chocolate_boy Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Hi guys, you may remember my old thread about my girl almost cheating on me on-line: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1097814#post1097814 Well this morning she's out and I took it upon myself to have a look at her msn history.. call me paranoid but she's been talking about a guy a lot recently, just slipping his name into conversations regularly. She went to stay with a friend last weekend and she got on well with her housemate, now she's been texting him a lot I know (about 10 times a day) and they have been talking lots on msn... now she made a massive deal and gets very upset that I didn't trust her, and it had come back, but the conversation with him goes like this: (EXCERPTS FROM YESTERDAY) HER: have i been texting you too much HIM: maybe a bit HER: i kinda got the hint the other day HIM:sos, it was just i cant do anything from here, and some of the txts were you know kind of innappropriate for a guy in a relationship. a casual onlooker might get the idea we did something, or that you want me its just my housemate took my fone and read my msgs, told my gf who then looked at all of them and i got the 3rd degree i know nothing happened but from the txdoubiouswas very ts it sos was very doubious from the txts HER: i thoght it was something like that HER: im sorry - i really am HIM: its k HER: i feel like **** now HIM: dont HIM: so defo stay friends and txt, but nothing like im cute, or i miss you stuff like that, its getspeople very aggitated and i dont want that is that kool? have you told ure bf bout me HER: ive told him i met you and were friends yea TODAY: HER: you seen my new hair? HIM: ha no come on lol HER: seriously...look, it's new hair HIM: nice whos it for? HER: you HIM: haa no really who HER: you HIM: lol HER: erm...myself...im a bit vain HIM: really? never .. :| sos lol i lke ure new hair xxxx grrr HER: there so much i wanna say to you but i cant HIM: go on HER: you told me not to HIM: well if you get it out ure system it might go away. you know noting can or will ever happen, so it cant hurt? can it? ... HER: no, i dont want anything to happen with you HER: i just miss you because there is a part of you i crave in {CHOCOLATE BOY} k HER: and also, you're lovely anyway cheers lol HER: it took me a while to figure it our t HER: i dont know you really... but what i do know of you is amazing HER: but i cant make {CHOCOLATE BOY} a different person HER: get? HIM: yeh so what happens? HER: i dunno...i cried again last night... HER: {CHOCOLATE BOY} said to me: you're out of order... HER: like i was a child HER: then he left and went to work, leaving me in tears HIM: dump the cunt HER: its not that easy HER: nor do i really want to deep down inside Now we did have a bit of a fight last night, im working nightshifts, and she called me then came in and woke me up twice, and third time leaped on top of me.. which is all well and good but i was exhausted and tired and snapped at her telling her i need my sleep... then she goes off crying on aol to him... Not just him though, looking through her aol history there's lots of convos with guys (she says she only gets on with men not women) all basically saying how much i hurt her and how i make her cry everyday and how she's given up so much to be with me, and they're all like "hugs baby, come stay with me" etc. I'm getting bit pissed off at it to be honest.. she'll go and run off like this to all her guy friends making out like I'm a scumbag, if I do something like not kiss her goodbye one day or snap at her for constantly waking me up when i'm working nightshifts... then she'll turn around and say the most hurtful nasty things to me sometimes and won't think anything of it. Don't get me wrong, i do love her and want this to work, but i'm getting a bit sick of this... I agree with that dudes girlfriend that she's saying innapropriate things to him... and he's blatantly flirting with her, but she won't see it, hell she didn't even bother to erase her history so she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, even after what happened a few months back. What do you all think? Am I in the wrong here? We've talked about this so many times before, but she just thinks I'm being nasty and trying to cut her off from the world, and if I tell her i've read the aol chat she'll accuse me of being jealous and possessive, then go off crying again.. Maybe we just have different standards.. for example my ex-fiance lives nearby now oddly, she's asked me to come and stay with her for a weekend, I said no out of respect to my girl, but I know my girl would go and stay with an ex boyfriend and not think twice about it, but I also know she'd be devistated if I did.
Krytellan Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 I'd love to be flowery and poetic, but based on her dialogues, you should leave her. She is not emotionally committed to you.
lindya Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Why are you torturing yourself by staying in a relationship like this? Your girlfriend clearly prizes her childish desire for compliments and attention from other guys far above your feelings. It strikes me, from reading your post, that her online playmate probably also secretly thinks she's a bit of a bint - but no doubt enjoys the ego boost she gives him. To borrow his charming phrase, dump the cunt.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 To borrow his charming phrase, dump the cunt. Lindya, you're one in eight billion
lindya Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Lindya, you're one in eight billion I don't know about that b4r. There must be more than one in eight billion people who think that this girl is just a....word that should be used sparingly in order to preserve its impact.
Enema Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 I also agree that you should break up with her. Don't even confront her about you snooping through the MSN logs. The whole thing will turn around and you'll end up being the bad guy. Just get out of it quickly and move on... she's with you until something better comes along.
Author chocolate_boy Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 I also agree that you should break up with her. Don't even confront her about you snooping through the MSN logs. The whole thing will turn around and you'll end up being the bad guy. Just get out of it quickly and move on... she's with you until something better comes along. Well its a bit hard to just do that cos we live together. Tonight i've also seen her aol logs again (yeah i know becoming a jealous stalker boyfriend) and she's arranging to meet some guy she met on the net tonight, again slating me to him, calling me boring and saying she needs to get out, he said to her 3 times in the convo "you seriously need to get a new bf", she's just blaming my lack of affection to him and saying she's trapped cos she lives with me... You know what I'm just gonna confront her and tell her this is not appropriate behaivour for my girlfriend, she'll cry and be like "but i havent got any friends" about wanting to meet this guy, but she'd flip a mental if i went off to meet some random girl i met on-line.
Trialbyfire Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Stop, look and listen. This girl is not worth your time, effort and pain. She needs so much ego stroking and attention to affirm herself. She also strikes me as a very spoiled little girl. It sounds like it's time to reinvest in someone worthwhile. Good luck!
Starry-eyed Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 You might be in denial, Chocolate Boy. Your "gf" is cheating, emotionally if not physically, and she obviously doesn't respect you or really love you. Sorry, but that is what it looks like. If you can't see that or you're making excuses for her or the situation, you might just be turning a blind eye. Sorry about that.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Dude, I put up with this exact same behavior with my last gf. By the end she was blowing guys on her lunch break and making justifications. Get out now while you still have your dignity for the love of Jesus Christ
pelagicsands Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Dude, I put up with this exact same behavior with my last gf. And you would do anything to get her back, right? She's just playing around, and he needs to be treating her better. Way better.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 And you would do anything to get her back, right? Not anymore. She just called me to get together last week and I blew her off. Just as I did in January and February. Women like this have borderline disorders and are pure poison. I didn't have many female friends at the time and had forgotten what good women were like. The friends I've met here have made the thought of seeing her repellant to me
Author chocolate_boy Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 And you would do anything to get her back, right? She's just playing around, and he needs to be treating her better. Way better. I need to be treating her better? Please explain, I want to understand from her side.
Storyrider Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 I didn't have many female friends at the time and had forgotten what good women were like. The friends I've met here have made the thought of seeing her repellant to me Awwww. K'ching! K'ching! K'ching! (sound of brownie points hitting the recently emptied bucket)
DutchGuy Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 And you would do anything to get her back, right? She's just playing around, and he needs to be treating her better. Way better. I also think that this is fixable. This especially: HER: i just miss you because there is a part of you i crave in {CHOCOLATE BOY} ...should tell you that she doesn't want to be with the other guy, but with you. She just wants the excitement back. If you don't give her excitement soon, then eventually she will crave the other guy physically as well. Now here's the thing, it's up to you to evaluate the whole thing. If she's amazing, never cheated and you sort of neglected her... you should fight for her. If she's a bitch, unfaithfull and you allready do everything to please her... you should dump her.
Star Gazer Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Stop, look and listen. Or better yet, stop (the insanity), drop (the girl like she's hot), and roll (yourself out the door and on with your life).
Author chocolate_boy Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 I also think that this is fixable. This especially: ...should tell you that she doesn't want to be with the other guy, but with you. She just wants the excitement back. If you don't give her excitement soon, then eventually she will crave the other guy physically as well. Now here's the thing, it's up to you to evaluate the whole thing. If she's amazing, never cheated and you sort of neglected her... you should fight for her. If she's a bitch, unfaithfull and you allready do everything to please her... you should dump her. It's like chicken and the egg though, the more she behaives like this, the less into her I feel, I am being less affectionate, cos we're lying on the sofa, and rather than talking to me, she's flirting with some guy on msn. I do a lot for her, take her out a lot, buy her nice romantic gifts, bail her out when she's broke (I pay all the rent etc.), help her to do things for work like filming and editing things for her, to help her acheive her dreams. Yet the more she does this, the less I feel like being loving and affectionate to her, so yeah I'm distancing myself. But even looking back to the week in feb, I lost my job and my grandfather died, yet she asked another guy round to our apartment for sex when I was out cos she felt neglected that day! She says she wanted me really, and not him though.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 But even looking back to the week in feb, I lost my job and my grandfather died, yet she asked another guy round to our apartment for sex when I was out cos she felt neglected that day! She says she wanted me really, and not him though.Oh my God you're hopeless...
Author chocolate_boy Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 By the way it also upsets me that she doesnt think i'm affectionate enough, i tell her I love her a hundred times a day, I always hold her hand and kiss her in public, I cook nice meals for her, took her to the beach for a picnic on saturday.. yet she makes out like I'm some unloving abuser to all these other guys.
pelagicsands Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 She says she wanted me really, and not him though. There you go.
DutchGuy Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 It's like chicken and the egg though, the more she behaives like this, the less into her I feel, I am being less affectionate, cos we're lying on the sofa, and rather than talking to me, she's flirting with some guy on msn. I do a lot for her, take her out a lot, buy her nice romantic gifts, bail her out when she's broke (I pay all the rent etc.), help her to do things for work like filming and editing things for her, to help her acheive her dreams. Yet the more she does this, the less I feel like being loving and affectionate to her, so yeah I'm distancing myself. But even looking back to the week in feb, I lost my job and my grandfather died, yet she asked another guy round to our apartment for sex when I was out cos she felt neglected that day! She says she wanted me really, and not him though. I didn't know the last part. I personally draw the line at cheating. Everyone should.
pelagicsands Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Oh my God you're hopeless... Everybody needs somewhere to wipe their feet.
Author chocolate_boy Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 There you go. I do believe her you know, but what can I do? I already do so much, we've been together a year and yeah things are not quite what they were in our honeymoon period, but I've always thought we were ok and been happy, if I break up with her I know she'll beg and cry and scream and promise to change, but is she just dependant on me, or am I really at fault here?
Trialbyfire Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 But even looking back to the week in feb, I lost my job and my grandfather died, yet she asked another guy round to our apartment for sex when I was out cos she felt neglected that day! She says she wanted me really, and not him though. Are you crazy to put up with this prima donna behaviour? You're worth more than this. NUT UP!! Kick her to the curb and lock the door.
Author chocolate_boy Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 I didn't know the last part. I personally draw the line at cheating. Everyone should. Well she didn't let him come around in the end, but she did talk about it and had some very steamy conversations with him on aol, hence the reason i look at her history now. I don't trust her, and i've not been like this with anyone before.
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