chryssy83 Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 So....after 5 years of dating, and 3 years living apart, I am moving back home (where he lives) in a couple months. I'm SO excited--we've looked forward to this for so long!! BUT, I'm also scared. Has anyone done this before? Does anyone have advice. Here are some of the concerns I have: --Expectations, generally. Since we've talked for years about how it's going to be so great, are we just all set up for a letdown? --Time commitments. Now when we don't see each other, we don't see each other. But when we are in the same town, we are together 24/7. Obviously that won't work when we live in the same place because it's not healthy. But how much time SHOULD we spend together? How do we avoid hurt feelings when one or both of us needs time apart? How do we force ourselves to take it slow in the beginning to make sure we don't overwhelm each other? --Living arrangements. He wanted to live together, I said no. I lived with him during school breaks over the last few years, but I just feel like I need my own space and we shouldn't live together without being married. But how do we decide where to hang out/sleep if we sleep with each other sometimes? When we both lived there, we were at his place all the time because he had a nice house alone and I had university housing with roommates. But I don't want him to be offended by the fact that when I get an apartment I want to BE there sometimes. To get stuff done, but also to enjoy my place! It costs a lot to have a nice place, and if I'm never there, what's the point of paying rent? --Friends. Now we have separate friends. I don't like one of the friends he has at home, and obviously I'm leaving most of my friends here. Where do we find new friends? I don't think I should be too close with people from my work because a) they are mostly men and sometimes he gets jealous and b) the young people there are very clique-y and I think it's best to avoid that part of office politics. So where do we meet people together? I tend to say church and he says we should join a sports league (I'm SOOOO not an athletic person!!). --Food/Going Out. Now when we are together we go out to eat and stuff ALL THE TIME. When I move back we can't do that--bad for the budget and the figure. Thing is, he does that anyway when we aren't together and it's going to be a huge adjustment for him to change that. I just can't go out all the time, though! I'm sure there are other things, but I will stop now. Does anyone have advice/thoughts/personal experiences to share??
catrocks Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Yay!!! How exciting that you won't have to do LD anymore!!! I can't wait, only 4 more months for me I haven't had any experiences personally that I can tell you about. I think living apart sounds like a good idea, that way you can make the transition slowly and not feel rushed into anything. I'm not sure how you decide where you spend each night and who goes where though, sorry I'm no good! As far as eating out goes, maybe you could just find some easy and quick recipes that you could cook together. I couldn't go out to eat every night either, it's just too much. When I'm staying with my fiancé we tend to limit eating out to once a week, and then through the week cook easy things like pasta, or make salads. There are sooooooooooo many things, you just have to find a way to get him interested (and make sure you don't have to do the cooking all the time!!!). I don't think there is any answer on how much time you should spend together. It's different for each couple. But one or two nights a week you could spend some time with your own friends, and then when you see him the next night you'll have some new things to tell each other. I really don't have many answers for you, hopefully someone else will though! I'd be interested to see what people say since I will be going through the same thing in a few months (although in our case we will be married and living together and I won't know ANYONE besides him and his family, so would be interested to know others' suggestions on where to meet people besides work!). Good luck and yay!!! that you are finally going to be with him xx
Author chryssy83 Posted May 31, 2007 Author Posted May 31, 2007 Update: He got a job in another town and he's moving. Again. So I am going to where he is NOW, but he won't be there anymore. The distance will only be a third of what it was, but it's still distance. Does anyone have any thoughts? Now we've eliminated that "light at the end of the tunnel" and I don't know whether 1 hour will cause problems in the relationship or not be a big deal.... UGH....
BohemeRose Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 A one hour difference now, you say? That's nothing, really. You can see each other every weekend, or even more if you so desire. I drive an hour to school and an hour back twice a week. You can manage an hour drive to see your b/f! That is, if I'm reading your update correctly. Anyway, all that other stuff, about how much to hang out, etc...that will come naturally to you two. No set amount of time is right for every couple. I'm in an LDR so I don't see my boyfriend a whole lot, but I have one friend who lives with her b/f and they spend almost every waking moment together, and I have another friend who prefers to see her boyfriend maybe 3 times a week, and they live close by to one another. You'll figure it out when you get there!
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