Poboy Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Ok i am that stage of my life when friends around me are getting married... 2 of them last year and 1 this year and 1 soon to be. out of the 3 who got married , it seems like i am getting more and more away from them every month. 7 of us ( 3 guys and 4 girls ) very tight during college for 5 years and continued to do so after college with regular meetups , hang outs , helping each other during bad times and share good times. now all of us are working and busy with our lives. now its down to the remaining 3 of us unmarried to meet up regularly and the rest , well not much contact, only met up during the marriages of each other and basically us 3 are really missing the whole group thingie and scared of what will happen when all of us do eventually. my worries is because the married friends themselves dont meet each other and do what married couples would do and have stayed away and moved on despite the fact in all the years we had discussed that us will still do things even after getting married occasionaly but nothing has happened. we all tried many times to make some plan but something or the other would come up and the plan never materialized. i can understand the girls having issues of meeting up after marrriage with us but even the guys seem to be the same. 1. is this normal and is it what will eventually happen. if so , what can be done to atleast try to keep us close. 2. is it time for me to meet new people and make new friends . i am the kind to keep in touch but if its going to be like that , i will be a lot alone in next couple of years cause i never thought it would be like this and never kept close with other people other than 7 of us. 3. will things be normal say 5 / 10 / 20 yrs down the line or somehow we all would once again start again somewhere , not all but maybe atleast a few of us. can anyone relate to this and whats the deal... are friends only meant to be while we are at a particular place and time or is it that we were not really that close or this is a common thing. Thanks.
norajane Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 1. Yes, it's normal and it happens a lot. You can try to keep in touch via phone and email, but getting together becomes harder and harder with the married couples, especially as they move away or move from city to suburbs. Try for an annual or semi-annual get together - a party at someone's house usually is best, like for a birthday or something. 2. Keep in touch with your old friends as you can, but definitely meet new people. This kind of thing will happen your whole life - you will make friends at a job, for example, and most will drift off once you change jobs unless you have other things in common. 3. Not sure what you mean by normal. This is normal now. It won't ever be like it was in college or immediately after, especially when people start having children. That's how life works - you have friends during phases of your life and one or two from each phase end up sticking around for the long haul. You will be lucky to have one or two good friends from college remaining friends forever, and a few good friends that you've met over the years. That's why they make movies like The Big Chill and all those movies about class reunions and whatnot. It's because good friends tend to move on, but it can be fun to get together every now and then for a reunion.
Author Poboy Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 1. your idea of an annual meetup sounds more probable . i think we all were trying too hard to meetup regularly to keep the group together , maybe realistically well planned annual meetup sounds great instead of just random plan. 2. yes i know of the phases of the lives and we move on but in our case it was 5 years in college and 4 years after that so 9 long years of friendship , i thought things wouldnt be this bad considering we did do a lot of travelling together , hanging out after college too but its turning out that way and the babies , children stuff will definitely not make it better lol . maybe i and others are expecting too much maybe ... will work on meeting up more people personally. 3. i had read somewhere that people really dont forget old friends and the urge to have a meetup/ contact grows after lot of years apart and no contact so wondering if its true that eventually after lot of years go by , we would be back to contacting each other more than now ( when we would be say in our 40's , 50's ). we dont have a college reunion support so its down to what we all plan to do. thanks
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