surfnbro74 Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Well just want to know if its appropiate to send at least a text message to a stbxw a "happy mothers day". Or just leave it alone? Thanks surfer
hurting_in_nw Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Heh, been grappling with this one myself... How old is/are your kid(s)? If they're old enough, I'd say you should put it on them to make something for their mother. I know in years past, I would always buy the card, add the sentiment, then sign it and have the kids sign it. I won't be doing that this year. I am going to ask my son's daycare provider if she will be having them make Mother's Day cards this year. If so, I will leave it at that. Otherwise I will buy a card and have him write something on it.
Author surfnbro74 Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 my daughter is 3, so im still tossing this question in my head on what should i do since shes not old enough? im not sure but as for right now i guess im planning not to text her anything.
quiet1one1 Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 I may be a hard a$$ on this but....she's not your mother! IMHO, make sure your kids - if they're younger - duly recognize her...from them, not you. If your kids are teens and up, they're on their own.
PWSX3 Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Mothers Day is for the kids not you unless you are trying to get back with the stbx. Your daughter is young but it would still be nice that she sends her something so just buy the card and leave the rest up to your daughter. It doesn't matter what she puts in it, but have her draw a picture or do something that shows it did come from her not you. If you buy a card she will realize that you had to buy it but I feel if the inside looks like it came from your daughter she will take it that way. I think another good idea might be have your child make a card. Like I said above it doesn't have to be fancy her mother will know it came from the heart of the child and it would be time you & your daughter can spend time together...... I feel a text isn't personal enough, & since your daughter is only 3 she can't type what she wants.
quankanne Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 do you WANT to wish her a happy mothers day because of the joy she's given you when she gave you your daughter? That might be a nice enough reason to acknowlege the holiday if you're not able to help your daughter to send a card. Because no matter what happens between the two of you, the irrefutable fact is that you and her created a kid you both love, and in my book that's encouragement enough for acknowleging mother's day. besides, it might help smooth the way to raising your daughter together even though you're apart ...
Trimmer Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 I'm with quankanne - the character that is your wife is on the way out, but your kid's mother is someone that you will continue to have a parental relationship with. If you can separate those characters in your head - accept that the wife is gone, but also commit to having a productive and supportive relationship with the mother of your child - then there's nothing wrong with being gracious and kind and recognizing Mother's Day in the spirit quankanne describes. As a happy medium, do whatever you can to facilitate your daughter giving her a card or a small gift or whatever - of course it will be obvious that you were involved. In the long run this does several good things (a) it will teach your daughter that the family appreciates the mother, (b) it fosters a supportive environment for your daughter, in that you are not being a bvtth0le in things related to her mother, and © it sends a similar message to her mother, that you are gracious and supportive of her role as a parent. Unless there are other wierd pathologies between you, this is all good for your daughter.
Missy27 Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 I'm with Trimmer and Qankanne. I dont think sending a text is necessarily a good idea. But either making a card WITH your daughter or buying one for her to sign or you to sign on her behalf is not something that seems abnormal to me. Like the others said, your STBX is and always will be the mother of your child. This is a standing fact and will remain so until the day you die. You created something together and that something is the reason why you should be able to rise above any of the pettiness and arguing and do the do the right thing by your daughter. Whoever you may end up with in the future is always going to have to accept your STBX as a part of your life and even if you have children with somebody else in the future, your STBX will still remain the mother of your 1ST born child.
Gunny376 Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Bull Hockey! ITS OVER! That's the reason its called "breaking up" If the child is too young to do it themselves ~ the sentiment is lost anyway ~ you don't really think she's going to take the time, effort, energy, money come Father's day do you?
sumdude Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Bull Hockey! ITS OVER! That's the reason its called "breaking up" If the child is too young to do it themselves ~ the sentiment is lost anyway ~ you don't really think she's going to take the time, effort, energy, money come Father's day do you? Gunny, somehow I picture you as a younger and bigger Colonel Potter from MASH.
quankanne Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 don't be such a grumpy-pants, Gunny! Wife or ex-wife, she's still mother to his kid(s), and it's never over-rated to do kind things for others. Who knows? That one small gesture might help smooth over some future otherwise rough patch in communications.
annabelle75 Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Bull Hockey! ITS OVER! That's the reason its called "breaking up" If the child is too young to do it themselves ~ the sentiment is lost anyway ~ you don't really think she's going to take the time, effort, energy, money come Father's day do you? The marriage is over, not the partnership of being parents. If he wants to acknowledge the mother of his child I think he should go ahead and do it. My ex-husband doesn't give me gifts or cards for Mother's Day (he didn't when we were married either), but that doesn't stop me from taking our daughter out for Father's day and his birthday each year to buy presents for him. He was a crappy husband but he is a good father and I like to acknowledge that. I think its a good message that I am giving to my daughter about honoring her father and respecting him. It really just depends on the individual situation and the motivation behind acknowledging the other parent.
quankanne Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 he is a good father and I like to acknowledge that. exactly! You're also showing your child support for his or her love of Daddy, and when you've got a little one involved, that's way more important than what goes on between you and the ex ...
LakesideDream Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 The first couple of "Yo Mamma's Days" after the divorce (25 year marriage) I sent the ex a real nice Hallmark card, thinking after all, she's the mother of my adult children. The need to do so fades, so I stopped it after year two. The important thing in my opionion is to do what YOU think is correct/needed. If it makes you happy to send a card, send it. IF not don't bother, it's not your job to make her happy.
Author surfnbro74 Posted May 10, 2007 Author Posted May 10, 2007 Thanks everyone for the great advices. Due to the child we still speak with each other normally (civilized). The conversation is about the baby and nothing more. I guess I will prob. do what yall say and buy her a card and have my baby scribble on it. Yes, Im still a little hurt about the seperation but Im a lot better at accepting it now, so I guess it wont hurt me or put me back one step. Thank you, surfer
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