loquaciousl Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Okay, I don't want to offend anyone by the following questions and diatribe about to follow. I don't wish to come across as ignorant, but I need to know if the following signs indicate the guy I've been dating is gay/bi: 1. He fooled around orally with a male cousin at 13. He had a threesome with a gf and a man where he orally pleased the man because "she thought it was hot," and he went on a date with a woman whom he found out, after "she" had orally pleasured him, was a man, but then went down on "her" knowing "she" was a "he". 2. He wears very colorful bikini briefs. Now, I have only been hanging out with this guy for three weeks. Recently we were intimate and he had no problem with the shall we say, proper parts functioning. He swears that he's not gay, or even bi, and says it happened a long time ago (when he was in his early 20's, and he's now 32). I am not seriously involved at the moment with him, but am not so sure I am interested in a man who is not straight. It's one thing to tool around, it's quite another to make a habit of this. He is pretty sensitive, has brought me flowers, gifts, and is really sweet to me. However, this knowledge is not something I am sure I know how to read. Thoughts? Please know that I dont' wish to offend anyone, I am simply curious. Thanks.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Well as long as the guys he fooled around with looked like girls I don't see how it's gay
Trialbyfire Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 He wears very colorful bikini briefs. Big, red flag. Teasing, just teasing... I would say he's bi, based on the information you provided.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Okay burning what you said was very disturbing., but I admit, some transexual women look like the real deal and if I was drunk and whatnot I'd bang em in the a*s, but I wouldnt go down on them. lol. But seriously this guy is not just homosexual he is wildly omnisexual. He's doing everything out there in the book. If you want a serious relationship with this man that's exclusive, The honest truth would be that it wouldnt work out, he's too wild! or he was? I dont think I could be secure with a woman acting like this. Being in a commited relationship takes dedication and when it boils down to it does a woman like this have dedication to make sure I'm the only one? Realistically I dont think so. It's nice that he has brought you flowers and treats you nice. But this guy isnt gonna settle down, and if he does, if he's with you. If your not doing what freaky things he desires like this than he's gonna be bored and frustrated, and may look elsewhere. It is what it is. He had sex with a male cousin? Right there you should have left. Bikini briefs, red flag, real men wear boxers!! Easy acess for the BJ's, ladies. lol. Past behavior is a barometer for future behavior. If your not a raging bi-sexual or omnisexual, then this guy isnt for you. I'm sorry. Walk away.
Tangerina Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 As for fooling around with men, yeah he's bi. His clothes or habits etc don't mean a thing. It sounds like he is equally or more attracted to women so if you like him I don't see what the problem is... everyone we date has exes, and usually those exes were different than us in big ways but what matters is how you two relate, not what happened in the past. If he's in a monogamous relationship with you then he isn't exactly going to be with any other girls or guys so what's the biggie? As for the fooling around with a male cousin at 13, yeah it makes me feel weirded out too but realistically a lot of people experiment when they are first becoming sexual and they haven't yet formulated what is socially acceptable or even what they personally like yet, it isn't emotional it is just exploring the sensations.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 As for fooling around with men, yeah he's bi. His clothes or habits etc don't mean a thing. It sounds like he is equally or more attracted to women so if you like him I don't see what the problem is... everyone we date has exes, and usually those exes were different than us in big ways but what matters is how you two relate, not what happened in the past. If he's in a monogamous relationship with you then he isn't exactly going to be with any other girls or guys so what's the biggie? As for the fooling around with a male cousin at 13, yeah it makes me feel weirded out too but realistically a lot of people experiment when they are first becoming sexual and they haven't yet formulated what is socially acceptable or even what they personally like yet, it isn't emotional it is just exploring the sensations. Huh so what your saying is it's actually cool to mess with your cousin?!!? WTF? experiment fine, but with a male family member when your a male yourself is downright sick. I'm sorry.
DanielMadr Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Certain thing is he is not straight. What he tells you or how he feels is irrelevant, actions speak louder. There is nothing like "bi". Build a thousand bridges and you are bridge-builder. Suck one dingdong and you are dingdongsucker.
Citizen Erased Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Well as long as the guys he fooled around with looked like girls I don't see how it's gay OP, this guy is definitely not straight. No completely straight man will give a blow job to another man. My best bet is he is bi.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Even if he were not bi, and just straight-curious with an openness to sexual experimentation - the fact remains that he has been with men, and probably will continue to do so. If you are looking for a plain old vanilla straight guy, this guy isn't the guy you want to be with.
Lizzie60 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 not straight... but my guess he was bi-curious at one point... he acted on it..
Totoro Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 The whole cousin thing at 13 is kinda sketchy IMHO. BUT the fact that he might be bi *per se* doesn't necessarily mean you can't have a relationship with him. I have several friends who are happily engaged or married to partners who have been with both men and women. There is a spectrum of sexuality--people don't always fit neatly into labels. Some people are genuinely (and equally?) attracted to both genders and continue to be attracted throughout their lives. I can't tell you whether this guy is bi or "just plain gay," but the fact that he has been with men doesn't mean he can't be genuinely attracted to you. But you also have to really be ok with all this...some people aren't. And then there's the whole cousin thing...was it a first cousin or a second cousin?
Miss_Bee Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Yea, this guy definitley sounds like he's bisexual. Would it bother you if he were bi? Would it stop you from having a relationship with him? If he was just experimenting, i don't think he would have done it so many times. Especially after going out on a date with a tran, finding out she's a tran and then giving her a bj..... I think he's just letting out a few stories to test your reaction. I'm sure that there are probably many many more sexual encounters he's had with men that he hasn't told you about. I'm sure that he still see's men when he feels the need now. But at this point, that info would probably be too much for you.
DanielMadr Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 not straight... but my guess he was bi-curious at one point... he acted on it.. Girl can be bi-curious and it is acceptable. Bi-curious guy (out of puberty) is either STR8 or he is not. Guys have to be VERY, VERY, VERY and VERY curious, frustrated, submissive or whatever to perform on other man. There os difference between homosexuals who can actually love a person of the same sex and guys who do anything to just unload. Its lack of self-control and taste at least.
Lauriebell82 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I think he is bi-sexual, even in-the-closet gay. Yeah, he'll admit he's straight, but you don't just fool around with guys and claim to only be interested in women. I'm not saying that being bi-sexual or gay is a bad thing, however the fooling around with a male cousin is a little disturbing. I don't think I could be with a man who had done something like that. I'd walk away if I were you.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I agree that he sounds bi, but does it really matter if he as experimented with guys in the past? Getting the label for him isn't really important, if it doesn't bother you that he has experimented in the past with guys, then if I were you just treat the relationship as dating and getting to know someone new who is really sweet to you. He obviously likes you and is attracted to you (as you said all parts were working). Sounds like he has qualities that your looking for. Getting the label for him isn't really important, if it doesn't bother you that he has experimented in the past with guys, then if I were you just treat the relationship as dating and getting to know someone new who is really sweet to you.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 The whole cousin thing at 13 is kinda sketchy IMHO. BUT the fact that he might be bi *per se* doesn't necessarily mean you can't have a relationship with him. I have several friends who are happily engaged or married to partners who have been with both men and women. There is a spectrum of sexuality--people don't always fit neatly into labels. Some people are genuinely (and equally?) attracted to both genders and continue to be attracted throughout their lives. I can't tell you whether this guy is bi or "just plain gay," but the fact that he has been with men doesn't mean he can't be genuinely attracted to you. But you also have to really be ok with all this...some people aren't. And then there's the whole cousin thing...was it a first cousin or a second cousin? What does it matter? 13 yrs old with a male cousin??? First, second, stop trying to justify it for the guy. it was wrong. I'm a raging hetrosexual right but even I know not to sleep with family members, no matter the lineage.
Tangerina Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Chrome baracuda, I'm not saying it is cool, it creeps me out because it breaks a bunch of deep taboos, but it happens and it doesn't necessarily mean anything about his adult sexuality.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 They were 13 and curious, kids will experiment be curious as that age. Yes it being his cousin has a creepy factor, but kids don't know that your not supposed to do that kinda thing with a cousin and I'm sure it's not something he tells everyone that he did as a kid. I agree it doesn't necessarily mean anything about his adult sexuality. I know friends of mine who explored the body a same sex friend as a kid because they were curious about bodies. They are straight men and it had nothing to do with their sexual preference.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 They were 13 and curious, kids will experiment be curious as that age. Yes it being his cousin has a creepy factor, but kids don't know that your not supposed to do that kinda thing with a cousin and I'm sure it's not something he tells everyone that he did as a kid. I agree it doesn't necessarily mean anything about his adult sexuality. I know friends of mine who explored the body a same sex friend as a kid because they were curious about bodies. They are straight men and it had nothing to do with their sexual preference. I aint saying exploring isnt okay, it's fine when your young, how else you gonna know unless you explore, but at the same time, a cousin. I wouldnt kiss my cousins even though I'm a male and they are female. Something is horribly wrong with that picture. I dont think I could stomach that if a female told me something like that. What if down the line the girl get's into a relationship with him and he meets the same cousin down the line. can she honestly trust him alone with this OM? knowing what she knows.
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