tben Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Ok people.....I don't get my man at all at this moment. My fiance just recently admitted taht the times we are not having sex is because there are times I stress him out and even though he may want sex he says he holds back because he doesnt want to 'reward' me for getting him stressed. Is that lame or what and does it even sound real?
4whatItsWorth Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Whoever said sex is a "reward"? I'd say you have sex with someone because you love them. Alright, if you're annoyed at your partner you might feel less "desire" to have sex with them...but I'd say it's kind of unfair of him deciding "I'm gonna tell her this in order to make her stop annoying me - haha!" I stress my guy out all the time but if I stripped naked he'd still have sex with me - annoyed or not. Bottom line is, it is wrong of him to let you know he sees sex as "reward" and "punishment". Sex should mean "I love you and I want to show it." I joke to my guy "No sex for a week." whenever I am a little annoyed at him - but I never actually MEAN it. And he knows I am joking when I say it. How long have you been engaged? You might wanna watch out...he might find other ways to "punish" you in the future...which isn't healthy.
Mustang Sally Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 In general, that kind of manipulation is at best an immature response to someone you (supposedly) care tremendously about. At worst it is an incredibly personal attack on someone's most core vulnerabilities. Either way, I think it is a huge red flag. *cue warning sirens*
Trialbyfire Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Emotional and physical responses go hand-in-hand. If you're angry, upset or hurt at/by the other party, you're not going to be terribly interested in making love to them. If you can compartmentalize these two actions, I guess, more the power to you because I can't. The best way to avoid this type of situation is to never go to bed angry. Having said that, withholding for reasons of power or control is wrong. Better to resolve emotional differences first, then...making out is an amazing way to reconnect and to completely bleed all residual negative emotion. A cleansing, in some ways.
Bobster999 Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Dump him. If he is already pulling this crap, it will only get worse.
sb129 Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 In general, that kind of manipulation is at best an immature response to someone you (supposedly) care tremendously about. At worst it is an incredibly personal attack on someone's most core vulnerabilities. Either way, I think it is a huge red flag. *cue warning sirens* Sb129s guide to dating rule no 98756: never use sex as a reward/ weapon. It only ends in tears.
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