was out of your league? If so, the only consistency is you. There's no such thing as anyone being out of anyone's league. You either have a connection, or you don't. The second phrase that jumped out at me is that you are off the dating market. If this means you're already committed elsewhere, don't cheat. Discontinue your first relationship before proceeding further.
Krytellan Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Who are you these days? Aristotle?!!!???!! Or Yoda??? BRILLIANT. You may call me Krytie-san
IpAncA Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 BUT you don't know him or his profession. He is going into medicine school, and this is way beyond me. After a few months/years, he will change. He won't see me the same. He'll want someone on his level. Plus, he will probably start dating drop-dead-gorgeous women. I can't and don't compete with that. IF at some point he finds a more compatible woman, I will not stand in his way. Never. I'll be happy for him -because he is my friend, and great friends deserve the best. True we don't know him BUT, your assuming things that haven't taken place. Do you know this for sure? Perhaps he deserves the benefit of doubt. Either way you can take a chance or not. Just please don't assume something if you don't know for sure. Has he mentioned something?
Shizz Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Nothing is beyond ones grasp if they merely muster the willpower to reach out and take it. This is the only great difference between people. He is not out of your league, and you will never be happy until you deserve him, and you need to feel you deserve him before you will. If you ever want to feel true ambivilence and pain try falling in love with someone who won't return it. That hurts.
Island Girl Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 BUT you don't know him or his profession. He is going into medicine school, and this is way beyond me. After a few months/years, he will change. He won't see me the same. He'll want someone on his level. What is your level? Why is his level above yours? You need to level the playing field. (It only exists in your head.) THANK GOODNESS my husband didn't think the way you do or we wouldn't be together. My family goes to college. Everyone. Even when the women could only be school teachers or nurses - everyone goes to college. In my family there are pioneers in micro-surgery for fertilization, cancer research, etc. I grew up around money - serious money. Casino owners and their kids, etc. Yet I have only heard this "level" or "out of my league" talk from other people who are plain and simple - insecure. I have never heard anyone who would by all rights and purposes say "she is beneath me" or she is "below my level". If he likes you and is attracted to you then why can't you believe he would be? Why are you examining yourself and finding flaws instead of strengths? Why are you measuring yourself against other with some imaginary standard? I'm sure he isn't. As I said - if my husband thought the way you do I wouldn't have the magic he brings to my life. He is not a college graduate. He is brilliant. He just didn't go to college. He is ESL and speaks English but does not have the vocabulary I do. It is one of his most endearing qualities to me. Plus, he will probably start dating drop-dead-gorgeous women. I can't and don't compete with that. IF at some point he finds a more compatible woman, I will not stand in his way. Never. I'll be happy for him -because he is my friend, and great friends deserve the best. Sweetie - I have known some beautiful women who are just ugly because of their personalities, or their lack of confidence. And I've known some plain janes who just shine and light up a room because of their personalities and the way they carry themselves. Confidence is the best quality you can have. Everyone is attracted to it and wants to know that person, be friends with that person, etc. Why are you so down on yourself? Whatever has happened for you to categorize yourself as unworthy of anyone - or anything? he said: "We are like an old married couple without the rings and kids". <----What does this mean? It means he sees the two of you as comfortable together - like you have been around each other for years. It is a compliment and speaks to the ease of your relationship. That isn't easy to find by the way. when he said: "I'll remember this moment forever". Then I said, "Will you". He said: "yes, forever and ever and ever and ever". <----what does that mean? It means he is attracted to you and likes you -- and that he enjoys your banter, etc. He enjoys spending time with you and he is telling you he feels these are great memories the two of you are making together. :bunny:
DanielMadr Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 What is your level? Why is his level above yours? You need to level the playing field. (It only exists in your head.) THANK GOODNESS my husband didn't think the way you do or we wouldn't be together. My family goes to college. Everyone. Even when the women could only be school teachers or nurses - everyone goes to college. In my family there are pioneers in micro-surgery for fertilization, cancer research, etc. I grew up around money - serious money. Casino owners and their kids, etc. Yet I have only heard this "level" or "out of my league" talk from other people who are plain and simple - insecure. I have never heard anyone who would by all rights and purposes say "she is beneath me" or she is "below my level". If he likes you and is attracted to you then why can't you believe he would be? Why are you examining yourself and finding flaws instead of strengths? Why are you measuring yourself against other with some imaginary standard? I'm sure he isn't. As I said - if my husband thought the way you do I wouldn't have the magic he brings to my life. He is not a college graduate. He is brilliant. He just didn't go to college. He is ESL and speaks English but does not have the vocabulary I do. It is one of his most endearing qualities to me. Sweetie - I have known some beautiful women who are just ugly because of their personalities, or their lack of confidence. And I've known some plain janes who just shine and light up a room because of their personalities and the way they carry themselves. Confidence is the best quality you can have. Everyone is attracted to it and wants to know that person, be friends with that person, etc. Why are you so down on yourself? Whatever has happened for you to categorize yourself as unworthy of anyone - or anything? It means he sees the two of you as comfortable together - like you have been around each other for years. It is a compliment and speaks to the ease of your relationship. That isn't easy to find by the way. It means he is attracted to you and likes you -- and that he enjoys your banter, etc. He enjoys spending time with you and he is telling you he feels these are great memories the two of you are making together. :bunny: I agree with you IslandGirl. I just want to point out that confidence is important but it is not an easily obtained trait and often times people are just being arrogant or impropriately assertive instead of being really confident. Confidence should be the inner thing not flaming your surrounding. Be confident enough to be sincerely modest...that type of thing. Confidence is important for you but it is not the main trait that attracts guys. Dont become a man with boobs. Feminine traits are more subtle and it is OK for a girl to be a little "lost".
Island Girl Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Confidence is important for you but it is not the main trait that attracts guys. Dont become a man with boobs. Feminine traits are more subtle and it is OK for a girl to be a little "lost". I said confidence not arrogance. Two totally different things. Confidence is attractive in any human being. Arrogance is unattractive in any human being. As far as being a little "lost" - that is something that some men find attractive and some don't. Whereas confidence attracts people. Male and female - not necessarily in a sexual way. They are just the people you want to know. And believe me, I know about attracting men.
DanielMadr Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 I said confidence not arrogance. Two totally different things. Confidence is attractive in any human being. Arrogance is unattractive in any human being. As far as being a little "lost" - that is something that some men find attractive and some don't. Whereas confidence attracts people. Male and female - not necessarily in a sexual way. They are just the people you want to know. And believe me, I know about attracting men. Radiating confidence is similar to being dominant. And not so many males are attracted to dominant females. Being a little "lost" is something that some men find attractive and the rest dont mind. Being confident in every situation is close to being masculine or dominant and it can be a turn off. So it is more risky. All Im saying is that girls shouldnt beat themselves up, when they are not super strong or confident like some of the best men are. We like to take care of them time to time.
Island Girl Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Radiating confidence is similar to being dominant. And not so many males are attracted to dominant females. ha ha ha ha It is not being dominant Daniel. It is being confident. I am extremely confident but I am in no way masculine. Being a little "lost" is something that some men find attractive and the rest dont mind. You should speak for yourself. You have a waaay different view about relationships and women in general. I am a woman, most of my friends are and always have been women, and what you write about the female perspective is generally wrong. Being confident in every situation is close to being masculine or dominant and it can be a turn off. So it is more risky. Again wrong. Most people are attracted to confidence. Both women and men alike - not always in a sexual way of course (only because of those being of the same sex and not gay). All Im saying is that girls shouldnt beat themselves up, when they are not super strong or confident like some of the best men are. We like to take care of them time to time. Most women are brought up usually beating themselves up from a very early age. Looks, etc. are always a focal point and from a very young age we are taught what is attractive - meaning if your look differs from Exhibit A it equals unattractive and unfortunately most believe this. You can be confident, intelligent, and attractive and you don't have to be a supermodel. A woman should believe in her own personal strengths. There is NOTHING wrong with that. And all of those things does not preclude a more traditional relationship where the man gets to be the caretaker and provider. It just means that the strong man has a strong woman by his side.
DanielMadr Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 ha ha ha ha It is not being dominant Daniel. It is being confident. I am extremely confident but I am in no way masculine. Its certainly not the same but Dominant person has to be confident to be dominant. You know what I mean? You should speak for yourself. You have a waaay different view about relationships and women in general. I am a woman, most of my friends are and always have been women, and what you write about the female perspective is generally wrong. I wrote about female perspective? I wrote about male perspective, that we dont care if our female is confident as much as females do care about their partners. Again wrong. Most people are attracted to confidence. Both women and men alike - not always in a sexual way of course (only because of those being of the same sex and not gay). Yes exactly. But we are talking about sexual attraction and its not that simple. When confident female doesnt melt('Oh I need you' or 'Save me from that horrible dragon, Im so scared') some day, its quite bad. Most women are brought up usually beating themselves up from a very early age. Looks, etc. are always a focal point and from a very young age we are taught what is attractive - meaning if your look differs from Exhibit A it equals unattractive and unfortunately most believe this. Yeah I know that. It sucks. You can be confident, intelligent, and attractive and you don't have to be a supermodel. A woman should believe in her own personal strengths. There is NOTHING wrong with that. Confidence based or lacking b/c of looks is dangerous. And I dont say dont be Confident, just dont over do it. And I feel feminists came with second whip. Girls whipped themselves b/c of looks and now they whip themselves b/c they are not confident enough. Most of the times they whip themselves with both whips. Being confident doesnt mean to have university degree and running a corporation or sleeping with guys. And all of those things does not preclude a more traditional relationship where the man gets to be the caretaker and provider. It just means that the strong man has a strong woman by his side. I agree. But the problem is the man has to be at least a little stronger. When he is not its game over. But when women is not stronger...no problem. (Another possibility is 50/50, which is popular to say these days but in real world is cant exist.)
annabelle75 Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Hmmmm........from reading this thread I have discerned that Daniel likes weak willed women. But from the amount of effort he puts into debating with Island Girl, I think he might have a little crush on her.
Author Sand&Water Posted May 25, 2007 Author Posted May 25, 2007 Thank you all for the responses. IslandGirl, Trialbyfire, DanielMadr, and others. I appreciate the Great Feedback! Everyday it is getting harder and harder maintaining a friendship with him. He is phenomenal, caring, articulate, smart and handsome . . . and so much more! I want to share my feelings with him, right now if I could, but I know that wouldn't be a wise move on my part. Or would it? I should have made myself clear . . . I'm not in any way cheating. When I said "I'm off the Dating Market" meant that I am single -and choosing not to dating anyone in this stage of my life. He deserves better -and as a friend, I want the best for him. I'm going to let him go. Plus it is Long Distance and he wants to try again with his ex. If he contacts me -I'm telling him the truth: Our friendship is over, move on, don't look back; go live your life because I'm going to live mine. Sand&Water
DanielMadr Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Hmmmm........from reading this thread I have discerned that Daniel likes weak willed women. But from the amount of effort he puts into debating with Island Girl, I think he might have a little crush on her. I just like to point out time to time that women dont like weak willed men Crush? Naaaah.
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