Sun_Conure Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 I have a question about dating. I really like a guy and do not know how to proceed. Here is my story: I have met a guy several weeks ago. After the second date he tried to kiss me and I kind of turned away. Next time we met, he asked when it would be ok to kiss me (like after what date). I told him that I need more time to decide if I really like a guy before agreeing to anything physical. He continued to ask me out. And he always pays for dinners and stuff, although I do offer to pay sometimes. From the very beginning I told him that I was playing the field and continued to see other guys too. He also continued to ask girls out. Well, recently he tried to kiss me again. I got kind of scared and again turned away. Afterwards we talked about this, he asked if I was not attracted to him. I said that this was not the reason, the reason was that I was afraid I was not a good kisser. This is partially true The real reason is that I am terrified. I really like him and want to try a relationship with him but also I am very afraid to commit to anyone. Although, I am working on that, it still is hard for me to allow more intimacy between us. I know we are not exclusive. We meet usually one or two times a week. Go out for a dinner and a movie or a play or hiking, etc. It's fun to hang out with him! But now I am worried that this thing will never develop into something more. What should I do? Is there anything I could do? Or should I just wait and see what he is doing?
Krytellan Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Well, first thing: take a breath and relax. Better? Good. Now, do not rush anything. You are under no obligation to make this exclusive. And I think the fact that you are unsure means that you do nothing. When it starts bugging you that you're not exclusive, or when you start wondering what he is up to when he's not with you, that's when you'll know that it's time to move on it. Until then, just let it flow. I think we get ourselves into trouble when we don't let relationships that are meant to naturally dissolve do just that. Not everything has to "work".
pelagicsands Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 , the reason was that I was afraid I was not a good kisser. I doubt he would care. Practice makes perfect.
Author Sun_Conure Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 Do you think this relationship is "meant to naturally dissolve"?
Star Gazer Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 I hope this doesn't come across as mean, but I think it's going to be very difficult to get a guy to commit to dating you exclusively when you haven't even kissed him yet. That said, I agree with K to the extent that because you're unsure you shouldn't do anything. If you want to kiss him, KISS HIM. If you want to be exclusive with him, you should TALK to him about becoming exclusive. Until you do one of these two things, you're going to remain in this stagnant state, rapidly approaching "just friends."
Kamille Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Wow and I thought I was doing good on the not too much fooling around part!!! I think you should try to worry less and focus more on letting things happen, following his lead and yes, perhaps even initiating a kiss on your next date. Worried about not being a good kisser? For one, if he is into you you would have to be a very baaad kisser for a kiss to be a deal breaker. And like Pelagic pointed out, as with everything, practice makes perfect. Discovering how someone kisses is half the fun of the first kisses. Wait no, it's all the fun of the first kisses. And I think what Krytellan is saying is that you should relax and let whatever is meant to be happen between the two of you. Who knows, maybe it will dissolve all on its own (whether you worry or not) or maybe it is the beginning of a long romance.
Author Sun_Conure Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 Thanks everyone. I do think that it would be better to start kissing soon. We have spent enough time together so I could tell that I am kind of interested in him so far. And yeah, I am attracted to him. The thing is I am used to really pushy guys. With them I have to resist a lot, otherwise I would do something I am not comfortable doing yet. In contrast, this guy actually listens to what I say and respects my wishes. Also I suppose he is not used to rejection Oh, well, I am taking it slow anyway. It takes two months for me to decide if I actually like to spend time with a guy. Oftentimes they become really boring and it's not fun anymore, also I could see their true colors. I guess people cannot act on their best behavior for such a long time But is it normal for a guy to act this way? What is a healthy dating behavior? On one hand, I think he is interested in me. He keeps asking me out, pays for everything (I do suggest to pay too), and he is very consistent with what he tells me. On the other hand, he rarely tries to initiate kisses or physical stuff. He sometimes plays with my hair and touches my hand. Is that how a healthy dating should be? I am so messed up
208PUA Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 I'm gonna let you in on a guy secret Sun_Conure. When a girl continually refuses to kiss us, we lose interest because it seems your not interested. Anymore kissing is not that big of a deal, so if a girl wont kiss us after as many dates as you and your fellow have been on, we start thinking you just in it for the free food and drinks. Which frankly pisses us off. Now if you still don't feel comfortable kissing that much, at least tell the guy early on. On the other hand, he rarely tries to initiate kisses or physical stuff. I would say this is because he's interested, but is being cautious cause you had made it clear several times before that you didn't want to kiss. I would tell him why your REALLY apprehensive to kiss him, cause frankly he's not buying the "not a good kisser" excuse. And eventually he will give up on you unless you show some him some affection.
Author Sun_Conure Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 Yeah, I know. There is another thing that bothers me. I go out once or twice a week. It does not look good for me. Should I be worried about this?
Poboy Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 kiss him on the next date for kissing god's sake BUT if you dont feel like doing it , dont date him more and tell him you have this issue... it hurts to be kept hopeful and nothing coming at the end of it.
208PUA Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Yeah, I know. There is another thing that bothers me. I go out once or twice a week. It does not look good for me. Should I be worried about this? What do you mean, like you're worried about what people think about you going out all the time? I would say its nothing to worry about, you just have an active social life, its a good thing actually. It's not like your going about and hooking up with random guys every night. Your just going out. I say have fun and enjoy it.
Author Sun_Conure Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 Yeah, I know. There is another thing that bothers me. I go out once or twice a week. It does not look good for me. Should I be worried about this? I meant he asks me out once or twice a week. I go out more often then that.
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