mammax3 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I'm pretty sure this question has been asked, but I want to see the answers. If I called the OW, what would/could the outcome be? I'm not too sure what I'd say, nor what I even want her to say, but I'm feeling so unable to do anything constructive in my rapidly dissolving marriage that I wonder if this is even constructive? He's already made it clear that he wants out of our marriage, so I'm not even sure that I can say/do anything at this point... But I thought if I called her... I don't know. Appeal to the person that I assume is in her little body. He says they're just friends (maybe he has stronger feeling for her than she for him?) so I could appeal to the friend aspect? Do OW just try to stay out of the M relationship as best they can? (FYI, they're very far away from me and he's getting an apt out there and he's taken a permanent job there... Ugh. Our marriage sure sounds over when I say that out loud)
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 You can expect one of two things: 1. If she is still with your husband, and wants to stay with him - she will either not be receptive to you when you call and refuse to talk to you, or she will lie to protect herself and her relationship with your husband from you. In this case, she has no reason to be concerned with what is best for you. Her concerns will be herself, and preserving the relationship she has with your husband the best way she can. 2. If your husband dumped her and didn't want anything more to do with her, she's be looking for revenge and would likely tell you the entire truth in order to make things as hard as she can for him. Given your previous threads, I'd say that you can expect something along the lines of #1 above.
Lizzie60 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I'm pretty sure this question has been asked, but I want to see the answers. If I called the OW, what would/could the outcome be? I'm not too sure what I'd say, nor what I even want her to say, but I'm feeling so unable to do anything constructive in my rapidly dissolving marriage that I wonder if this is even constructive? He's already made it clear that he wants out of our marriage, so I'm not even sure that I can say/do anything at this point... But I thought if I called her... I don't know. Appeal to the person that I assume is in her little body. He says they're just friends (maybe he has stronger feeling for her than she for him?) so I could appeal to the friend aspect? Do OW just try to stay out of the M relationship as best they can? (FYI, they're very far away from me and he's getting an apt out there and he's taken a permanent job there... Ugh. Our marriage sure sounds over when I say that out loud) If I were you, I wouldn't contact her. What exactly do you want to contact her for? This will only hurt you more. If he wants out of the marriage, then there is not much you can do. Move on, forget her, it wouldn't be constructive, quite the opposite actually. I would think that most OW stay out of the M relationship. I don't see any benefits for the OW to put her nose in his marriage. I know it's hard, you probably have lots of questions...but trust me, this is not a good idea.
Jinxx Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I'm pretty sure this question has been asked, but I want to see the answers. If I called the OW, what would/could the outcome be? I'm not too sure what I'd say, nor what I even want her to say, but I'm feeling so unable to do anything constructive in my rapidly dissolving marriage that I wonder if this is even constructive? He's already made it clear that he wants out of our marriage, so I'm not even sure that I can say/do anything at this point... But I thought if I called her... I don't know. Appeal to the person that I assume is in her little body. He says they're just friends (maybe he has stronger feeling for her than she for him?) so I could appeal to the friend aspect? Do OW just try to stay out of the M relationship as best they can? (FYI, they're very far away from me and he's getting an apt out there and he's taken a permanent job there... Ugh. Our marriage sure sounds over when I say that out loud) I wouldn't call. He has already made it clear to you that the marriage is over and he wants out. I highly doubt they are "just friends". If I were you, I'd contact a lawyer and go from there. Speaking as an XOW -- I stayed as out of their marriage and he stayed out of mine.
scaredinlove Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I'm pretty sure this question has been asked, but I want to see the answers. If I called the OW, what would/could the outcome be? I'm not too sure what I'd say, nor what I even want her to say, but I'm feeling so unable to do anything constructive in my rapidly dissolving marriage that I wonder if this is even constructive? He's already made it clear that he wants out of our marriage, so I'm not even sure that I can say/do anything at this point... But I thought if I called her... I don't know. Appeal to the person that I assume is in her little body. He says they're just friends (maybe he has stronger feeling for her than she for him?) so I could appeal to the friend aspect? Do OW just try to stay out of the M relationship as best they can? (FYI, they're very far away from me and he's getting an apt out there and he's taken a permanent job there... Ugh. Our marriage sure sounds over when I say that out loud) When my MM wife's called I treated her nicely,what apparentely p*** her off. I let her do all the talk and I dennied everything moare than what she already knew. For two reasons ,first I felt I was envolved enough and i didn't want to be more involved, second he asked me to lie. It is up to you, but I don't think talking to her will do you any good, especially if he is leaving.
hurting_in_nw Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 mammax, I know why you wish to do this, but it just wouldn't change much. You're dealing with the lowest forms of life on this planet with your H and the OW...honestly you're above them both and to speak to her would only drag you down and prolong the agony you're going through.
JustBecause Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Maybe, just maybe, the ow will call you. That might make things simpler for you.
IpAncA Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 You can expect one of two things: 1. If she is still with your husband, and wants to stay with him - she will either not be receptive to you when you call and refuse to talk to you, or she will lie to protect herself and her relationship with your husband from you. In this case, she has no reason to be concerned with what is best for you. Her concerns will be herself, and preserving the relationship she has with your husband the best way she can. 2. If your husband dumped her and didn't want anything more to do with her, she's be looking for revenge and would likely tell you the entire truth in order to make things as hard as she can for him. Given your previous threads, I'd say that you can expect something along the lines of #1 above. mammax, I know why you wish to do this, but it just wouldn't change much. You're dealing with the lowest forms of life on this planet with your H and the OW...honestly you're above them both and to speak to her would only drag you down and prolong the agony you're going through. I agree with this whole thing.
Virgo1982 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 If I were you, I wouldn't contact her. What exactly do you want to contact her for? This will only hurt you more. If he wants out of the marriage, then there is not much you can do. Move on, forget her, it wouldn't be constructive, quite the opposite actually. I would think that most OW stay out of the M relationship. I don't see any benefits for the OW to put her nose in his marriage. I know it's hard, you probably have lots of questions...but trust me, this is not a good idea. I agree with Lizzie. The problem is not the OW, it is your H. If he told her that he did not want to contniue and chose to work on the M, but she chose to harrass, I could understand giving her a call. However, even if you call her and get all the painful details, she MIGHT leave him alone, but you will be making many phone calls in the future...
sadbuttrue Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 i think you would only be left with more questions that you truly do not want the answers to.
Frances Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I wanted to contact the OW in my h EA of 11 years. I wrote her a long email with everything I wanted to ask her and what I wanted to say to her. It made me feel better by writing it but in the end I declined to send it as I would not give her the satisfaction to acknowledge her as being of any importance in my life. To me she was just the same as a thief.
Author mammax3 Posted May 13, 2007 Author Posted May 13, 2007 Thanks for your input. I did not call her. He has finally admitted to an EA, but is still denying any sex. I half believe him, but I think it's just for my own self, not because he's got much credibility with me. I have no desire to call her, or anything since he's told me and I have little desire to talk to him. It's hard tho, since I am used to chatting with him daily. On I go.
mopar crazy Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 Don't know if you will be back to read this but wanted to tell you my situation as it is kind of familiar. I wont go into the whole A. My H also wanted out of the M. I didn't think he was having an A. I knew the M wasn't that great anyhow, but him having an A was not even a thought of why he wanted out. It wasn't until I told close friends I was getting a D that I was told he was having an A w/ a co-worker. I knew her, talked to her several times, we could of been friends. But I didn't like her b/c she flirted w/ my H all the time. I asked H about it, if he was having an A w/ her and that is why he wanted out. He said it wasn't her, nothing was going on between them. About a week after he told me he wanted a D I told him to move out. A few days later I called her. She denied everything. Even had the nerve to laugh about it! She told me H was very confused. He walked around in a daze at work all the time. Then she had the balls to ask me if I still loved him, and asked me ? about our M. This bitch was trying to give me M advice and the whole time she was having an A w/ my H! Every time I heard about them being together I called and confronted her about it b/c H would just lie. She did the same, lie after lie. I finally gave up, got a lawyer, and started the D proceedeings. I moved away to get away from him and the OW. About a month after I moved away my H did call and admit to everything and wanted to start telling me the truth about everything b/c he wanted to try working on our M. We reconciled but the xOW kept calling or stopping by the house. He told her to stop. It wasn't until she called and I spoke to her and told her to stop calling that she stopped. It's been four years since the A. If I had to do it all over again I still would of called her. Even though she lied, I would have.
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