dropdeadlegs Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I have always been a parent who believes in a child's right to differentiate themselves from the masses. I believe in individuality, not cookie cutter likenesses. That said, my 18 year old daughter who just went to high school for the last day today, has told me that she wants to pierce her face! I am talking about a beautiful girl, not some fugly being. I know, all parents think their daughter is beautiful, but mine truly is. If she were taller she could be a Victoria's Secret model. The girl is built, but on a shorter scale. I bought her the black and blue hair dye she has wanted for years today. I'm okay with that, but this whole lip piercing is beyond my limits. I have allowed her to pierce her ears in any way she chose (no gaging, thank goodness) and allowed her to pierce her naval at 14. I was ready for tongue piercing, but not something so visible as lip piercing. She isn't asking me to pay for it nor approve it, but I am honestly crushed about the facial piercing aspect. She's just too pretty. I know I have no jurisdiction, she is of age to make her own choices, I just hate to see her mar her beautiful face.
alphamale Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 i don't know about these kids today DDL....they worry me. this is mostly due to peer pressure, they see all their friends doing it and then the whole MTv mentality, blah blah blah. these kids must have such low self esteem to deface their bodies and stuff. Tats, peircings....they're all just disgusting.
Star Gazer Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 A flat diamond stud near the crease of the smile can actually be VERY pretty. Is that what she wants to do? What about a compromise - like her nose?
directx Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I feel for you DropDeadLegs. Can you really talk to her about it? All kids are different, and depending on her make up, I would shoot for asking her if she could wait a year before doing such a thing. (I go for a year because I expect it to be negotiated down). I find kids do things without much thought and sometimes forget about what they wanted earlier. I would convey your concerns as level headed and TRUTHFULLY as you can, and explain to her the possible complications or issues that can occur. Id reaffirm how good looking she is as she is now. Its tough. You really got to know your kid at times like these. Piercings are ok for some people and thats fine, but I personally dont like it.
Trialbyfire Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Another compromise are the ones above or around the eyebrows. At least it's not in the main area of the face and can usually be hidden if the rings are removed. I'm not a big fan of piercings, except on the ears. A very discreet little diamond on the side of the nose isn't bad either but I wouldn't get it done for myself.
Author dropdeadlegs Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 In response to all who have replied (and thank you for taking the time) She is talking about the kind of piercing that isn't in the crease of her smile in any way. It's the true lip kind, somewhere in the middle of the edge and the center of her bottom lip. I see kids with three of these piercings that kind of of balance the entire bottom lip. I have stopped crying, which was my first reaction. We had a talk about scars and how this would scar her if she decided to remove the labrette later. She hasn't done it yet. There is still hope that I can convince her otherwise, but she was also talking about a large tattoo on her ribs, or her back. I discouraged that, as well. I said that a tattoo is something that you must be sure you will love forever, and that at 18 I didn't honestly know what I would love forever. If I had tattooed my body at 18, I would be spending thousands removing them at 30-40. Imagine y9our tattoo at age 80. Thank you all for your replies and concerns. I am working on my kid and appreciate the kind words.
Author dropdeadlegs Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Is your daughter's name Ruby_Gloom? No, but we both know I would take her in as a daughter if she would let me.
directx Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 To deflect the tattoo, I heard a term used by boys I never heard before: "Tramp Stamp". That might discourage her getting a tattoo.
Storyrider Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I would much prefer the piercing to the tattoo, as I think the scarring would be minimal, and I'll bet it will get old quickly for her. The tattoo would be much harder to get rid of. I feel for you, and if it were one of my daughters I would feel the same way (luckily some time to go on that one for me). But I've had lots of students with lip piercings and once you get used to looking at it, it isn't so bad. Not trying to invalidate your feelings at all, just trying to cheer you up.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 No, but we both know I would take her in as a daughter if she would let me.Me too. I would love to take her in as a daughter.
Author dropdeadlegs Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 I feel for you DropDeadLegs. Can you really talk to her about it? All kids are different, and depending on her make up, I would shoot for asking her if she could wait a year before doing such a thing. (I go for a year because I expect it to be negotiated down). I find kids do things without much thought and sometimes forget about what they wanted earlier. I would convey your concerns as level headed and TRUTHFULLY as you can, and explain to her the possible complications or issues that can occur. Id reaffirm how good looking she is as she is now. Its tough. You really got to know your kid at times like these. Piercings are ok for some people and thats fine, but I personally dont like it. I speak to her as truthfully and levelheaded as I know how to do. I am one of those parents who expects the worst and accepts a lot of what most parents wouldn't. I know that my daughter is not a virgin and have armed her with the necessary armor (condoms and the patch.) I also know she has experimented with marijuana and alcohol. I am not one who has unrealistic expectations. We talk about anything and everything. There are no holds barred. That's why she plainly told me of her plans. I'm still not happy. I just wish I could make her see how beautiful she is.
Tangerina Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 When it comes down to it she is over 18 and it is her body. I got my nose pierced when I turned 19 and my mom absolutely hated it and thought it was some rebellious thing. I have and have always had a wonderful relationship with my mom and she never gave me anything to rebel against because our relationship is based on mutual respect and when she put her foot down about something I understood her reasons. At 19 I'd already been living on my own for a year and I'm not a very alternative looking girl. I did it solely for the reason that I like it and I think it looks good and I paid for it with my own money. I had to explain to my mom that it wasn't a rebellious thing and had absolutely nothing to do with her. I think you need to remember that it has nothing to do with you or the way you raised her or anything and just let your daughter be her own person. Piercings aren't permanent anyways. I still have mine and I'd probably have my lip pierced too if I wasn't about to graduate and have to find a job, it is a little less socially accepted, but once again that would solely be because I like the way it looks. Also, I think a big part of it is generational. To my mom, you would only get a facial piercing if you were trying to prove that you had a really hardcore and extreme personality, in my generation it is way more common and accepted so (most) people don't really think of it like that and decide more based on the fact that they think it looks good. It sounds like your daughter is maybe only 3 years younger than me so she probably has grown up with the same idea, though I do live on the West Coast where this stuff is super common and among this age group it is no big deal and isn't a major statement. Ultimately, as an adult she can do it with or without your blessing and should have to pay for it herself (it is expensive so it isn;t a light decision, $40-60 usually to have a good job done) and I think it would help you a lot if you just realized that it has nothing to do with you.
Tangerina Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 PS I missed the part about the tattoo... once again it is ultimately going to be her decision, but I totally agree with your advice and I think anyone at any age would be really silly to get a tattoo without waiting AT LEAST a year of thinking about the design before actually getting it. I don't think I would ever get a tattoo because of that, I would never have the same feeling about it by the end of the year, but I can see how some people feel good about their decision. If I were you I would choose my battle and stop worrying about the lip piercing... (it is my favorite piercing so I may be biased ) because it isn't permanent and unless there is a major complication the scar (at worst) looks like an acne scar or blackhead and at best is invisible. As for the tattoo, she really should wait to get one, that is just common sense not interfering mom advice as she might perceive it to be, I hope she figures that out and is smart about it.
Citizen Erased Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Yuck I hate facial piercings. Except for some men can get away with eyebrow, but only some. You cant stop her from getting it done, so just bite your tongue and wait for her to realize how gross it looks. Although, she may be the exception and it could actually suit her, but its her face so she has the right to do whatever she wants to it.
Ladyjane14 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 You know, the first word that springs to mind when I see people with a bunch of tattoos and piercings is.... 'lemming'. These things aren't a symbol of uniqueness or individuality anymore. I see them as a symbol of that person's inability to stave off peer pressure. If EVERYBODY jumps off a cliff, it doesn't mean you're anything special if you join them 'jumping off the cliff'. And frankly, they just don't look so good as to be anything but "peer pressure" or "fad". Every time I see a girl with a nose piercing... I think about boogers. Now THAT's probably not the first thought a girl want to provoke in other people. And when I see tattoos... they look like smudges from a distance, like the person needs a bath. Anyway, I've shared that ideology with my kids on every fad that's come down the pike. Hopefully, it'll stick.... and I won't have to resort to my sister's methodology, which is a full and utter willingness to physically remove any piercings found, save on the earlobe, from a child's body. And dude... she does NOT care how old that child is. She's a little 100 pound woman... but damn, she's terrifying. You know, DDL... I think I'd see if I could find some photographic evidence of 'piercings gone wrong' and email them to her. A picture is worth a thousand words, right? A big purple tongue or an juicily infected lip might give her some pause.
a4a Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 DDL - you need to ask her why she wants to do this crap to herself. As for a tattoo. My H has 2 that he is getting ready to have laser removal on..... $150 per hour (the cheapest rate possible) and it could take 10 sessions- 3 months apart to have 2 small 4x4 inch tat's removed. They may not even disappear all the way...... if so exicision will have to be done. It took my H about 20 years to figure out that they are not cool. Stating he see's so many dirtbags with them.... people do judge him on it. People ask him if he smokes pot (no way in hell would he), treat him differently, and it certainly does make a bad first impression. If she wants to experiment have her get a henna. As for sticking metal in her face... ehh.... maybe you should go get some fake ones, some henna tat's and parade around with her so she can see how people react to it on you. Put on a big red clown wig while your at it. I wish I was young again, because I knew everything way back then!
Art_Critic Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 A job stopper or door closer... Facial piercings will affect her job shopping.. many many many prspective employers will not hire someone will a facial piercing.. Right or wrong it is a reality that a lot of young people don't think about.. then they wonder why they have trouble getting a job... visible tats on the hands and areas near the face are also door closers and job stoppers.
a4a Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 A job stopper or door closer... Facial piercings will affect her job shopping.. many many many prspective employers will not hire someone will a facial piercing.. Right or wrong it is a reality that a lot of young people don't think about.. then they wonder why they have trouble getting a job... visible tats on the hands and areas near the face are also door closers and job stoppers. You got that right..... and they can also be date stoppers! I never would have had any interest in my H if I was aware he had tat's on his arms..... major turn off..... first time I saw them, honestly, it freaked me out. I thought " oh no.............." Also promotion stoppers. And they look like crap on senior citizens. That cute little rose on a boob turns into a long stem rose in 20 years! Nothin' like a wrinkled up tat with age spots. sexy yeah baby.
Citizen Erased Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 A job stopper or door closer... Facial piercings will affect her job shopping.. many many many prspective employers will not hire someone will a facial piercing.. Right or wrong it is a reality that a lot of young people don't think about.. then they wonder why they have trouble getting a job... visible tats on the hands and areas near the face are also door closers and job stoppers. This is right. I think that alot of "young people" are very naive, and they need to have life experiences to mature. So if this girl pierces her face and starts getting knocked back job after job, than experience learned and she is more than likely to remove it. If her mum sits her down and tells her not to get it done, than she will merely get attitude and get it done anyway, than be more stubborn about removing it. As for tattoos, yes they can be a mistake, they are permanent etc but its not anyone else's call but the person making the decision. Everyone has to grow up and realize their actions have consequences, but they need to have the opportunity to make the actions in the first place to grow up. Damn im sounding more and more like my psych lecturer every day
Tangerina Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 There is a little piece of clear plastic called a retainer that you can wear to your job. It is common courtesy to dress appropriately for your job and if that includes no piercings you do the adult thing and wear a retainer while you are at work or a job interview. I work in people's yards and no one has ever cared that my nose is pierced, but if I got an office job that had a dress code I would follow it.
Sheba Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 DDL I have not read all of the replies, just your posts. My children have done the "facial piercing" thing. Like you, I want to let my kids "express themselves" in ways which are not terribly permanent. Like you, I did NOT like the idea of facial piercings, but took them to the cleanest place I could find to be pierced and told them that if they regretted it that they better remember, forever, that it was against my advice. Before I took them to be pierced, I stopped a young girl in a coffee shop to ask about her facial piercings. She told me that she had friends who had let their piercings grow in and that even the lip piercings did not leave a big scar, just a scar like an ear piercing (that is not all stretched out!). I have scars in my earlobes from my second piercings a la 1979. With that in mind, I was somewhat understanding of my children's wishes. My daughter had a nose piercing, in the crease. She wore a stud for about a year, but has let it grow in. There is a scar, but it is very tiny (not keloid and she used small guage studs) and does not bother her. My handsome son has his lip pierced. It is on one side. He has kept it for 2 years and likes it. He played football, and he is an honours student - he was the only pierced football player and one of the few pierced honours students in his small school. He likes to feel unique. I am sure there will be a scar about the size of the size of an "o" on this screen. He has a matching scar on the other side of his lip from a dog bite (not our dog!) and assured me that he did not care about that scar, nor would he care about another on the other side. I met a young lawyer recently that had her tongue pierced. She said she wore a clear thing while meeting with clients and had no problem with her employers about it. These days, facial piercings and tatoos are so common it is hard to find a young person without one or the other. I fear these kids are going to be sorry one day, but I am less and less concerned about my kids facing prejudices about these adornments as I see more and more embellished employees working at businesses around my city. Try to reconcile yourself, if you can, help your daughter find a clean place to get it done, and study up on the "trouble spots" - certain facial piercings are very risky because they are close to major nerves. A lip ring, or two, as I understand it, is a low risk piercing.
tanbark813 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 What is marring to one person is accentuating to another. I was at a really nice restaurant the other weekend and our waitress had a very tiny diamond lip piercing. HOT. A job stopper or door closer... Facial piercings will affect her job shopping.. many many many prspective employers will not hire someone will a facial piercing.. Not true. I had my eyebrow piercing for 7 years while working as a software engineer. Techies can look however we want.
Lizzie60 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I have always been a parent who believes in a child's right to differentiate themselves from the masses. I believe in individuality, not cookie cutter likenesses. I think that, in their attempt to be different from the mass, they do just the opposite... so many of the kids that age have lip peircings, etc... fashion... finally they are 'cookie cutter likenesses'. There is not much you can do... unfortunately.
agnf666 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Oh I remember this conversation with my dad. He basically told me that if I got any facial piercings he was going to throw me out of the house. Now, that was when I was 18... I'm 21 still without facial piercings... lol. So, it kinda scared me straight.
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