JoanneStruck Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Hi My best friend (a guy) has been living with his gf for just over a year. She got pregnant quickly and, both being in their late 30s, decided to keep the baby. She had the baby 2 days ago. I know he's not devoted to her (he lies and has cheated twice) but do you think her having his child will change this? My question is - does having a baby make a couple stronger, or make things harder? Your experiences and thoughts please!
ConfusedButLoved Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 I believe it can do both. It really has nothing to do with the baby IMO rather how the people involved handle situations and where they're strengths lie. If they arn't devoted to each other before the baby I don't see why having a child would strengthen that. It is a decision made by 2 people about each other. When I became pregnant by my son's biological father, we were not a couple and though he seemed excited about becoming a father, he left me only a month after finding out I was pregnant.
PoshPrincess Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 Hi My best friend (a guy) has been living with his gf for just over a year. She got pregnant quickly and, both being in their late 30s, decided to keep the baby. She had the baby 2 days ago. I know he's not devoted to her (he lies and has cheated twice) but do you think her having his child will change this? My question is - does having a baby make a couple stronger, or make things harder? Your experiences and thoughts please! Personally, I think if he is the sort of person that lies and cheats on his GF then I doubt having a baby will suddenly change all that, unless maybe he has suddenly been more attentive towards his GF since she became pregnant and has been faithful since then. It doesn't sound like a very good R to bring a baby into. As far as my own LTR was concerned, things really changed for us when we had our son and we ended up splitting up before he was two. We had been together for eight years. The thing was that we had a very relaxed R in that we both did our own thing (I'm not talking an 'open R' her BTW!) Of course, having a baby changed the dynamics in our R. I packed up work, eventually going on to work PT nights. He was at work all day, I was working most eves. He was never one for going out but I was (and still did maybe once a week). I felt I had lost a lot of my independence. In hindsight we both now realise we went about our entire R the wrong way but at the time we both thought we were so grown-up by doing things the way we did. I wish now that I had gone back to work a couple of days a week but my exP and I were both of the opinion that if a woman can afford not to work at stay at home with the child (as both our Mums had done) then they shouldn't. I had never been particularly happy at work anyway so was more than pleased to pack up. It's ironic that now we have split up I have to work full-time to support myself and my son. There could have been a happy medium!
mammax3 Posted June 14, 2007 Posted June 14, 2007 It seems to depend on the couple. Some men will step up and become the doting daddy, and some mothers are quite comfortable in the mothering role. When a man and woman are at ease in their parental roles, there is little resentment or animosity between the couple. However, I know of VERY few R's where having a baby actually helped the couple (I'm trying hard to think of one, actually). It's a crazy stressful time - little sleep, a completely dependant person relying on the couple for EVERYTHING, confusion, arguing over parenting styles, decreased intimacy, decreased time for personal relaxation, increased home workload (laundry, dishes, who will wash the toilet?)... You get the picture. So if the marriage/R is somewhat strained prior to baby... it often only gets worse. I have three kids (and love love love them to pieces!), but my H couldn't take the stress and bailed before #3 was born - and we had a TIGHT R before baby, but it began to strain during pregnancy... The 'pros' to having a baby are huge (the beautiful love, is the biggest, IMO) but most aren't reaped until the baby's able to interact more (3 or 4 months, about) and smile genuinely for the first time. It may help that they're both older, it seems older people have gotten their 'party' days out of their system, are more financially mature, emotionally able to take on the stress, and know more about themselves (all HUGE generalizations, I know I know...). Good luck to them and congratulations! Having a child can be hugely fulfilling IMO and it's such a treat!
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