chill chic Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I like this guy, and I believe he likes me too, but we aren't bf/gf. I think it's just an ego thing with him, where he likes me to be around for his own ego, but won't admit that he wants to be my bf. I hung out with him & his cousin last Saturday night, things were going well, but I kinda think, slightly, that is cousin kinda likes me BUT I'm not for sure, he could just be nice to me because of his cousin. Anyway...I was drinking since it was cinco de mayo and accidentally said "I like both of you, then his cousin said, "well we could have a 3some" But the guy that I like didn't say anything, or he's shy or something, but I was making moves on him ALL night so that he knows that I like him. He was too, and has been talking like he does, but he doesn't make me his gf. Well to be nice, I added his cousin to myspace, but asked the guy that I like if it was ok that I added his cousin, he said "you can add him...that's fine...I don't care" but what does he REALLY mean? He's not talking to me like he used to, at least as often as he used to. Another thing is that his cousin changed his relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single" right before he added me, which I noticed before that it said in a relationship when I wasn't a friend on his myspace. Now all the sudden it's changed? So...I'm not sure if the guy I like knows that his cousin likes me and is backing off OR he thinks that I'm just in it for a good time? Because I'm not!!!!! I told him he'd be the guy that I want to have a genuine relationship with because he's a good guy, but after I said that he's been kinda different, so I'm thinking that this past weekend messed something up between us because of his cousin? How do I reverse it if he thinks I'm just in it for sex? I really want to make it work with this guy.
208PUA Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Darling, I think your problem is that your worry WAY too much about silly stuff like his relationship status on MySpace, just take it easy. If you ask me the cousin sounds like a jerkoff and you should just focus on the guy you like. If you like the guy and think he likes you, why don't YOU ask HIM out??
tanbark813 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Saying you like both guys right in front of each of them makes you look like a girl who's not relationship material. If you want to focus on one guy then do just that, otherwise both of them aren't going to want you for anything more than a f**kbuddy (if that).
Star Gazer Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 The cousin was testing the waters. The dudes want a 3some - nothing more. Move on.
Star Gazer Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Saying you like both guys right in front of each of them makes you look like a girl who's not relationship material. If you want to focus on one guy then do just that, otherwise both of them aren't going to want you for anything more than a f**kbuddy (if that). Yup, yup. You can't be this overtly sexual girl, making comments like that (and while drunk, no less), and flirt with both of them and expect that either one of them will want to commit to you. Smarten up, chica. I know you have it in you. Behave like the girl you want your future son to bring home someday. THAT's how you'll find a good guy.
Tenorman Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Yes it was a bad move. The only way you could possibly retrieve the situation and get what you want is to tell him that you want to be his girlfriend exclusive of all others. If he does not respond positively to that, then he's not a good guy or the situation is hopeless and you should move on. Anyway, that's how I see it.
Author chill chic Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Yup, yup. You can't be this overtly sexual girl, making comments like that (and while drunk, no less), and flirt with both of them and expect that either one of them will want to commit to you. Smarten up, chica. I know you have it in you. Behave like the girl you want your future son to bring home someday. THAT's how you'll find a good guy. Thanks Star Gazer, I always appreciate your help. I don't know why I do that, and why I'm like that, it's like I'm begging for someone to confess that they want me to be their gf, and they aren't fessing up even though I know they like me just by the way they act & talk. Well I'm talking about that guy in particular, not the cousin, but I believe his cousin was trying to stir up something that night, and I ended up making myself look like someone I don't want to look like. That's the thing though, and I'm so sick of it, and I think it's what is driving me crazy about guys, is that even though I KNOW that they like me, even get jealous when I'm around other guys or what have you, the guy won't come out & say that they want to be my bf or take it to the next level. It's always that they see me as a piece of a**, and I don't even dress or act in a way that would conclude that thought. I wore a cute black halter dress that night and I could tell guys were staring, but what the h*ll, the guy I like saw that, BUT he won't make the next move with me. I don't understand, and I don't understand guys!! Oh and as I was walking to his car, with his cousin to drive home, I walked passed a car and heard my name. Well this guy I'm friends with called out my name so I walked over to say hi, he could clearly see that I was with 2 other guys, but I guess he wanted my attention because he's interested or what? I'm always..always..confused..
alphamale Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Saying you like both guys right in front of each of them makes you look like a girl who's not relationship material. If you want to focus on one guy then do just that, otherwise both of them aren't going to want you for anything more than a f**kbuddy (if that). i would tend to agree...
tanbark813 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 the guy I like saw that, BUT he won't make the next move with me. Give not flirting with his cousin a whirl. It's not rocket science.
Author chill chic Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Yes it was a bad move. The only way you could possibly retrieve the situation and get what you want is to tell him that you want to be his girlfriend exclusive of all others. If he does not respond positively to that, then he's not a good guy or the situation is hopeless and you should move on. Anyway, that's how I see it. that's exactly what I did that following sunday. I messaged him back since he messaged me earlier that day, and I told him that "if I had to choose a guy it would be you, and that I'd give up all other guys for you because I think you're a great guy." and just left it at that. He read it because I can tell when people read my messages, and no response really. just about messaging me back about if I could add his cousin like I mentioned in the thread earlier. so I dunno, what he's thinking. but my retarded a** said something sexual of course, so he might not be responding because of that. and I could hit myself in the head for being so forward, but I'm the kind of person who will speak my mind, and sometimes it's not the best idea I'm learning but very slowly
Tenorman Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Immature guys. When you meet someone decent, straight up and honest, (and I hope you do and return the same in kind) you will not suffer such angst.
Author chill chic Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Give not flirting with his cousin a whirl. It's not rocket science. I understand tan
Author chill chic Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Immature guys. When you meet someone decent, straight up and honest, (and I hope you do and return the same in kind) you will not suffer such angst. that's basically the truth in this situation, but I'm guilty of being immature with them, but I act in that way if they are acting in that way and what I should just learn to do is walk away with pride then play their stupid games, so I should have more sense than that, but sometimes in the moment I don't. I'm just yearning for a decent, mature guy to come along and sweep me off my feet to where I don't have to worry so much about all these different guys that I know. I know I need to relax and let love find me, but I get rather impatient at times and at times anxious. I'm 26 and all I want to focus on is my career, a loving relationship and my future with that certain someone, and when I can't have it or know that I can have it at the moment I freak out I guess.
Tenorman Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Well said and insightful. Play that kind of music and (hopefully) the right guy will come along. Best of luck.
Star Gazer Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Here are a couple problem areas: ...it's like I'm begging for someone to confess that they want me to be their gf... Since when is obvious desperation attractive? Is a guy who's begging for you to want to be their GF attractive? Eww, no. ...even though I know they like me just by the way they act & talk.... No, you're wrong here. The guys you've been talking about here on LS for FO-EVA have been acting and talking as though you are nothing but a piece of a$$. Asking you for a threesome? Yes, I know it was the cousin in this particular situation, but the guy you like didn't say anything to defend your honor. Huge sign. It's always that they see me as a piece of a**, and I don't even dress or act in a way that would conclude that thought. I wore a cute black halter dress that night and I could tell guys were staring, but what the h*ll.... You were drunk. You said you liked both of them. You wore a SEXY black halter dress. (Admit it, it was sexy - you wanted attention.) You're acting and behaving like a sex pot. If it acts like a duck, and walks like a duck... Again, you have to change YOUR behavior and the way YOU interact with these guys before they'll treat you differently - and in the manner you want and deserve to be treated. YOU - and only YOU - teach people how to treat you. I think you should try picking up guys at a karaoke bar instead. Wear jeans and a cute top - no a f*ck-me outfit. :bunny:
tanbark813 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I think you should try picking up guys at a karaoke bar instead. Hell yeah. Those are the best kind.
Author chill chic Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Here are a couple problem areas: Since when is obvious desperation attractive? Is a guy who's begging for you to want to be their GF attractive? Eww, no. No, you're wrong here. The guys you've been talking about here on LS for FO-EVA have been acting and talking as though you are nothing but a piece of a$$. Asking you for a threesome? Yes, I know it was the cousin in this particular situation, but the guy you like didn't say anything to defend your honor. Huge sign. You were drunk. You said you liked both of them. You wore a SEXY black halter dress. (Admit it, it was sexy - you wanted attention.) You're acting and behaving like a sex pot. If it acts like a duck, and walks like a duck... Again, you have to change YOUR behavior and the way YOU interact with these guys before they'll treat you differently - and in the manner you want and deserve to be treated. YOU - and only YOU - teach people how to treat you. I think you should try picking up guys at a karaoke bar instead. Wear jeans and a cute top - no a f*ck-me outfit. :bunny: I totally see your point, and first things first, I need to dress more appropriately, as in a simple pair of jeans & a cute top. And another reason is because, yes I do get looks & attention whenever I wear a skirt or dress because I do have nice legs lol BUT I should pay attention to the actual kind of attention that feeds off the way I dress in that respect. The guy I like actually said while I was sitting at the table with him & his cousin if I was wearing the dress to get guys to like me. I was a little embarrassed and I said, no , and changed the subject. But why would he come right out & ask me? To embarrass me? Later on when his cousin said that about the 3some, the guy I like said "huh yah" sarcastically but in a way that he was mad that his cousin said that. Anyway..I'm not sure WHY or WHERE I got this attitude about myself, wearing outfits like that but the last guy I was with treated me like a trophy and I always like the compliments I got from him and the attention I got from him, so I think my self-esteem was and still is confused from that relationship, and I wish and hope I can have better respect for myself, I don't know what it is or why I have this "ha" I can get any guy I want behavior but I need to change that because I'm getting to the point where I want to find a decent guy, and the way it's been going, as you well know, I keep meeting the same type. And it's not the best way to get a guy when a guy knows that you have alot of guys that want you, because I think, well all these guys like me why doesn't he work harder at being with me? But I guess it doesn't work like that, because it doesn't make the guy work harder but rather work less, like he backs off, I don't know Do guys pass up a girl that they know can get alot of guys or what? That's what I don't understand if they can't step up to the plate and tell me what they want, because I might just want a meaningful relationship with them. But why do they back off?
Author chill chic Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 another quick question...if I wanted to be honest with the guy I like, and explain sorta why I act or dress the way I do from my last relationship (the guy literally treated me superficially) would he then realize where I'm coming from? I would like to try a relationship with this guy, and since he made that comment I want to talk about it again with him and let him know that I lost my sense of who I was when I was with my last guy. I don't know if I should but we're good friends and hopefully he can be someone that I can talk with or can earn my trust. Is that a good idea?
Star Gazer Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 another quick question...if I wanted to be honest with the guy I like, and explain sorta why I act or dress the way I do from my last relationship (the guy literally treated me superficially) would he then realize where I'm coming from? I would like to try a relationship with this guy, and since he made that comment I want to talk about it again with him and let him know that I lost my sense of who I was when I was with my last guy. I don't know if I should but we're good friends and hopefully he can be someone that I can talk with or can earn my trust. Is that a good idea? NO. First, he's not your therapist. Second, talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. SHOW him you're GF material. That said, I get the feeling you change to suit the guy you're dating/interested in... that you haven't really "found yourself" yet. I think you really need to learn to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin - even in sweats - before you'll find the type of REAL relationship you're looking for.
208PUA Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 NO. First, he's not your therapist. Second, talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. SHOW him you're GF material. That said, I get the feeling you change to suit the guy you're dating/interested in... that you haven't really "found yourself" yet. I think you really need to learn to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin - even in sweats - before you'll find the type of REAL relationship you're looking for. I totally agree with you Star Gazer. For a long time I was the type to change myself to better suit a girl I liked. Let me tell you its a lot of work, and you'll be unhappy constantly trying to be a totally different person. Be yourself and find someone who's gonna love you for it.
Author chill chic Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 NO. First, he's not your therapist. Second, talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words. SHOW him you're GF material. That said, I get the feeling you change to suit the guy you're dating/interested in... that you haven't really "found yourself" yet. I think you really need to learn to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin - even in sweats - before you'll find the type of REAL relationship you're looking for. I do want to show him, instead of sound crazy and confide all my problems, I certainly don't want to appear like that, that's why I'm on here Well he's actually out of town right now for baseball, so I can't exactly show him in person, but if I talk to him on the phone, just act like we've been friends for awhile, but just keep it at that right? I'm not talking sex with him anymore and hopefully he'll realize that he's more than that or that I'm not looking for that type of relationship. I do act as if I'm a chamelion with guys alot of the times, and that may come across as insecure and that's not what I want either. I really need to start focusing on myself instead of worrying about guys all the time, because it's actually making it worse. And you're right about when I do come to love myself and feel comfortable with myself, I'll have a better sense of what a REAL relationship should be. Great advice Star Gazer, much love.
Author chill chic Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 I totally agree with you Star Gazer. For a long time I was the type to change myself to better suit a girl I liked. Let me tell you its a lot of work, and you'll be unhappy constantly trying to be a totally different person. Be yourself and find someone who's gonna love you for it. and yes I am unhappy when I try to do that, so I have ALOT of thinking and changing to do for the better
Star Gazer Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I'm not talking sex with him anymore... Girl, what the heck are you doing? "Talking sex" will SURELY lead ANY guy to think that's what you're looking for. As for this guy, it might be very difficult to change his impression of you. Honestly, you'll look a little loco. Find a completely different/new guy, and behave as you should: no sex talk, no overly sexual clothes, no flirting with his friends, no changing to fit what you think he wants.
Kamille Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Ah my dear CC, I think you're trying to navigate the contradiction between what Hollywood's standard of attractive women should be and the real-life quest for a soulmate. Of course you want to share your life with someone. But you don't want to share it with just anyone, right? I don't think anyone 'gets' a guy to be her bf. Relationships usually develop SLOWLY and the bf-gf status eventually naturally occurs. If it doesn't, it's a waste of time. Since what you are looking for is a healthy relationship, then it's up to you to move on when a situation doesn't suit you. And have faith yourself that you will always take the best care of yourself. And one important thing to know, something that friends have told me that has changed my life: you asked: what does he really mean? That's a useless question with guys. Guys say what they mean and mean what they say. Never try to read into a guy's mind. That's a waste of time. One which will have keep you hanging on longer then you should. You say you think guys should work to be with you. YES! exactly. But the way it is now, by trying to read into his action, you are doing the work. Does that make sense? If we take it that guys mean what they say, if you leave it up to the guy to show his interest and be clear about his intentions, then he ends up doing the work. Meanwhile, this leaves you free to lead a splendid single's life, investing in activities that you enjoy doing for yourself. And also, this means that you have to let go of trying to 'repair' the situation with your current infatuation. Work on being, like SG said, the kind of women you would like your son to bring home. He'll either notice or he won't. But someone, someone great, will notice.
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