smwhtshy Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 I've been advocating NC in some of my responses on LS, and I think its really the best way to take care of yourself....not knowing whats going on, and not dealing with the EX's on any level, is a great healer. That said, I have a problem and a question for any of you all. The EX took up right away with someone else, a biking buddy whom I had suspected of being closer than just friends, but she denied. They started dating within a week after our breakup (we were together three years), I don't think there was "physical cheating", but I do believe that there was excitement, anticipation, and "emotional cheating" for sure. Things had been shaky with us for about six months, before she spent any time at all in this bike club. OK, now the problem. Mutual friends are having a housewarming party. I got an Evite, an online thing, that lets you see everyone who is invited, and their response. I know my EX was invited. I am sure I do not want to go, the thought of seeing them together makes my stomach do that roller coaster thing as I'm typing this. But, I have to respond. Maybe if I opened it, I might see something helpful? Like the EX RSVP'ing as "one" coming to the party (instead of two)? Or, I could see her saying she can't make it, because she and her new BF are going to be out of town or something. Eesshhh..that would kill me. If I DON'T open it, I will be plaqued by curiousity and wonder if there was something there I am supposed to see to help me heal...like the universe or God or something, trying to send me a message. This is why NC is go good, because it doesn't necessarily have to be contact from the SO, it's ANY contact that involves the ex, any stories or news, etc. that is a killer. And I have been having some really good days lately, actually didn't cry for a while. Last option, I could find a friend to open the invite in my Email box, and type a short "have fun, but I can't make it" note (as me), send it, and then delete the invite.. Any ideas..? What do you all think??
bchlvr Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 smw- I can relate to your post. It is not only running into my ex that raises my blood pressure, it's hearing news, seeing mutual friends, even getting emails from the club we both used to belong to. These things are still upsetting. You have a hunch that if you hear about her and what she's up to it will be very upsetting. Don't do anything that would potentially create more pain for you if you don't have to. I think your idea of having a friend respond for you is great! But don't ask that person for information. Just let it go.
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