Cardinal64 Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Hi again. Does anyone else agree with me that infidelity destroys not just the relationship btw a husband and wife but also the family in general? If the cheater would just stop and think about how their running around eventually ruins the closeness, security and well being of the family maybe - just maybe - they would not be so quick to jump into the arms of the other man / woman. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence - as the saying goes. Eventually, in most cases - the sex gets old with the OM / OW. Then what? It just isn't worth it. Anyway thanks for reading my post Cardinal64
quankanne Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 when someone enters into an extramarital affair, I don't think concern about the family is the first thing on that person's mind ... one of the shows I watch had a character who summed it up best, I thought: "I love my husband and my kids, but I want something that's mine alone." It's about that person's needs being fulfilled at the cost of his or her family.
IpAncA Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Yes I agree. I have in the past come across some OW/OM who think they don't come between the family and they do. Wish some would understand that. Even if they don't get caught, they do damage.
hurting_in_nw Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 I think it's also damaging in that it strains any future relationship between the parents. If the WS would have not been a coward and spoken up before the infidelity happened, the spouse left behind would still be broken-hearted, but not so bitter and angry over being cheated on.
BentSpine Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 If the WS would have not been a coward and spoken up before the infidelity happened, the spouse left behind would still be broken-hearted, but not so bitter and angry over being cheated on. Many stay because they don't think it would be any better to leave. But not only is meeting another bursting the dam of supressed emotions, it also gives hope of a decent life post break up.
Citizen Erased Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 It definitely has a huge effect on the family. Which is why I have always promised myself that if I was that unhappy in my relationship I would leave before starting any kind of relationship with another man. But thats only because of my own experiences, I am not here to judge other people.
hardcase Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Yes I agree. I have in the past come across some OW/OM who think they don't come between the family and they do. Wish some would understand that. The OW/OM understand it...they just don't care and try to convince everyone that its not their responsibility since it is not their children.
outofdarkness Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 MM, OW and OM dont' think about the effects that their cheating will have on the BS and family..They are only thinking of themselves and satisfying their needs and wants at that particular point in time. I do realize that serial cheaters and different...but IMO, it's all the same selfishness to me..Lets' face it, some just don't care!
justice Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I agree with you. It destroys everything and everyone it touches.
Woggle Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Most women care only about themselves so they don't really care what it does to their family.
Frances Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Even if there is no sex involved an affair still destroys the family. it takes time and energy away from the marriage and the kids instead of fixing things that are not going right in the marriage relationship. People involved in affairs do not think of anyone but themselves at the time. They may do afterwards but the damage is done by then.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Most women care only about themselves so they don't really care what it does to their family.Do you think they're inherently evil, or do you think society has spoiled them?
Frances Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Most women care only about themselves so they don't really care what it does to their family. I hope you mean most women who have affairs and also this would go for most men who have affairs.
Woggle Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Do you think they're inherently evil, or do you think society has spoiled them? Society teaches women from birth to hate men so women don't have any guilt for cheating on men or treating men like gargbage because are are garbage to them.
Curmudgeon Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Ya know, there's help with a problem like yours. All you have to do is seek it out.
Woggle Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Ya know, there's help with a problem like yours. All you have to do is seek it out. I don't have a problem and that is why i stopped going to therapy. It was pointless to pay money to somebody that probably makes fun of me after the session is over. The more I see the world the more I realize I have a better grip on reality than most people.
Trialbyfire Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 If you think about the pattern for cheaters, there's so much lying involved that when D-day arrives, there's trauma spread all around. I can't imagine how this would affect the children, I only know what happens to the betrayed spouse. There's a period of total debilitating pain and anger. With this in mind, the shockwaves must be felt by the children, no matter how strong a betrayed spouse might be. For the non-remorseful cheater, who leaves after D-day or is removed from the family unit, the spouse is left to shoulder the whole burden of the betrayal and buffering the family. It makes me ill thinking about how it must hurt and scar the children.
Frances Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I don't have a problem and that is why i stopped going to therapy. It was pointless to pay money to somebody that probably makes fun of me after the session is over. The more I see the world the more I realize I have a better grip on reality than most people. You do have a problem if you think all women think men are garbage. Some may think so, but some men think women are garbage, in other words some people think people are garbage regardless of gender. Most people on this site have problems with a SO but they do not tar everyone with the same brush.
Woggle Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I never said all but there is a definite trend in society.
mrmaximum Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 It definitely has a huge effect on the family. Which is why I have always promised myself that if I was that unhappy in my relationship I would leave before starting any kind of relationship with another man. But thats only because of my own experiences, I am not here to judge other people. Saw that crap first hand when my parents went through it. That is why I liken infidelity to a nuclear bomb going off in the house. It can destroy the family and the fallout gets on EVERYTHING!! It just isn't worth it. I too have resolved that very same thing. When you have a familty it is no longer just you, there are others to thing about and your actions have an affect on them too. I will never forget the look on my ex's daughter's face when she asked if I was leaving when I got my things from her house for the last time. I wasn't going to accept her mother's bull anymore and the situation points toward cheating. This is what I mean, it affects EVERYONE!! Is you family worth a little strange on the side? Is it?
mrmaximum Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 If you think about the pattern for cheaters, there's so much lying involved that when D-day arrives, there's trauma spread all around. I can't imagine how this would affect the children, I only know what happens to the betrayed spouse. There's a period of total debilitating pain and anger. With this in mind, the shockwaves must be felt by the children, no matter how strong a betrayed spouse might be. For the non-remorseful cheater, who leaves after D-day or is removed from the family unit, the spouse is left to shoulder the whole burden of the betrayal and buffering the family. It makes me ill thinking about how it must hurt and scar the children. You see one of your parents in pain and you wonder why, if you aren't old enough to know what's going on. Then you find out what the deal is and you never really look at that parent the same again. Then there is the seperate living arrangements for a while and the question to the parent who still has the house; "Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?" Then you get older and cheating becomes something of a powder keg for you. If someone mentions it you go off on a tangent about it's evils and how it affects you and everyone you know. Then you get older still and you realize that you may have some unresloved issues because of something that happned to you when you where 8 years old. not saying that this is the norm, but this is my reality. Just recently realized that I may have some issues with my dad's infidelity years ago. This is what I mean, it isn't just you and I DON"T care what the reason is, there is NO excuse to not close one window before you open another one. That's it.
Trialbyfire Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 You see one of your parents in pain and you wonder why, if you aren't old enough to know what's going on. Then you find out what the deal is and you never really look at that parent the same again. Then there is the seperate living arrangements for a while and the question to the parent who still has the house; "Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?" Then you get older and cheating becomes something of a powder keg for you. If someone mentions it you go off on a tangent about it's evils and how it affects you and everyone you know. Then you get older still and you realize that you may have some unresloved issues because of something that happned to you when you where 8 years old. not saying that this is the norm, but this is my reality. Just recently realized that I may have some issues with my dad's infidelity years ago. This is what I mean, it isn't just you and I DON"T care what the reason is, there is NO excuse to not close one window before you open another one. That's it. I'm sorry to hear about this.
FireandIce Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 The OW/OM understand it...they just don't care and try to convince everyone that its not their responsibility since it is not their children. ITA with that and those men and women disgust me.
Trialbyfire Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 The balance of the ripple effect of a cheater which I believe hasn't been addressed in this thread (if so, forgive me for repetition) is the impact to the extended family unit. The exes family and mine were very close previous to this occurring. We ended up becoming one family unit. That it's now ripped apart and not because they hate each other, is sad to see. My in-laws are wonderful people and I miss them a lot. They still love their son but cannot believe what he has become. Considering how they raised him to a core foundation of love, honour and integrity, continues to hurt them to no end.
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