Wedded25 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 How do i handle all this ... However, i still want to see her. I know you all think i'm weird. Nothing weird about it at all. What's weird is the idea that only pencil-thinness in women is acceptable. How do you handle this? With lots of fun, pleasant practice! Keep going out with her and enjoy it! In my case, I got lucky and was able to do my "practicing" in college before I even went out dating. I'd read someplace that thinness only became the dominating standard at the turn of the 19th century into the 20th. The book cited the women in Peter Paul Rubens' (1577 - 1640) paintings as examples of large women portrayed as actual beauties, instead of as clownish freaks bereft of self-discipline. Had I not thus realized I was supposed to date women rather than sets of measurements, I'd never have dated or even met the stunningly lovely Mrs. W25, much less attained nearly 25 years of delightful marriage to her!
Star Gazer Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 You're a star. No, I am. I think the OP is asking about the physical logistics of "being with" a larger woman - i.e., where the body parts will be...
Teddy and Jane Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I think the OP is asking about the physical logistics of "being with" a larger woman - i.e., where the body parts will be... Only with a really obese woman would that be a problem. From what he's said, she's not even overweight.
directx Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Only with a really obese woman would that be a problem. From what he's said, she's not even overweight. Thats how i see it too. I'd kill to do Rita Cosby or Queen Latifah to name a few. The same time I would really short women too. Petite, whatever. I dont see the issue here. Its the womans personality that makes her attractive as corny as that sounds. But Id like to add she cant have any distracting physcial appearnaces that would take away from her natural beauty. (for example, you could put any personality in the world you want in Edith Bunker, it's NOT HAPPENING). But if you put a bitch in hot body, I'd might rather do Edith Bunker.
Mustang Sally Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 The only type of woman that is not that attractive are women that look like Justine Bateman and I dont think anyone can disagree with that. Ok, I warned you!!! *going to closet to get out leather corset and whip...*
Lezbean Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 I don't think you will ever overcome it. Date her and have a little fun but really.... no matter how beautiful she is or how great her personality is, she'll never be your ideal type of woman. Sorry, gotta disagree. I've always dated men that were very very tall...like 6'7", 6'8". I'm only 5'5". However, my honeypie is only 5'7" and he is the absolute love of my life. I will admit his height at first really bothered me (first date). But after going out with him more I realized he was the most wonderful person I have ever known. I do not even notice his height anymore. He is the love of my life and I would not change one thing about him. "Types" can change.
sb129 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 But after going out with him more I realized he was the most wonderful person I have ever known. I do not even notice his height anymore. He is the love of my life and I would not change one thing about him. . Aw. That how I feel about wonderboy.
Virgo1982 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 dating material definetly. She's beautiful, and has a great personality. So, there's already pluspoints, however i will be forever conscious of the things that bother me. how do i overcome it ? because it's going to be in my face the whole time. You could be that guy who ends up hurting her because you'll say something to hurt her feelings or cheat on her/dump her for someone you are more attracted to. Then, after that "relationship" fails, you'll kick yourself and wish you had never let the "beautiful/great personality" girl go. Why don't you just skip all of that and grow up? Nobody can tell you how to become physically attracted to someone. You allow your feelings to grow, or let them go. Good luck!
Sobri821 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Okay to me this is simple. If your attrackted to her, then check it out. I think you do like her and are only on here to get the thumbs up from other men that it is OK to date a Woman whom does not fit the "Normal" size. Also, have you ever thought that maybe she is somewhere posting on a message boared about possibly dating a man whom is smaller and shorter than her. I know society frown upon bigger girls, be when a woman and taller than her man, well thats almost in the same vain house. Just calm down and if you like her date her. If you cannot get over her hight and weight then you do what someone suggested ealier and put on your profile, "Thin women under 5'4 only Please!". I do have one questions, does your vain preferences include freinds too or just potential dates?
Author Internet Junkie Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 I think you may be too immature to be dating her. You are asking a board if you should go out with someone or not. That says a lot about your maturity level. You also go by the fake skinny Hollywood look, which is what you THINK you should be attracted to, so it bothers you when you're attracted to someone who is not. Look at the responses you got like "manhands", "bad date" etc. Those guys are the types who post on a board like this. Do you really want to seek advice from those kinds of people? I don't think you should go out with her. She can do better. You could be that guy who ends up hurting her because you'll say something to hurt her feelings or cheat on her/dump her for someone you are more attracted to. Then, after that "relationship" fails, you'll kick yourself and wish you had never let the "beautiful/great personality" girl go. Why don't you just skip all of that and grow up? Nobody can tell you how to become physically attracted to someone. You allow your feelings to grow, or let them go. Good luck! Why are you people attacking my maturity level ? I already indicated i will give it a go, but this is my first experience in this sort of "situation". All i want is just the pro's and con's of this, and what i can do to make it work. It's a new avenue i am embarking on. Btw, thanks to everyone so far. There's really been pretty good responses so far.
Virgo1982 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Why are you people attacking my maturity level ? I already indicated i will give it a go, but this is my first experience in this sort of "situation". All i want is just the pro's and con's of this, and what i can do to make it work. It's a new avenue i am embarking on. Btw, thanks to everyone so far. There's really been pretty good responses so far. I'm sorry for sounding bitchy, but I just feel uneasy about it because you might hurt her. What possible pros and cons are you thinking of?
Sobri821 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 OK... I refuse to respond or read these posts anymore. Dude... please just stick with skinny short girls. It is not a PROJECT or a SITUATION. LOVE and attraction is easy. YOU EITHER DO OR DON'T! You don't need people to give you advice on the propper procedure on liking, datind, or being with a woman of Big porportions. That is assinine. I feel bad for her, and I hope she find dating you just as perplexing. Good ridance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reckless Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 The thing is ideals change. Horizons widen. Let's say for the sake of argument you are attractived to skinny blonds (oh yeah you are, okay then its a good example)... don't know why, we all have our ideals - maybe your first baby sitter was a skinny blond or you had a 10th grade teacher you had a crush on that was petite and blond... whatever. Okay you meet a hefty red-head or a statuesque brunette. Things click, you spend more time together... before you know it, curvy red-heads start looking mighty fine. That's not to say you never notice any petite blonds but you have a curvy red-head and wouldn't exchange her, ask her to diet or dye her hair (anywhere). Your horizons have, without effort 'widened'. Now, chemistry attraction cannot be forced. Either you will eventually have heat or you will not. If you have 'heat', if you become attracted then you go for it. If you decide not to go for it because you never imagined yourself with someone of that physical 'type' then that's your choice (and some would say loss). You asked the guys how they 'handled' it, how they got over the difference.. I should think if it doesn't come naturally with time then its best to not try and 'handle' her or the situation. If you need to 'pep talk' to go out with someone don't. If it needles you that your lady is taller than you, only date smaller women. If you only want slim women, not a problem, only date them. If you meet 'beautiful' interesting, smart attractive women that however come in a bigger model do her and yourself a favour and stop before you develop any feelings for her. She'll live and won't need to be handled.
LN99 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 It's really just a matter of you liking her. If you like her like that, then her height/weight won't be an issue. You will see her for more then that. If you think it will be an issue, then don't pursue this relationship any further. This is not a matter of maturity necessarily. Its a matter of whether or not you find her attractive. You either do or you don't. Ok, so you claim you want to give it a go. Then just go with the flow. I am 5'9" and a bit overweight. I have dated several shorter guys and a few taller guys. One guy I dated (who was taller btw) made the mistake of making a comment once about my stomach. It hurt my feelings and then the relationship was pretty much ruined. He still regrets to this day even saying anything(he emails me occasinally to tell me), but once you put something like that out there, then its hard to take it back. So really be careful what you say and how you say it. If you do say something and then try to apologize, then it will be hard to gain her confidence in your attraction to her...back. I know I never did w/ that one particular guy because I always wondered if thats really what he saw when he looked at me. So be careful. If you don't think your gonna be able to handle this, then its best to put the brakes on the relationship early on.
sb129 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 OK... I refuse to respond or read these posts anymore. Dude... please just stick with skinny short girls. It is not a PROJECT or a SITUATION. LOVE and attraction is easy. YOU EITHER DO OR DON'T! You don't need people to give you advice on the propper procedure on liking, datind, or being with a woman of Big porportions. That is assinine. I feel bad for her, and I hope she find dating you just as perplexing. Good ridance!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoa- take it easy. You don't have to read the posts if you have such a problem with them, theres no need to get so hostile. This thread is a senstitive topic, and strikes a nerve with most women, so I can see why some people are getting a little hot under the collar. Lezbean and I have both admitted to loving people who initially weren't 100% "perfect" in our eyes, whats to say this guy can't do that with this girl? He isn't being nasty about her, so I doubt he would say anything to her face. If anything, he is trying to work it our BEFORE he leads her on and potentially hurts her so give him some credit guys.
Author Internet Junkie Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 OK... I refuse to respond or read these posts anymore. Dude... please just stick with skinny short girls. It is not a PROJECT or a SITUATION. LOVE and attraction is easy. YOU EITHER DO OR DON'T! You don't need people to give you advice on the propper procedure on liking, datind, or being with a woman of Big porportions. That is assinine. I feel bad for her, and I hope she find dating you just as perplexing. Good ridance!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are other people understanding, and not you. You obviously don't grasp what i'm saying.
Author Internet Junkie Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Whoa- take it easy. You don't have to read the posts if you have such a problem with them, theres no need to get so hostile. This thread is a senstitive topic, and strikes a nerve with most women, so I can see why some people are getting a little hot under the collar. Lezbean and I have both admitted to loving people who initially weren't 100% "perfect" in our eyes, whats to say this guy can't do that with this girl? He isn't being nasty about her, so I doubt he would say anything to her face. If anything, he is trying to work it our BEFORE he leads her on and potentially hurts her so give him some credit guys. Ah, you're beautiful ! That's exactly what i'm trying to do ! This is not a test on her, and she is not a test object. This is test on myself to see, if i can change my perception/thought or i will forever only look at and stick to my preferences.
Reckless Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Ah, you're beautiful ! That's exactly what i'm trying to do ! This is not a test on her, and she is not a test object. This is test on myself to see, if i can change my perception/thought or i will forever only look at and stick to my preferences. Then the answer, as MANY have pointed out is YES, you can change your perception/thought if you are someone open to change. If you are someone that values the position more than what you can get out of a situation the answer is "no,you will always stick to our preferences".
sb129 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Ah, you're beautiful ! That's exactly what i'm trying to do ! This is not a test on her, and she is not a test object. This is test on myself to see, if i can change my perception/thought or i will forever only look at and stick to my preferences. I am beautiful inside AND outside! Most women are super sensitive when it comes to their appearance. Even hot ones. In fact, some hot ones can be even more insecure than normal. I think that this girl sounds great, and if you CAN overcome it, she could end up to be fantastic girlfriend material. You will really have to watch what you say to her tho, cos as one of the other posters said, careless comments can hurt for a long time. If she is confident in her own skin, that is attractive in itself is it not? If she is, then thats great, cos she is unlikely to ask you for confirmation of her attractiveness, or ask you the dreaded question.... "do i look fat in this?"
hope1975 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 The fact that you are on here to get other guys opinions leads me to think that maybe it's not you that can't overcome the issue, but you're concerned about what other people will think when they see you with her. If this is the case, don't let what other people think bother you...if she makes you happy, that's all that matters. If you're confident when you're with her, other people will pick up on that & naturally accept her, and it won't be an issue. It'll only become an issue if you're focussing on it. Then everyone else will too. If she's smart & beautiful, go for it
Author Internet Junkie Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Thanks to everyone who has responded kindly. My perceptions on size might seem vain, however i'm not the only one with preferences. Some of you are ahead of me in this aspect, and it's great to learn from what you have to say.
escapehamster Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Geez...did it ever occur to you that maybe SHE felt the same way when she saw you? She's thinking....OMG...he's such a nice guy...but what a shortass... What if you are MR. Wonderful. How would you feel being assessed by her that way. Really..I've seen lots of tall woman / shorter man duos that were fabulous. What really counts is if you both can be confident with it. Don't mess this woman up - she is obviously confident with herself and deserves to be treated like gold. As far as you other people...aka "blind dates gone bad" etc... Why did it go bad? What the heck did you expect if you didn't specify your criteria..ie; I only like shorter thinner girls. I sorta want to call you a few names .... but I also want to say to give your head a shake and stop being so superficial. Maybe she'll be everything you dreamed of. If you know it's a "deal breaker" now, then let her down gently and make her feel great to be who she is. DON'T tell her that HER SIZE is why you can't see her - that would be crushing. ~ Le Hamster
Sobri821 Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 The fact that you are on here to get other guys opinions leads me to think that maybe it's not you that can't overcome the issue, but you're concerned about what other people will think when they see you with her. If this is the case, don't let what other people think bother you...if she makes you happy, that's all that matters. If you're confident when you're with her, other people will pick up on that & naturally accept her, and it won't be an issue. It'll only become an issue if you're focussing on it. Then everyone else will too. If she's smart & beautiful, go for it Sorry to come off as hostile. Obviously I am still reading... What you said is exactly how I feel. Junkie I feel, YOU should not need a support group to figure out if you can make it work with someone despite ANYTHING. You either do or don't. It comes off as though, InternetJunkie, you are using this message board as a focus group to see if total strangers (men especially) agree that it's ok to date her and are undastandable. Also the more I read your posts the more you claimed she is attracted and you wanted to date her. I wonder what you would say if we gave you negative reinforcement. Bottem line, no one really stick to their types. We all stray or lower our options, or just try something new one or another. If this is such a big problem DONT waste your time or hers. This topis isnt about her being big or tall. It's about you needinf the approval from others to validate to the world why you like a woman whom may not agree with you and your freinds view "sexy".
DanielMadr Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 "How to handle Big women"? With a crane? You clearly like her like as a friend not a woman. No matter why. And you want to know how to dump her without hurting her right? 1. You two are not even together so dont worry. 2. Just dont contact her and when she calls you flat out tell her you dont think it could work. 3. Start beahing very nice, call her 10 times a day and even in night....it will certainly freak her out. If not you are in deep trouble. 4. If she asks if she is fat dont answer...she could eat you.
Author Internet Junkie Posted May 11, 2007 Author Posted May 11, 2007 As far as you other people...aka "blind dates gone bad" etc... Why did it go bad? What the heck did you expect if you didn't specify your criteria..ie; I only like shorter thinner girls. I sorta want to call you a few names .... but I also want to say to give your head a shake and stop being so superficial. Maybe she'll be everything you dreamed of. If you know it's a "deal breaker" now, then let her down gently and make her feel great to be who she is. DON'T tell her that HER SIZE is why you can't see her - that would be crushing. ~ Le Hamster Thanks for your other comments, but i don't know what you are on about in the above. Somebody else said, "blind date gone bad". Actually it went great. And i'm seeing her again sunday. I just thought i'd ask those who had similiar experiences that i'm having right now. That's all. I haven't in one post been nasty with regards to her.
Recommended Posts