amaysngrace Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I don't think you have to "handle" her at all. I think she's gonna dominate your ass.
crazy_grl Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Geez. Talk about jumping to conclusions. It seems like some people either didn't read the whole first post or took the title so personally that they read what they wanted to read. IJ, you need to really ask yourself why this is a problem for you. I do agree somewhat with the person who said it seems like you're looking for reinforcement that it's ok to date a "bigger" girl. You met a beautiful girl who's got a great personality and you had fun. Where's the problem in that? So she's not physically your normal type? Why is that a problem? Super-attractive, athletic, buff, blond, blue-eyed guys aren't my type, because I've found they tend to have the intelligence and personality of cardboard. But if I met a guy who looked like that and turned out to be a great guy, I wouldn't have an issue because "he isn't my type". Maybe I'm wrong, but it doesn't seem like her not being your type is the issue. (If that is the real problem, smack yourself for being obtuse and get over it. ) Is the problem that you're worried about what people will think when they see you with her? That you'll never really appreciate her because you see her as "a big woman"? Is it something else? Most importantly, is it something you can get past? You can only answer that last question once you know what your problem with it is. Be honest with yourself about this. If you don't know for sure within a couple dates that you can deal with it, then don't continue seeing her. And don't just keep seeing her because you think people will see you as shallow otherwise. If you do, it'll be worse for both of you.
amaysngrace Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Maybe I'm wrong but I thought his initial post was how was he going to be with her sexually if he's use to being with smaller women. Jerry said you should ride her like a surfer riding on a tidal wave.
crazy_grl Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 Maybe I'm wrong but I thought his initial post was how was he going to be with her sexually if he's use to being with smaller women. hehe. I didn't get that at all. But I guess these questions could be taken different ways: 1) how do i make this count, even if i am not used to this sort of thing. 2) How do i handle all this, so that i can eliminate everything that is uncomfortable about the height problem, and the weight problem. All depends on where your mind is. IJ, what did you mean?
Sheba Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 I am sorry to say that I do see the original poster as struggling with the idea of dating this woman because of her size. He describes it as a height "problem" and a weight "problem". Clearly he would like to get past seeing these matters as "problems" but does not know how. I doubt that his question is about the mechanics of sex. I have an ugly suspicion that the real fear is that other men who see him with this woman will think less of him. Probably some of them WILL think less of him - I am one of those who believe that men, on average, are far more visually oriented than women. If you care a great deal about such superficial things as how other men or your buddies feel about your girlfriend's appearance - well, PLEASE don't date this woman. If, on the other hand, Internet Junkie is really interested in dating this woman - who sounds quite wonderful - and wondering if he will be called upon by the woman herself to comment on her size and asking how to handle that, perhaps are some things he should know. First of all, Internet Junkie, don't ever tell her that she is "not your usual type". It would take a confident person to hear that without impact and I doubt a woman her size has survived in this culture without some assaults to her self esteem. Please don't make any comparisons between her and other women you have dated or admire, unless those comparisons are unequivocally positive: you are the smartest, you are the kindest, you are the most beautiful. Do not tell her she has a "pretty face". Women of "a certain size" hear that all the time and hear in their minds the unspoken part "too bad about your body". Just say "you are pretty". If she asks you if you are bothered by the size difference or her height or any similarly charged issue, please don't say "well, I wouldn't be with you if I was, would I?". As a general rule men shouldn't respond this way to any question asked of them by their women and yet all of them do and few seem to understand why it is such a bad answer. I could go on --- is any of this useful?
Wedded25 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 I am sorry to say that I do see the original poster as struggling with the idea of dating this woman because of her size. He describes it as a height "problem" and a weight "problem". Clearly he would like to get past seeing these matters as "problems" but does not know how. I doubt that his question is about the mechanics of sex. I have an ugly suspicion that the real fear is that other men who see him with this woman will think less of him. What Sheba said. If this is the case, then to put it simply, IJ, these other men aren't going to be the ones waking up next to your choice of mate wondering if they've made a mistake in placing social "beauty" conventions over love ... you are. Take it from one happily married for just shy of 25 years now: It's the couples who can be comfortable with each other at three in the morning when all the trappings and "trade dress" are off, and who don't freak out over the numbers on the scale (or the tape measure), who've found true "keepers" in each other.
ross37 Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 i'm dating a girl who is taller than me right now and we dont have any issues with it. People will judge and say what they want to say, but its really not a big deal. I'm 5'8 and shes 5'10...so its not really a big deal
pricillia Posted May 12, 2007 Posted May 12, 2007 Stop being so shallow? Either she is great dating material for you or she isn't. If it is going to bother you THAT much, she would probably rather you let her go now so she can find someone who will appreciate her just as she is. There is more to life than a size 8 ass. Ass size can change. Intelligence, beauty and humour are alot harder to cultivate. Thats right SB129 whip him into shape... you are totally right here! IJ should continue getting to know this woman... by the sounds of it he likes her... but focus on the good things not the things you want to change.
HokeyReligions Posted May 13, 2007 Posted May 13, 2007 This may have already been answered, if so I apologize for the repeat. Ask yourself why it bothers you? Is it because of what others may say or think if they see you together? You don't have to tell us, but be honest with YOURSELF. If a friend or family member makes a wisecrack about her size to you - how would you defend her? Would you feel you should defend her? Have you looked at other couples and thought something like "wow, how did she ever get a great looking guy like that?" or "How did he ever get a great looking girl like that?" Do you judge yourself based on who you are with? Do you think others will judge you differently being with someone taller/larger than you? There is nothing abnormal abut thinking and feeling that way. I once dated a guy for 9 months strictly because I could wear my tallest heels and he was still taller than me (he was 6' 6.5" - I still remember that, I also remember he was a real creep!) I also dated two guys that were a lot shorter than me. It bothered me a bit because I didn't feel as protected by them. Silly and feminine though that may be - it was how I felt at the time. My husband and I are about the same height, although if I wear anything with a heel I am taller than him and it doesn't bother me at all. My sister married a man who was a foot shorter than her, and built very small. It didn't bother them because they fell in love. Go out with her a few more times and see if you don't naturally get past the uncomfortable feelings. If you don't then it just isn't meant to be - don't beat yourself up over it. If it works out it is because you two are compatible in other ways that will be more important to you.
Shizz Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 Try and focus less on her dettractives and more on her attractives. I've known some very beautiful larger girls, they we're naturally larger, and it fit their body types. So I was cool with it. Therefore try and find something that you really like about her, and fixate on that. Personality is often a good thing. lol. I was at this dance once, and there was this blonde, boudicea. At least a head taller than any of the other girls, (short, petites.) and big boned. My lord, she was beautiful, and form me possibly the most attractive girl in the entire bunch.
JCD Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 I've learned that there are two things that make relationships possible. First is the physical attraction and second is her personality. If she has one but not the other then she just becomes your friend. My physical attraction lies in the girl's face. If she has an attractive face then I don't care about rest of her body. Some other guys probably care about breast size or hip size, etc. and that's ok. So if you attraction is a girl's body then I don't think you two will work out because if later you happen to find a girl with an attractive body, you will resent your present girlfriend. I think that when us guys first see a girl we know immediately if we are or aren't attracted to her. You saw her, didn't like how she looked and now you're questioning your judgement which is right all along. It's human nature so it's hard to go against it. My advice to you is to turn her down and don't settle for anyone that is not your type.
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