Wife is saying things that never happened to us...

[somequestionsplz]

Hello Everyone,

 

Please allow me to skip the formalities and long introductions so I can get to the point.

 

I am new to these boards, but I have read enough posts already to see how much people really care here. Great advice / suggestions all-around, and I find this very comforting! If I may begin...

 

Don't know if you need to know anything about me, but I am an average guy who works from home with his own business. I love my wife very much and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. We spend a lot of time together and we plan trips / dates whenever we can

 

We've known each other for quite sometime but only have been married for about a year or so.

 

The reason I am seeking the experience and advice from the good people here is because of how my wife has been acting lately. She seems to be recalling events (which she claims involves us) but I know for certain we never did any of those things together. I am very good at remembering the special days we spend today (including eating at restaurants), so unless old age is creeping up on me, I am starting to feel a bit concerned.

 

Just the other day we were talking about some of the trips / restaurants we ate at and she mentioned this one restaurant in great detail that I have no recollection of being at. According to my wife, she remembers us being there together, but I don't recall. She said she was very disappointed when I couldn't remember, so to turn the tables -- I mentioned everything we had done together to show her that if we did in fact eat at this place together, I would have remembered. I still don't remember.. and she still insists we did.

 

 

In the past few weeks, she'll insist I said things I know I didn't say. I hate to be so thorough with this and bore you, but yesterday at the grocery store she did it again. We're both love the great outdoors, and with summer approaching we started eating less so we can get in better shape for our hiking trips, etc. Anyway... I saw something sweet on a nearby counter and commented how great it would be to eat it. She mentioned our diet and said it wouldn't be a smart idea for us to eat it. I joked and said, "Why not? It looks delicious!" She gave me this awkward glare and said, "Well, when I had some cookies the other day you told me I should be eating something else." I was shocked! I never once said anything to the contrary, and I made it a point to state this. I brought this to her attention and after some denial on her end, and (apparently) humored me and said, "Oh, then I was mistaken".

 

Any ideas on what is going on here? Suggestions? People in the know? Help!

[somequestionsplz]

I also want to mention that she makes these situations into confrontations. There is no yelling, but a lot of debating.

[a4a]

Twillight Zone?

 

So does this happen with you with other people as well?

 

It could be you....... it could be her.

 

Perhaps you need to question her on a few things that you can back up with proof.

 

Then one of you gets to the shrink and a MD.

 

Have you discussed this with her?

[somequestionsplz]

Twillight Zone?

 

So does this happen with you with other people as well?

 

It could be you....... it could be her.

 

Perhaps you need to question her on a few things that you can back up with proof.

 

Then one of you gets to the shrink and a MD.

 

Have you discussed this with her?

 

I haven't experienced this with other people so I am not sure what to think. Yes, I have discussed this with her, and she claims that she must be hearing things / mixing things up somehow.

[a4a]

Then she needs some professional help.

 

You should speak to a professional as well to try to understand what the possible causes could be.

 

You can do something as simple as call your mental health center as a start to get some insight.

[Woggle]

Maybe she just has bad long term memory or maybe you do.

[somequestionsplz]

Then she needs some professional help.

 

You should speak to a professional as well to try to understand what the possible causes could be.

 

You can do something as simple as call your mental health center as a start to get some insight.

 

Thank you... there is a local Mental Heatlh Center that opens at 9:00am EST (I checked) so I will be calling them as soon as they open.

 

I guess this is more serious than I originally thought. I can't get over how these memories could either be fabrications or recalls of past events that obviously didn't involve me.

[Darth Vader]

Both of you should be checked out, just in case.

[My Fair Katie]

Hmm, maybe she's mixing things up, my husband does that sometimes. For instance:

 

Katie: Is that movie Se7en any good?

DH: We've already seen it.

Katie: I've NEVER seen that movie.

DH: Yes you did, you saw it with me.

Katie: Must have been your other wife.

 

We don't tend to get into arguments about it though.

 

Try keeping a journal of things you guys do together, then you'll know which one of you has the bum memory.

[Missy27]

OK, to play devils advocate. She actually could be playing mind games with you here. I had an ex BF who used to do the same thing. Took me ages to work out what he was doing, but eventually sussed it when he said something about his ex wife that didn't stack up. He used to say things like... "Remember that hotel we stayed at when we were in Ireland, and we were at it all night long in front of the fire, God I miss those days" .. Now I have NEVER been to Ireland with him and NEVER stayed in hotel with him in my life. I questioned him on it and he tried to turn it around on me. In the end I found out he'd NEVER been to Ireland either, he was just playing mind games with me, trying to make me paranoid and insecure about our relationship, trying to make me jealous and needy of him. It backfired cause I was stronger than him mentally anyway. I found his diary, which had some VERY humiliating stories about him in it, photocopied the pages and stuck them up around the village for all and sundry to see :laugh:

 

I just wondered if this was something to think about OP.

[LoveLace]

How old is your wife? Any family history of memory problems or alzheimers? Does she take any medications? Cuz some have crazy side effects, some can even cause hallucinations.

 

But it's a great idea to start keeping a journal of things that happen from day to day, write down activities that you two do together, etc...and next time a memory comes up, hopefully you can prove who's right or wrong! And if one of you does not need some kind of help, it would be good to take this documentation with you. Good luck.

[frustrated_dude]

I've had similar experiences with my wife. A lot of the time it turns into a heated discussion because she gets angry saying I did or said something mean/uncaring that never happened. After debating a little, she'll say well, you are capable of doing something like that.

 

She seems to direct her life's anger and frustrations at me and twists the truth unconsciously. For example, she has been having problems with her manager at work. I am a manager at my job. She has on more than one occassion attacked me for being a manager and how we enforce rules on employees.