Was that a bad move?

[chill chic]

Girl, what the heck are you doing?

 

"Talking sex" will SURELY lead ANY guy to think that's what you're looking for.

 

As for this guy, it might be very difficult to change his impression of you. Honestly, you'll look a little loco. Find a completely different/new guy, and behave as you should: no sex talk, no overly sexual clothes, no flirting with his friends, no changing to fit what you think he wants.

 

I don't know...I guess it's hard for me to switch that button off when the guy's talking about sex, because I usually feed right into it SO BAD I know, maybe I need to get check by a doctor for a abnormally high libido lol. But seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me.

 

New instince: I've been taking a break from that guy that I've been talking about, not calling, not messaging, nothing for awhile, so that if he does think I'm loco, then it will wear off.

Now a different guy-

So..today I was talking to my other guy friend, and we began as friends, then he quickly started talking about sexual or sexual kinda comments, so I would say something back, EXCEPT that I'll act like or say like I'm hanging a carrot over his head, such as if he brings it up, I'll either dodge the question or comment OR act like I'm being aloof, but making him think the feeling is still there. When I do that, he tries to act like a gentlemen..But I want you guys to be the judge. Here is a little bit of our messaging conversation...I'll add more later when I can get to my other email.

 

1st message of our convo (didn't start out sexual)

text msg-me: fyi..RFK will be in "..." tonight. it would be fun to go, but I'm sure tickets are sold out & I know you're at the capitol. but just wanted to say hi and hope you're doing well.

text msg-him:thanks for the heads up on the RFK Jr thing to night. i wish I could go

this whole 'work' thing sucks :)I am doing well..and my best to YOU!

text msg-me:no prob, thanks =)

text msg-him:it was lastnight

email-me:[FONT=Arial]I just got your other text message and oh my gosh that sucks that it was yesterday!! my mom had actually told me about it because she loves the Kennedy family and Boston of course, but I didn't realize it was yesterday, that's a bummer, but I wouldn't have been able to go anyway =( yah I hear ya about the work thing lol. how's it going? are you out of session for the day? well tomorrow I'll be flying out so I work a half a day tomorrow so I can be on the plane by 5pm. So don't party too hard without me this weekend!! ; ) [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]email-him:

we are in all day today, then tomorrow morning and all next week, 9am til death every day. then done next friday at 6pm .then I am on the road for 2-3 days

hopefully land in "..." for a day off a week from wed. then I can focus on getting in shape for summer. I feel of crap. ugh

email-me:[FONT=Century Gothic]it sounds like you have very long days, well not too much longer at least from what you said. well I'll have to travel to you instead lol. [/FONT][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#0000ff] [FONT=Century Gothic][COLOR=#000000]I'm sure you're in good shape, I like to exercise, we can always hit up exercising together sometime, that would be fun. I'm sorry that you feel like crap.that's not much fun. need a good massage? lol =P[/COLOR][/FONT][/COLOR][/FONT]

[FONT=Century Gothic]him: i don't like exercising with girls...unless I am bike riding... orrrrrrr.....doing other things to burn calories [/FONT]

[FONT=Century Gothic](ok here is where i messed up I think or fed into his thought process)[/FONT]

[FONT=Century Gothic]me:well bike riding is fun, ever been on the "..." trail? it's pretty scenery. or even "..." park for that matter. haha I like the OR part...I can only imagine what you mean by that ; ) [/FONT]

[FONT=Century Gothic]him:so what are you bringing me back from arkansas?[/FONT]

[FONT=Century Gothic]me: hmm...myself..lol, nah for real though..what would you like any suggestions?[/FONT]

[FONT=Century Gothic]him: yourself? in what way?

[/FONT][/FONT]me:(I changed the subject) and we started talking about bike riding in different parts of the state.

then he sent back a lil while after-

him:what did you get me for my birthday?

me:[FONT=Century Gothic]just you wait and see...does that keep you on the edge of your seat? it's a surprise =P[/FONT]

[FONT=Century Gothic]him:no. bores. me specifics please. me makes it into a commitment

and you are mor likely to funfill..er fullfill a commitment

me:ohh...well you're no fun..ok so..ah..I see..funfill a commitment eh? huh I'm more to offer than just a kinky romp in the bed...what do you have to offer? I guess it must be something good..I like the whole package so far..the other is just another "important" piece of the puzzle. and umm..what kinda kinky are you talking about?

him:i would not think that 'kinky' involves a bed?

me:[FONT=Century Gothic]to be continued from my home email ; ) I gotsta go so I can beat the storm heading our way =([/FONT]

him:storms are awesome.I am in so in the mood for a storm, open windows, a sofa and a nap. maybe along side a pretty girl and a movie.

me:I agree, storms are always fun when you're indoors, lights dim, watching a movie, cuddled under a blanket, quite possibly with a handsome man playing footsies. when storms are NOT fun...being stuck in traffic on the highway, then get off the hwy to avoid even longer traffic ahead, but then end up getting stuck in traffic along a road that apparently everyone uses when avoiding hwy traffic, and finally arriving home after an hour of driving, legs cramped and all. ok back to the (contiuned)..so...I understand the commitment part, that you makes it lol, but confused about the "funfill" part, well..after you said I'd be more likely to funfill, do it or else kinda thing..ya know I'm a good girl until you make me bad, or you have to unlock my bad girl side so to speak which I think you're capable of doing. and no..I wouldn't be into the things that you said you wouldn't be either, kinky can be whatever you want it to be. when, and I said when, not "if", we get to that point, we'll figure it out. =)

end of convo (I just sent it but havent' received an email back yet)

SO...can someone translate, or was I being bad?

sorry for the different font styles, but I'm just wondering how to handle this guy, because it seems like he likes to throw a loop here and there, and I try to stay distant from the whole sex part of it, or act aloof. Please tell me what I should do different, I'm open to criticism as always, so don't worry.

[/FONT]

[chill chic]

sorry it was so long!!

[Island Girl]

I took the liberty of removing all the [FONT] stuff...

 

I don't know...I guess it's hard for me to switch that button off when the guy's talking about sex, because I usually feed right into it SO BAD I know, maybe I need to get check by a doctor for a abnormally high libido lol. But seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me.

 

You did not feed into it. You STARTED it.

 

So..today I was talking to my other guy friend, and we began as friends, then he quickly started talking about sexual or sexual kinda comments, so I would say something back, EXCEPT that I'll act like or say like I'm hanging a carrot over his head, such as if he brings it up, I'll either dodge the question or comment OR act like I'm being aloof, but making him think the feeling is still there.

 

You don't dodge anything. You don't react in any way as you describe above. You respond like you are warm for his form and anxious to do the deed.

 

1st message of our convo (didn't start out sexual)

text msg-me: fyi..RFK will be in "..." tonight. it would be fun to go, but I'm sure tickets are sold out & I know you're at the capitol. but just wanted to say hi and hope you're doing well.

text msg-him:thanks for the heads up on the RFK Jr thing to night. i wish I could go

this whole 'work' thing sucks :)I am doing well..and my best to YOU!

text msg-me:no prob, thanks =)

text msg-him:it was lastnight

 

Not bad so far.

 

email-me:

I just got your other text message and oh my gosh that sucks that it was yesterday!! my mom had actually told me about it because she loves the Kennedy family and Boston of course, but I didn't realize it was yesterday, that's a bummer, but I wouldn't have been able to go anyway =( yah I hear ya about the work thing lol. how's it going? are you out of session for the day? well tomorrow I'll be flying out so I work a half a day tomorrow so I can be on the plane by 5pm. So don't party too hard without me this weekend!! ; )

Still not that bad but this lends itself to the rest of the tone of your side of the conversation. --- By the way the wink could be taken in a different context.

email-him:

we are in all day today, then tomorrow morning and all next week, 9am til death every day. then done next friday at 6pm .then I am on the road for 2-3 days

hopefully land in "..." for a day off a week from wed. then I can focus on getting in shape for summer. I feel of crap. ugh

 

He doesn't bring up anything sexual. Just chatting. And then:

 

email-me:it sounds like you have very long days, well not too much longer at least from what you said. well I'll have to travel to you instead lol.

 

You are quite forward about seeing him with this statement. And then:

 

I'm sure you're in good shape,

 

So you haven't even met him at this point...

 

I like to exercise, we can always hit up exercising together sometime, that would be fun.

 

Again REALLY forward. At this point he hasn't made any move to ask you out or even suggest a possible meeting but you've thrown it out there -- twice.

 

I'm sorry that you feel like crap.that's not much fun. need a good massage? lol =P

 

So you have suggested seeing him twice - making ALL the overtures - and then you suggest a MASSAGE?

 

How do you think he's going to take that?!!

 

You have not even met the man and you have stated you'd travel to where he is to see him, that you'd love to hang out - even exercising - which is a desperate move, by the way, and now you are suggesting giving him a massage.

 

It sounds like you are so sprung on him already that he doesn't have to do much. You come off like all he'd have to do is name the time and the place - then you'd be there an hour early just waiting with pure anticipation. Like a cat in heat.

 

him: i don't like exercising with girls...unless I am bike riding... orrrrrrr.....doing other things to burn calories

 

He picked up the cue from all you said previously. And slides a more subtle response your way. (Yours was blatant.)

 

 

(ok here is where i messed up I think or fed into his thought process)

 

It was your thought process - he is picking up the tone from you - and you messed up long before this -- way back when...at the very beginning.

 

me:well bike riding is fun, ever been on the "..." trail? it's pretty scenery. or even "..." park for that matter. haha I like the OR part...I can only imagine what you mean by that ; )

 

You keep it going - adding more fuel to the fire.

 

Another wink - innuendo. "I like the OR part" was obviously suggestive on your part.

 

him:so what are you bringing me back from arkansas?

 

He reigns it back in. The conversation could step away from being sexual at this point but noooo...

 

 

me: hmm...myself..lol, nah for real though..what would you like any suggestions?

 

You throw it out there AGAIN. Offering yourself up on a silver platter.

 

You haven't met him -- or been out on one date with him, right?

 

Completely inappropriate if you do not want him to think you are an easy quick to jump into bed girl.

 

Things like this can be flirty - but only after there is an established attraction as in at least one date (I'd say more)-- and then YOU shouldn't be the first one throwing it out there nor should it be hammered again and again as you have done in this conversation.

 

him: yourself? in what way?

 

Oooo. Tough one. He knew exactly what you meant. You know what you meant too. The tone of this conversation makes you sound really desperate.

 

me:(I changed the subject) and we started talking about bike riding in different parts of the state.

 

Then you call a halt to it -- (good. wish you had earlier) but this can be seen two ways.

 

1. that you want him to chase the idea

2. that you are just playing games.

 

Either way you are stepping away from the thought of any kind or relationship -- unless you just want to be "friends with benefits" (which I don't think you want) and even then there isn't much of a friendship.

 

then he sent back a lil while after-

him:what did you get me for my birthday?

me:just you wait and see...does that keep you on the edge of your seat? it's a surprise =P

 

Could have been answered in a way that didn't suggest there could be something sexual. But you had to take it in that direction again.

 

Especially with the tongue out smilie. You know what you were implying.

 

him:no. bores. me specifics please. me makes it into a commitment

and you are mor likely to funfill..er fullfill a commitment

 

Again, he is being suggestive but not as blatantly as you are.

 

me:ohh...well you're no fun..ok so..ah..I see..funfill a commitment eh? huh I'm more to offer than just a kinky romp in the bed...what do you have to offer? I guess it must be something good..I like the whole package so far..the other is just another "important" piece of the puzzle. and umm..what kinda kinky are you talking about?

 

YOU suggested kinky.

 

"What do you have to offer?" -- Loaded question.

"I guess it must be something good" -- Loaded answer to your own question.

"I like the whole package so far" - you don't know that much about him so when this is put together with the rest of the conversation, it sounds purely physical and - with the tone of your texts - sexual.

 

"THE OTHER IS JUST ANOTHER 'IMPORTANT' PIECE OF THE PUZZLE" - ?!!

You are very clearly talking about his genitalia. How much more sexual can you get?

 

"What kind of kinky are you talking about?" --- obviously it is sexual. So you are baiting him to get even more specific.

 

 

him:i would not think that 'kinky' involves a bed?

me:to be continued from my home email ; ) I gotsta go so I can beat the storm heading our way =(

 

So there is a promise of continuing the inappropriate conversation.

I think you know just enough of the tool of suggestive talk to get you to places you don't want to be. Not enough to know when it is appropriate to use it when gaining or maintaining a relationship.

 

him:storms are awesome.I am in so in the mood for a storm, open windows, a sofa and a nap. maybe along side a pretty girl and a movie.

me:I agree, storms are always fun when you're indoors, lights dim, watching a movie, cuddled under a blanket, quite possibly with a handsome man playing footsies. when storms are NOT fun...being stuck in traffic on the highway, then get off the hwy to avoid even longer traffic ahead, but then end up getting stuck in traffic along a road that apparently everyone uses when avoiding hwy traffic, and finally arriving home after an hour of driving, legs cramped and all.

 

Innocent enough but then you bring it right back to the conversation.

 

ok back to the (contiuned)..so...I understand the commitment part, that you makes it lol,

 

You are letting him know he calls the shots. You'd be up for anything.

 

but confused about the "funfill" part, well..after you said I'd be more likely to funfill, do it or else kinda thing..

 

You aren't confused. You know what he is talking about, you've been suggesting it the entire conversation, and he knows what he is talking about as well. He called you on your banter. You got out of it temporarily but then put yourself right back in the hot water.

 

ya know I'm a good girl until you make me bad, or you have to unlock my bad girl side so to speak

 

This is a clear sexual invitation. That you are inviting him to unlock your bad girl.

 

If there was any question that you want him sexually - you say:

 

which I think you're capable of doing.

 

If there was ANY doubt you remove it with this statement. Now you have told him he can have you.

 

But you go one step further:

 

and no..I wouldn't be into the things that you said you wouldn't be either, kinky can be whatever you want it to be.

 

Definitely talking about sex.

 

However he wants it -- whatever he's into -- you just said you'd be up for any or all of it carte blanche.

 

Yet you STILL go one step further:

 

when, and I said when, not "if", we get to that point, we'll figure it out. =)

 

So you have stated there WILL be a time he gets to sleep with you.

 

He hasn't had to put out any effort at all. He hasn't even made a move to ask you out on a date and you are telling him - you will sleep with him. You know nothing about him really. You haven't been out with him - even once - he has even gotten out of committing to seeing you at all (remember the "I like to work out alone" comment) and yet you are THROWING yourself at him.

 

end of convo (I just sent it but havent' received an email back yet)

SO...can someone translate, or was I being bad?

sorry for the different font styles, but I'm just wondering how to handle this guy, because it seems like he likes to throw a loop here and there, and I try to stay distant from the whole sex part of it, or act aloof. Please tell me what I should do different, I'm open to criticism as always, so don't worry.

 

I was pretty blunt. Sorry if it comes across as brutal.

 

I didn't think I should dance around when everything is so CRYSTAL.

 

The bolded part above is not what you do. So if you are trying to do so -- it isn't working. You brought it up. You let the monster out of the cage, you fed the monster the entire conversation, and you seem surprised when the monster wants more food and comes looking for you.

 

All you have discussed is sexual innuendo. The little comments about bike riding or work were so insignificant they aren't even a blip on the radar.

 

Sorry kiddo. You are portraying yourself as an easy desperate girl. Those girls aren't usually seen as long term material.

[chill chic]

I took the liberty of removing all the [FONT] stuff...

 

 

 

You did not feed into it. You STARTED it.

 

 

 

You don't dodge anything. You don't react in any way as you describe above. You respond like you are warm for his form and anxious to do the deed.

 

 

 

Not bad so far.

 

Still not that bad but this lends itself to the rest of the tone of your side of the conversation. --- By the way the wink could be taken in a different context.

 

 

He doesn't bring up anything sexual. Just chatting. And then:

 

 

 

You are quite forward about seeing him with this statement. And then:

 

 

 

So you haven't even met him at this point...

 

 

 

Again REALLY forward. At this point he hasn't made any move to ask you out or even suggest a possible meeting but you've thrown it out there -- twice.

 

 

 

So you have suggested seeing him twice - making ALL the overtures - and then you suggest a MASSAGE?

 

How do you think he's going to take that?!!

 

You have not even met the man and you have stated you'd travel to where he is to see him, that you'd love to hang out - even exercising - which is a desperate move, by the way, and now you are suggesting giving him a massage.

 

It sounds like you are so sprung on him already that he doesn't have to do much. You come off like all he'd have to do is name the time and the place - then you'd be there an hour early just waiting with pure anticipation. Like a cat in heat.

 

 

 

He picked up the cue from all you said previously. And slides a more subtle response your way. (Yours was blatant.)

 

 

 

 

It was your thought process - he is picking up the tone from you - and you messed up long before this -- way back when...at the very beginning.

 

 

 

You keep it going - adding more fuel to the fire.

 

Another wink - innuendo. "I like the OR part" was obviously suggestive on your part.

 

 

 

He reigns it back in. The conversation could step away from being sexual at this point but noooo...

 

 

 

 

You throw it out there AGAIN. Offering yourself up on a silver platter.

 

You haven't met him -- or been out on one date with him, right?

 

Completely inappropriate if you do not want him to think you are an easy quick to jump into bed girl.

 

Things like this can be flirty - but only after there is an established attraction as in at least one date (I'd say more)-- and then YOU shouldn't be the first one throwing it out there nor should it be hammered again and again as you have done in this conversation.

 

 

 

Oooo. Tough one. He knew exactly what you meant. You know what you meant too. The tone of this conversation makes you sound really desperate.

 

 

 

Then you call a halt to it -- (good. wish you had earlier) but this can be seen two ways.

 

1. that you want him to chase the idea

2. that you are just playing games.

 

Either way you are stepping away from the thought of any kind or relationship -- unless you just want to be "friends with benefits" (which I don't think you want) and even then there isn't much of a friendship.

 

 

 

Could have been answered in a way that didn't suggest there could be something sexual. But you had to take it in that direction again.

 

Especially with the tongue out smilie. You know what you were implying.

 

 

 

Again, he is being suggestive but not as blatantly as you are.

 

 

 

YOU suggested kinky.

 

"What do you have to offer?" -- Loaded question.

"I guess it must be something good" -- Loaded answer to your own question.

"I like the whole package so far" - you don't know that much about him so when this is put together with the rest of the conversation, it sounds purely physical and - with the tone of your texts - sexual.

 

"THE OTHER IS JUST ANOTHER 'IMPORTANT' PIECE OF THE PUZZLE" - ?!!

You are very clearly talking about his genitalia. How much more sexual can you get?

 

"What kind of kinky are you talking about?" --- obviously it is sexual. So you are baiting him to get even more specific.

 

 

 

 

So there is a promise of continuing the inappropriate conversation.

I think you know just enough of the tool of suggestive talk to get you to places you don't want to be. Not enough to know when it is appropriate to use it when gaining or maintaining a relationship.

 

 

 

Innocent enough but then you bring it right back to the conversation.

 

 

 

You are letting him know he calls the shots. You'd be up for anything.

 

 

 

You aren't confused. You know what he is talking about, you've been suggesting it the entire conversation, and he knows what he is talking about as well. He called you on your banter. You got out of it temporarily but then put yourself right back in the hot water.

 

 

 

This is a clear sexual invitation. That you are inviting him to unlock your bad girl.

 

If there was any question that you want him sexually - you say:

 

 

 

If there was ANY doubt you remove it with this statement. Now you have told him he can have you.

 

But you go one step further:

 

 

 

Definitely talking about sex.

 

However he wants it -- whatever he's into -- you just said you'd be up for any or all of it carte blanche.

 

Yet you STILL go one step further:

 

 

 

So you have stated there WILL be a time he gets to sleep with you.

 

He hasn't had to put out any effort at all. He hasn't even made a move to ask you out on a date and you are telling him - you will sleep with him. You know nothing about him really. You haven't been out with him - even once - he has even gotten out of committing to seeing you at all (remember the "I like to work out alone" comment) and yet you are THROWING yourself at him.

 

 

 

I was pretty blunt. Sorry if it comes across as brutal.

 

I didn't think I should dance around when everything is so CRYSTAL.

 

The bolded part above is not what you do. So if you are trying to do so -- it isn't working. You brought it up. You let the monster out of the cage, you fed the monster the entire conversation, and you seem surprised when the monster wants more food and comes looking for you.

 

All you have discussed is sexual innuendo. The little comments about bike riding or work were so insignificant they aren't even a blip on the radar.

 

Sorry kiddo. You are portraying yourself as an easy desperate girl. Those girls aren't usually seen as long term material.

 

wow Island Girl, I'd like to thank you for the time you put into translating my convo with this guy. But now I want to cry!! I don't know why I don't realize what I say, and it's definitely the wrong impression I truely don't want to give off. Yikes I really messed up, and I think he'd be a great guy to have a relationship with, but I'm the one that's already messing it up. How do I recover or how do I get back to the seriousness or normalness (not a word I know) of a potential relationship? Please I want to really try to make it work with this guy, at least go on more dates, (we did meet up and hang out once, nothing sexual, we met up with my friends and his at the casino) What should I do?!! I want to send him an email back, but in a normal sense, how do I get that decency about me again? I know actions speak louder than words, BUT I want to redo what I might have messed up, so what should my next message be?!

[Star Gazer]

IG - I gotta commend you on breakin' it down like that. Couldn't agree more.

 

What sums it all up is this:

 

Sorry kiddo. You are portraying yourself as an easy desperate girl. Those girls aren't usually seen as long term material.

 

ChillChic, you really need to quit it with the sexual innuendo. Enough.

[208PUA]

At this time, what do you say we give a round of applause to Island Girl. That was an amazing insightful post!

[208PUA]

Hey Chill Chick, I'm gonna play Dr. Drew for a sec here.

 

First off how old are you?

 

Secondly, has anything traumatic ever occurred to you in the past.

 

Traumatic events in childhood can sometimes explain certain things with your personality as an adult.

[chill chic]

Hey Chill Chick, I'm gonna play Dr. Drew for a sec here.

 

First off how old are you?

 

Secondly, has anything traumatic ever occurred to you in the past.

 

Traumatic events in childhood can sometimes explain certain things with your personality as an adult.

 

I'm 26 yah too old to be acting like this for sure..but when I look back at my childhood, nothing too too traumatic, but ever since I was younger I always got suggestive comments from older guys, I don't know why I was a very conservative child, raised in a secure family. for some reason though, I always kinda feel weird around my dad, nothing has ever happened, that I can remember and that goes way back, but what I can't remember is from when I was 5 & younger, so I don't know if anything that happened before that could effect me now or if I don't even remember anything happening that it could still effect me, but I don't know about that. but in school I was always trying to be touched by other boys, and it didn't make sense to me.

and to be honest with all of you, and I don't tell many people this at all, but it might reveal certain characteristics of my actions, but I've been diagnosed with OCD in the past. and I had a learning disability in the past, both of which I've recovered from, but I think it explains why I try to sell myself in a sexual manner because I never thought I was good enough any other way.

[208PUA]

Well I'm no shrink, but if you didn't have a very good relationship with your father it could be that your going to extremes to try and get love and attention from men that you didn't get from your father.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[chill chic]

Well I'm no shrink, but if you didn't have a very good relationship with your father it could be that your going to extremes to try and get love and attention from men that you didn't get from your father.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

 

I think that's what it really comes down to. My dad always put pressure on me, almost perfectionist like, and I learned that if I didn't do anything right or his way, I wasn't good enough or he'd ignore me. Sad but true unfortunately.

[chill chic]

still though...how do I get it back to a "serious" type relationship/friendship rather than a "fun" type relationship? should I just say I was in a horny mood at the moment and apologize or what should I do? I want to change it up quick, so I know this thought of me being just a "fun girl" doesn't linger too long in his head or for good. How do I reverse the words that I said? Can someone please write a rough draft for me by chance?

[chill chic]

I had to do some searching to find this message that he sent a few weeks back, but it was the start of it all, and it was my mistake not to stop it when it started.

I sent him this message through myspace, like I said, a few weeks ago

"that's good, same here, going well.. it's kinda crunch time right now because it's the end of the month so we have to make a certain quota to get the bonus reward. so you got 2 amendments? nice =) yah I actually got the full 8 hours lastnight so that's a stretch for me! the gym is always good, are day is sorta looking the same lol because I ran on the treadmill this morning. I didn't know you played softball, I used to play awhile back when I was younger, it's alot of fun, but of course there wasn't alcohol at my games lol. I'm looking forward to the weekend too, not sure yet what I'm doing, although I can make time to hang out with you. so if ya wanna plan something or meet up let me know. I have fun anywhere I go, where do you like to hang out usually? lounges, bars? east side of course..which can be fun lol. ok that was kinda long, gotta get back to work, oh by the way...do you know anything about boats by chance?"

 

and this is what he wrote back:

"sure

lets meet up saturday afternoon at my house

plese show up half drunk

dressed like a slut

and horny

 

"

 

where did he get the idea in my message to him to talk about anything like that? just curious, but that's kinda how I figured he's more into fun than anything, but he tries to turn the tables with being serious sometimes, so it's hard to tell what he really wants, but it's definitely confusing me.

[208PUA]

I would say judging from that message that the guy is a jerk, and secondly he's already got you pegged as a piece of meat for his enjoyment. I don't think any guy who talk to any woman like that he was seriously interesting in a relationship with.

 

I would say forget about this guy. Take a long hard look at yourself and work on ways to show your more than just a piece of meat. Play hard to get even. Drive us men crazy when girls play hard to get.

 

Listen to this really bad analogy I just thought up. Fishing. Men go fishing for the joy of the hunt. If the fish just jumped in the boat there would be no fun to it. And darling, your jumping in the boat.

 

Most of all you need to avoid the sexual inuendo until your actually dating a guy. I know from personal experience if a relationship starts of on a strictly sexual basis, thats pretty much where its gonna stay sadly.

[Island Girl]

wow Island Girl, I'd like to thank you for the time you put into translating my convo with this guy.

 

You're welcome. I read your posts often but this one I just couldn't let go.

 

Cheers to Star Gazer and 208PUA. Thanks for the comments.

 

But now I want to cry!! I don't know why I don't realize what I say, and it's definitely the wrong impression I truely don't want to give off.

 

Yes, I know. That is what you keep saying. That you want a relationship and you want men to see you as something more than a sexual fling. But sweetie, you have to see yourself as something more than a fling before they will. And before you protest AT ALL and say "I do see myself as something more" - you don't. You don't come across as confident or strong. And you certainly wouldn't be getting into these kinds of predicaments.

 

You ARE more than a sexual being. But until YOU nurture that part of yourself, and realize you are one in a million, you will keep doing such damage to your self esteem because you take these guys opinions SO seriously.

 

You need to get to the point where you KNOW you are what they seek and are they worthy of YOU? I don't mean financially or are they hot enough, good looking well off guys are all over the place - and those credentials mean nothing as far as defining them. You are looking for integrity, confidence, kindness, wit, intelligence, adventurousness, etc. -- The list goes on...

So why are you thinking or speaking sexually when you don't know if any of these guys really possess these qualities?

 

Any man, or woman for that matter, can portray themselves in a flattering way. It could all be a facade.

 

Imagine if this guy took you up on your offer - invited you to watch movies and "play footsies" - and then things got heated up and you slept with him.

What would that accomplish? You'd stress and worry even more about why he hasn't sent a text - by the way -- texting does not belong in a relationship (unless it is a quick "I'll be home a little late" or something obviously after there is an established relationship). ----- If a guy can't put in the effort to call and actually speak to you then he shouldn't get to speak with you in any way, shape, or form.

 

Yikes I really messed up, and I think he'd be a great guy to have a relationship with,

 

You have no idea about that. Don't set your expectations of who you think he is until you begin to know who he is. And you don't know him.

 

but I'm the one that's already messing it up. How do I recover or how do I get back to the seriousness or normalness (not a word I know) of a potential relationship?

 

Back off the sex talk. Let him contact you and, when he does, get your thinking cap on and actually have a conversation. While you are talking - think of what subjects would tell more about him -- his character, morals, hell, what his favorite ice cream is. Try to TALK.

 

He is just a guy. He is nothing special. What makes a guy special is the way he treats YOU. So until he shows himself to BE something special he stays in the 'general' category.

 

Please I want to really try to make it work with this guy, at least go on more dates, (we did meet up and hang out once, nothing sexual, we met up with my friends and his at the casino)

 

If you can wrangle your friends to meet up with his again - that is your best bet. But DO NOT set it all up yourself. It would be best if it was set up by other members of your circle. You should just be there as happenstance.

 

Do not push yourself on him. Hang with everyone and enjoy yourself. Do not make him a priority -- your head will be screaming that you need to get and maintain his attention -- less is more.

If he talks to you, again, have a CONVERSATION. Not innuendo or off color comments. Do not pick up where you left off.

 

If there is anything to salvage he'll seek you out. Keep it in the back of your head that you already promised him sex at some point and he may be wanting to call in the IOU. If you stay on the straight and narrow, he'll show his true colors. He'll either be respectful of that or he'll blow you off.

 

If he blows you off, he was only looking for one thing. It is best to know up front at this point so you can learn this lesson and apply it to others in the future.

 

What should I do?!! I want to send him an email back, but in a normal sense, how do I get that decency about me again? I know actions speak louder than words, BUT I want to redo what I might have messed up, so what should my next message be?!

 

There are no re-dos. It is what it is right now.

 

Do not contact him, let him contact you.

 

You get your decency back by behaving that way and being proud of yourself. You will gain a lot by treating yourself as someone worthwhile. You are gonna be around in your own life forever. You better start becoming someone you actually like to be with. Liking yourself and developing the ability to enjoy being alone with yourself is the best thing you can do.

 

By the way, I was sexually abused as a child. I carried around a lot of crap from that for a long time. I also grew up without a father. My parents divorced the year I was born and he moved cross country. I met him once when I was 22. There weren't any stand ins, my mother did not date anyone - still doesn't.

 

Anything that happened in your childhood does not have to define you or your responses to men or relationships.

 

You are an adult. You can be whatever you want to be.

 

If you want to be a strong confident independent woman who commands respect then BE IT.

I am a strong believer in "fake it till you make it". If you feel insecure or unsure - put your game face on.

 

As an aside - you seem to be at least trying to focus on your career and at 26 a DUI could potentially have some very serious consequences which would completely annihilate your future.

 

You exhibit self destructive behavior. Not just the lack of judgment where drinking and driving is concerned but also your willingness to sacrifice your self esteem to be seen as sexually appealing.

 

Here's a big lesson - a guy will sleep with someone he doesn't find appealing in any other way.

So how are you special? What makes you different? WHO YOU ARE. So start showing everyone who you really are and you'll find the man that wants to be around you because he genuinely likes your company. THEN and ONLY THEN do you move on to the next step.

 

Don't you have any one to talk to who is successful at getting and maintaining relationships? Your mom - a friend - anyone (female)?