the_pope Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 I just broke up from a short term relationship. It was just a few months. However, I'm finding it hard. Although I know what went wrong, and I wasn't blind to it, in fact I saw the red flags on the first date, I've still got a lot of sorrow, sadness and depression inside me. I broke it off a week ago for several reasons. She just wasn't ready and there was another guy who admired her. A friend for years. His presence really got to me as she was starting to sacrifice our time together and leave texts and things unanswered while she was with him (although she said they were together in the same way a friend would visit a friend). A few weeks ago he turned up declaring that he was in love with her and had been for a while. It was from then I noticed a bit of a change in her. She seemed to feel sorry for him, so hung out with him a bit more etc... I just accepted it. I wasn't going to show jealousy or anything. Although she knew I didn't like it. Anyway, there are more reasons, but that was the main one for me. What I want to know is, has anybody else here had a short term relationship, say, 3 months for example, and found it particulary hard to get over and very hard to end? I just feel that I'm finding it a bit harder than I should.
sb129 Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Oh yes. Six years ago, I had just graduated and been working for a year, I fell VERY hard for a doctor I worked with. We were together for less than three months and it took me well over a year to get over it. In fact, the hurt had lasting repercussions due to my loss of self esteem etc following said breakup... the shockwaves only receded a year ago. That said, its been a good case of live and learn.
Author the_pope Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 Oh yes. Six years ago, I had just graduated and been working for a year, I fell VERY hard for a doctor I worked with. We were together for less than three months and it took me well over a year to get over it. In fact, the hurt had lasting repercussions due to my loss of self esteem etc following said breakup... the shockwaves only receded a year ago. That said, its been a good case of live and learn. Thank you for your reply. If you wouldn't mind, please can you talk about it? I'm interested to know how you felt about him, who broke it off, why it broke off, did you ever feel less for him while you were with him but then realise you did like him? etc.... I'd love to know about this one, if you wouldn't mind, thank you.
sb129 Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 He broke it off. We are still friends. he has been thru a few women who have all fallen for him big time, and been gutted when he breaks up with them! I now know why- he breaks up with girls cos he wants to let them down without stringing them along, and he has never felt "right" with anyone after three months. I think he had his heart broken pretty badly in the past and thats why. I had some pretty fanciful ideas in my head to the tune of he was my knight in shining armour who was going to whisk me off into the sunset. He is Irish, which was very exotic to me at the time. I got it into my head that a doctor would be the ideal man for me. I was SOOO immature!!!! I am actually laughing at myself now, which I am sure is a good sign. I was so into the IDEA of him I think..... I was devastated when my little bubble burst. i am much more of a realist now.... grown up a bit you see.
sb129 Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 When I was younger, every guy I even kissed was sized up as potential husband material. I was such a romantic idiot, I totally overlooked the fact you have to love yourself and love someone for who they are for a R to be successful!!! And bar one, they were generally idiots. i let one lovely one get away cos he wasn't "cool" enough. I think he is happily making millions now... with his lovely girlfriend. The amount of different surnames I have practised signing!!! My BF would run screaming if he knew.......thankfully I think he is the one. I know now how to spot them... took 29 years!
New Hope Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 To be honest, u shouldnt have been hook like that just in 3 months, but **** happens...just vanish and go into NO Contact..u'll heal fast,,,
memorex1970 Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 You had more than enough reasons to break it off by the sound of things...she shouldve thought of your feelings but clearly chose to spend time with this guy. Im wondering how often you saw her ect? The reason your finding it hard to deal with is because it ended when all the feelings and love were developing only for it to come to an abrupt end. If you saw red flags on the first date then you shouldve seen sense then,not an easy thing to do but you wouldve saved yourself some hurt. Three months is a very short time,12 weeks infact...dont bother yourself too much over someone who clearly wasnt right for you. Good luck
Nadine126 Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Hi the_pope, I am am just out of a 6 month relationship (though one month he was away on holidays) and it is by FAR the worst breakup I've ever had. I ended things with a 4 year guy and was dumped by a 3 year guy, but I got over them relatively quickly (a month or two), while it's been one month with the 6-month guy and I am still as devastated today as I was a month ago. I think part of the hurt is that I feel like it wasn't given a chance and I feel betrayed. The long term guys didn't make promises they didn't keep, but the 6-month one promised me marriage, kids, etc... and after a few months, I let myself trust him and started to really look forward to that future. When he suddenly decided it was over, I didn't really get how a relationship could "run its course" so quickly. Anyway, I feel guilty for how terrible I feel over such a short relationship, and I think people in my life are getting frustrated with me talking about it (they are all of the opinion that he was a jerk - even before the breakup - and that I shouldn't be upset) that's why I started posting here. I too wish I could understand why this relationship ending has completely devasted me in a way that it has, especially because my head knows that he was emotionally closed, stubborn and in many ways immature. For some reason, my heart just can't grasp it though and I keep thinking about all the wonderful, happy memories, which is just driving me crazy.
Guest Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Hi Pope, I was in a similar situation as well. I started dating a girl in late January, early February. When I met her, I thought, she was different than most I've met in the past. She had similar values to me, we had a lot in common, we always had a great time together (the list goes on). As with any new relationship, I kept things in perspective but, of course, my feelings began to grow for her. Initially, she seemed very interested in me. She would always hold my hand, put her hand in my lap if we were sitting together etc...Eventually, she started to get "wishy washy". I began to wonder what was happening. One day, I finally asked her if she was O.K. she advised me that she always hits a certain point in relationships where she "hits a brick wall". She asked that I be patient with her, which I did. Thinsg were a bit better and then, eventually, she started with the hot and cold stuff again. we spoke again however, she had a difficult time conveying her feelinsg to me (She's been divorced for 2 years now and has a 5 y.o. son). A couple more weeks went by and she was acting the same way again. I told her, I was having adifficult time understanding where she was coming from and what was going on. Although, she would always be affectionate with me, she was never able to tell me how she felt (she told me her friends loved me). I finally told her, I was going to take a step back and leave her alone. I told her, I didn't want to be in a one-sided relationship. I felt that after almost 4 months, she should be able to display and speak some of her feelings. It's only been a couple of weeks but, I think about her often and wish things would have worked out. She's sent me a couple of emails (to ask what I've been doing). I think she may be second guessing herself or she just doesn't want to be on her own. I don't know. I basically, replied to her emails but didn't show any emotion in them. I could easily step back into it but, I don't want to have any regrets. I should note, since 9/06, she's dated 5 guys including me. Same scenario each time (that should've been my first clue to stay away). I hope all goes well for you and everybody else on this thread.
Recommended Posts