tm41307 Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 I am not yet in a LDR, but am trying to pursue one...and would like any input anyone would like to give Here's an insight to my situation...to my surprise two weeks ago, i ran into a 'friend' from my past. His mom lives across the street from me and he was here for a visit. I have not seen him in 24 years. We had the big 'crush' going on in high school. He was too shy to come talk to me so i made the move to go talk to him, i knew i had to at least talk to him before he was gone again. Great to see him, great to catch up, we'd both been married, divorced, in hurtful relationships, and are now both available. We got together a couple of times during his brief one week stay. Never did i(we) expect the feelings that came out of this 'encounter'. Never thought it would be so hard to see him leave. Some of you might know what i mean by the connection and feelings that come back. Guess it's true what they say about 'first loves'. Here's the dilemma. I live in MN. He in CO. Says he's thought about moving back here(prior to our meeting)and is now 'looking into' area positions with his job. But says it will be at least a year before he'd make any move(has a son there with a year of school left), if any. And has everything to lose if he does, his home, his job. Says if there were a guarantee it would work and we'd be happy, but we both know there's no guarantee, in anything. Says don't put your life on hold, but don't give up either. Some days i'm really happy and excited about this, other days really bummed. I wake up and go to bed thinking about this man. I know it's a lot to want him to come back here, a lot to ask, i don't expect anything overnight, i'm in no hurry(although i've always said long distance would never work for me). I just know how i feel-i fell hard for this boy- and don't want that to just go away. Says he has the feelings, but my worry is now i'm here, he's back there, its cut, dried, done. I send cards. We talk regularly. He doesn't have email. My HOPE is to keep in close contact, hopefully see each other a couple times, and make a way to be together. My family is here. My two teen sons are here, i will never move away from them. He has family near here and his mom right here. I guess what i'm looking for here is how do i do this, aim for this, make this happen, not give up..and not push him away..??
Poboy Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 i think you should keep in close touch with him but not make any moves right now, just be there in his life enough ( and his mom ) so that he gets it that you are around and not forgotten him... basicall be there enough but not too much. for both of you, kids and family are important and will come first rather than this relationship to be. at the same time , i would suggest to keep your options open with other guys and date. dont miss out on the chances to meet other people. if nothing works out and after a year things are good between you two , then you can make the move as per the situation of him moving near you or whatever it turns out to be.
Zona76 Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 You both have a past. I suggest highly you do what you can to keep contact and be friends. Things develope easily in LDR. It might work out. Good Luck
Author tm41307 Posted May 9, 2007 Author Posted May 9, 2007 Thanks..i like to hear the positives But what does 'you both have a past' have to do with it..? Did you mean with eachother?
ibitealil Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Hi, You have so much history between you which means it definitely worth trying and it sounds it might work because u still have this spark after all these years and he s considering coming back to town. But before that, just to ask, In what level you are now? Have you dated him again yet? have you talked about developing a relationship or not just yet? Cuz that might reflect the answer to the question how you start an LDR? im in LDR myself for 6 months now . But It depends on what problems or issues u have right now. hehe. It is good you are not in a hurry and you dont push anything too fast, but I think an important thing in LDR is you have to be clear about what you want. I dont agree with Poboy.If you are in a LDR it s no good if you dont develop trust to each other. So having an option to see other people is not a great idea i would say. The thing is, you are worried now whether it will work out or not, so basically u need to do possible things to make you less worried about him and the current situation. That involves being open to him too. Let him know that you see a potential relationship between you two and find out what he says about it. Beating around the bush like being around there but not too much is also no good cuz it adds more uncertainty in the relationship i think. But again, it depends on how you both want it to be. And yes it is a good idea to see him again (more than once, if you have time), because that prevents you two from being cold feeted about the relationship. Ways not to push him away: Please Dont be needy and whiny (like most girls do, and i did ) and if theres a problem only solve it by talking to him either on the phone or in person; no chatting or txting during the problem as it makes the problem even worse. For the rest of the things, just let it flow, no pressure, just like any other relationship:) i encourage you to go for it and yeah i really cheer for you Hope that helps and, Best of luck!
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