randuff Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 I am only on day 2 of NC. Everything in my head says don't call, don't text and I won't but I think about her all day. It seems everywhere I go everything I see or hear reminds me of her. This is very difficult for me and I know we weren't meant for each other so why so much agonizing? My original post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t118795/ I am a single father of a 7 yr old boy and my mother lives with me and has since my ex-wife and I divorced to help me with my child. This is a lot for someone to endure and I understand this. I am 33 my ex fiance is 22 and were together for 4 years so I know the age difference is probably HUGE here. She hasn't really had the chance to enjoy life and find her true self. She has been in 3 seperate relationships non-stop since she was 13 so no time for herself. I assume that was the root cause of her cheating and finally deciding it was time to leave me. I know that it is not going to work so why the heartache, all the frustration? Is it because I want what I cannot have? Two years into our relationship she wanted to marry badly and I said lets wait to make sure we are both ready (I was but I wanted to make sure she was) Now that 2 more years have passed and she doesn't I am pissed off for missing my opportunity. Why?? So I could have been miserable down the road. Why does the heart work like this? Everything points to this NOT working out but I still want it to? Why am I acting stupid? I just need to move on but with me being in the car business and being a single dad I really don't have time to go out. I should spend the my time with my son but that still doesn't fill the void I have in my life for intimacy. The silly thing here is she cheated on me, we were on different paths and I should just get over it but I still make excuses for HER and try to find reasons and ways to make this work. One of the last things she said to me when we had our "closure talk" was please don't think of the bad things I did to you, remember the good times we had. UGH I feel so sh**ty right now.
cecil brown Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Randall, Sorry to hear you are having it rough. You are right about keeping up the NC. I broke NC again yesterday and today and nothing good has become of it. She just doesn't want to be with me, so I need to learn to quit punishing myself by contacting her. It sucks but what can we do? Like you told me yesterday, keep your head up. We are going to have our good days and bad days and have to work through them.
Aquarius Guy Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Making it Work: I have found some refreshing approches in Love and respect.com. The forumla is to avoid criticism, or disempowering comments. and to try to build COUPLE. Closeness, Openness, understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, and Esteem. There, I did that from memory. Certainly infidelity ia a hurdle to overcome. But women can hurt you in a variety of ways. Women sometimes deliberately test you to see how strong your love is for them, by being deliberately discouraging to you. How you handle their discouraging actions is a challenge I am working on. I could work on my poaitive coaching skills, and better defining how what I want fits into my woman's motivational structure. Blessings .
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