alasia Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Hi, sorry I wasn't sure which section to put this in... First of all I've got to say this isn't one of my usual posts; where I'm obsessively thinking about my ex, wishing we could get back together or being all depressed. I've been in a great mood all day, haven't seen or spoken to my ex since Wednesday (ok so it's only a few days...but still!) and haven't wanted to - and for the most part, I haven't even thought about him! Which is good:) So, that said...I have a question. I was chatting with a friend earlier and she mentioned her recent ex, who keep trying to make her jealous (she thinks) by mentioning other women he's dating, etc, and it got me thinking about Phil - my ex. I've noticed a pattern - apart from all the times he's said he wants to try again or still loves me, changed his mind then either denied ever saying it or telling me he felt forced into saying it, he seems to use other women against me quite a lot. There are two women that he says are just friends, but who's names cropped up all through our (albeit short) relationship, and are still popping up now; Wendy and Paula. If you've read my previous posts youi'll know about Wendy, and apparently Paula is an old friend from school, that he only sees very occasionally. Phil says she's married... The last time either of these women got mentioned, was when I deleted Paula ans Wendy's numbers from his phone (I know I shouldn't have...). He said he wasn't bothered about Wendy, but got very upset about Paula - the reason, he said, was because she's a really old, close friend and he hard;y ever sees her. But I got the impressison there must be more to it, because of the way he handled it so badly - he seemed devastated to have lost her number. Eventually Phil said "yes ok..I did want to take Paula out". Then when I said "oh really?" he took it back, saying he was only joking! Is it just me..or is that weird?! We're not together anymore, his lovelife is none of my business yet everytime he's said he's interested in someone else (he's said it at least 6 times over the past 4 months), he's changed his mind almost instantly and admitted he was lying and/or joking. He also acts offended if I ever mention him seeing someone else - I know he will eventually yet when I mention it, he'll say I'm "accusing" him of seeing other women and says it upsets him. He wants me out of his life, so I'd have thought the easiest thing to do would be to say he IS seeing someone else to get me off his case (not that I'm on it anymore)...the fact he says it then denies it or admits/says he was lying confuses me. He can't be saying those things to make me jealous, because he takes it back almost straight away (even when he 'admitted' he's slept with Wendy while we were together; he kept that up for about a day, then said he'd been lying and he hadn't cheated), so why would he be doing it? Could he be a compulsive liar who doesn't realise what he's saying, or is he telling the truth (and has cheated, is seeing someone else now etc) but is worried about admitting it to me for some reason? Ok I've said the same thing aboutg four times...sorry for the long post! Liek I said, not obsessing or worrying, I know I shouldn't care about why he says what he does - and I don't, it's just it's a Bank Hoiliday Monday, I'm bored and just got thinking! Humour me please
Aquarius Guy Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 Dear Alasia, The question is more what are you doing to build the energizing cycle of boosting your man's Ego. When you have established a trust that you are intending to keep making accomodations for your man that are important to him, then you can ask for no contact. Polite lies about fidelity and thoughts about past loves is not the basis for a relationship. You seem to be expecting Love to Happen for you, rather than making an effort to find what is easy for you to do to please your man immensely. Lovand respect calls that stepping on your lover's air hose, dampening his spirits.
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