mrmaximum Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 I'm sorry to hear about this. Thanks TBF, what do you say, you make do. To be honest I really feel for Art_Critic. He was put in the position to actually TELL his step mom about his dad when he was a teenager. That blows, for real. This is the reason that I have pretty much no sympathy for cheaters or OW/OM who know what the deal is. When the bomb went off, it got on my mom, me, my bro, and my sis who at 11 years old had to be the rock my mother leaned on. Is that fair, is that fair to such a young girl? I think not. I stay away from the OM/OW boards because although I find what the do reprehensible, if they come here to LS, well, maybe they will get what they need AND LEAVE the situation, so I don't go over there and flame them. Whatever, I do try to live and let live, but with CERTAIN people around (you know who I mean) it can get a little touchy. Happy Mother's day all! I'm going to call my Mom right now!! Cheers!!
Claudia Elysa Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Exactly being unfaithful is more about self gratification. I mean come on if u honestly think it is about anything else then you have you truly are seeing life with rose colored glasses. At the end even if you end up with the other person it WILL NOT LAST...why?? Because if they were unfaithful to their spouse they will be unfaithful to you. Lastly, people that do not deserve the hurt like the children or the spouse that is unaware get the most hurt.
Flyin in Clouds Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 I never said all but there is a definite trend in society. Glad to see Woggle is up to his usual form... I have this theory that all women are whores... in the sense that they all want something in exchange for sex. None of them just gives it away free of charge. Anyway that's a side issue. Yes, infidelity hurts the marriage, but what was the cause of infidelity? That hurts the marriage too doesn't it? What if the guy just can't light her fire in bed? Or what if she has no interest in peforming certain sex acts that he'd like? What's a spouse to do? Just suffer for the rest of their life? Divorce? That seems a bit extreme when "a little strange" on the side might solve the problem. And if one spouse just isn't interested in sex why should they expect their partner to live like a monk? Can't we allow the person we love to have a little fun in their life? Does love mean being selfish? * (I know of a woman that wanted to swallow but her H thought that was disgusting and wouldn't let her, so she found some playmates that were happy to oblige in satisfying her desires. H doesn't know, probably never will... was she wrong? Her family is intact, she got what he wasn't willing to give... is there any real harm to anyone in that situation? And for the record - I'd think I died and went to heaven if my wife ever told me she wanted to swallow.... ) * There is a give and take in love of course. But does loving a person mean that if they want something and them having it would hurt us that we should deny them their pleasure in life? Life is short folks. Enjoy it will you can because all too soon we'll all be dead. Sex should be like fine wine. And it's OK to sample different bottles occasionally even if we have a favorite. I do think Woggle has a very excellent point, in that far too many women these days buy into the feminist rhetoric that a man just isn't all that important and certainly isn't necessary in their lives. And that tends to be poisonous.
outofdarkness Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Glad to see Woggle is up to his usual form... I have this theory that all women are whores... in the sense that they all want something in exchange for sex. None of them just gives it away free of charge. Anyway that's a side issue. Yes, infidelity hurts the marriage, but what was the cause of infidelity? That hurts the marriage too doesn't it? What if the guy just can't light her fire in bed? Or what if she has no interest in peforming certain sex acts that he'd like? What's a spouse to do? Just suffer for the rest of their life? Divorce? That seems a bit extreme when "a little strange" on the side might solve the problem. And if one spouse just isn't interested in sex why should they expect their partner to live like a monk? Can't we allow the person we love to have a little fun in their life? Does love mean being selfish? * (I know of a woman that wanted to swallow but her H thought that was disgusting and wouldn't let her, so she found some playmates that were happy to oblige in satisfying her desires. H doesn't know, probably never will... was she wrong? Her family is intact, she got what he wasn't willing to give... is there any real harm to anyone in that situation? And for the record - I'd think I died and went to heaven if my wife ever told me she wanted to swallow.... ) * There is a give and take in love of course. But does loving a person mean that if they want something and them having it would hurt us that we should deny them their pleasure in life? Life is short folks. Enjoy it will you can because all too soon we'll all be dead. Sex should be like fine wine. And it's OK to sample different bottles occasionally even if we have a favorite. I do think Woggle has a very excellent point, in that far too many women these days buy into the feminist rhetoric that a man just isn't all that important and certainly isn't necessary in their lives. And that tends to be poisonous. IMO, this is a really messed up post...
Lizzie60 Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Hi again. Does anyone else agree with me that infidelity destroys not just the relationship btw a husband and wife but also the family in general? If the cheater would just stop and think about how their running around eventually ruins the closeness, security and well being of the family maybe - just maybe - they would not be so quick to jump into the arms of the other man / woman. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence - as the saying goes. Eventually, in most cases - the sex gets old with the OM / OW. Then what? It just isn't worth it. Anyway thanks for reading my post Cardinal64 I'm probably the only one who will disagree that infidelity destroys a family... It might, if it's discovered... but if it's not known, I think, in some case, it might even help the couple and the family. Let's say one partner is not happy, usually it's the sex part, because for some reason one partner is not into sex anymore or whatever.... they have children, so instead of leaving and destroying the family, the partner who is 'cheats' is more happy...therefore if he's happier with his family, he will stop nagging his partner for what she is not providing anymore... so everyone's happy. I have seen so many men who said they wouldn't cheat if their wife would want more sex... (sex gets boring after so many years) they are just tired of begging for it..so they go get it somewhere else. Every other aspects of their life is great except for the sex. I remember with my first ex... I didn't want to leave him, but I didn't want sex with him anymore... I told him once that it was OK if he wanted to get another woman for sex... I wanted him to stray so he could leave me alone... We had a good life, children, good jobs, beautiful home... I just wanted him to leave me alone (sexually)... He was more like a 'best friend' than a 'husband' to me... So in this case, infidelity would have kept our family together...
whichwayisup Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 I'm probably the only one who will disagree that infidelity destroys a family... It might, if it's discovered... but if it's not known, I think, in some case, it might even help the couple and the family. So, is losing a family WORTH some hot sex with someone else? A chance that someone doesn't get caught, it's OK? Lizzie, yes, you probably are the ONLY ONE here who feels that infidelity is a good thing. Remember this when one day if your one or both of your daughters comes to you, completely devastated, after finding out her husband was with another woman. Are you going to tell your daugher, "Hey, it's OK, your H cheating could actually better your marriage, it's just a shame you found out." WTF.
mrmaximum Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Sigh. WWIU. Don't bother man, it isn't worth your time, okay? I agree with you OOD, that was a messed up post. Not the poster but the woman he they where talking about obviously doesn't see the world past their own wants and needs. Simple.
eroche Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Just for those who dont know my story, my wife has had an affair for 6-8 months, became infatuated, so did the guy she was with and even with the damage done to all members of the family and friends, she still loves me very much (as she says) but is still in love. We are now working on a divorce. We dont have any kids, but the guy she has had an affair with does. Two small baby kids under 5 years old. He said to be a soft sensitive person and loves his kids a lot. When the affair became open, he started the divorce asap while my wife began to have second thoughts. He was the one driving the socalled affair until my wife became even more infatuated. The last week, after 8 months and the divorce was in sight, she has started remorse and having big issues "by remembering me again". and cannot cope with the emotions and how things have turned out. My questions is now: Will this guy not starting to get out of the fog, even that he now lives alone and has "gotten my wife". Will this guys remorse not hit hard at some point? Or is it his guilt or pain so strong that he will try to justify it in winning my wife (STBXW) even more when she is in doubt and taking distance? Please any comments are welcome. cheers
whichwayisup Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Well, it depends on who the guy is inside. Maybe he'll wake up one day and feel remorse, regret and wish he could take it all back...Or maybe he truely fell inlove with your wife. Time will tell. I feel sad for those little kids, not a nice way to start off in life by having two parents apart. How are you doing E?
Flyin in Clouds Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 IMO, this is a really messed up post... care to say why? or what? How about a discussion of issues? Why shouldn't sex be like wine and we get to sample different bottle occasionally? Why all this focus on exlusive monogamy? Is that the only male/female relation that is valid? What of poligamy? Harems. Sounds fine to me...
Flyin in Clouds Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 I'm probably the only one who will disagree that infidelity destroys a family... ... (sex gets boring after so many years) ... Every other aspects of their life is great except for the sex. I'd agree if all parties agreed. I've got no problem with those that choose alternate, non-conventional lifestyles. I have a problem with cheating. If everyone agrees to extra marital sex then it's not cheating. But doing things behind someone's back... nope. If my wife had agreed I would have tried wife swapping or swinging. Of course that may have ended in disaster. But she did not agree so it was out the question. Not the poster but the woman he they where talking about obviously doesn't see the world past their own wants and needs. Simple. No it wasn't that simple. The woman wanted something her H wasn't about to give her. She had kids. Her choices where 1) divorce, give up kids or at least mess up their lives, 2) suffer, i.e. go without exepriences she craved - i.e. go to her grave never experience the things she wanted, 3) cheat and get what she wanted and never tell her H. She choose 3. I don't agree with her choice, but still it wasn't simple or easy. (To be fair she also told her H that if he ever had the chance to have another woman that he wanted, that she'd understand and he should do it.) And why shouldn't a man have a harem? Heff's got it pretty sweet.
Bigb912 Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 My wife of 10 years (next month) is currently doing that same thing, we have 2 children and I am now staying at my mothers for the last 3 weeks because she refused to tell me whose # was showing up on the cell phone bill. I found out the name using the internet and when I said his name she started screaming she wanted a divorce. I am 38, she is 36 and had a breast augmentation last September and got an old '68 porsche to rebuild. I asked her then "what's next a younger husband?" She replied, "Not if you act right"...I have "acted right". She was staying out later and later after work and started "nit-picking" about everything I did the last few months. She finally started telling me, "It's none of your business who I talk to!"...I have found out it's some 20 something year old guy that works where she does....It is very hard for me to fathom because her brothers ex-wife cheated on him, her best friends husband cheated on her, and she's always been so against adultry, and talked bad about them yet, here she is doing it to me!....It really hurts...I feel so betrayed!...I have never, in the 12 years we've been together cheated on her...That's something I can honestly, and proudly say.
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