seductress989 Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Hello everyone, I just recently broke up with someone about 2 months ago. I went out not looking for a relationship since I'm leaving for college soon. But I met the sweetest guy and he pursued me although he knew I would be living 3 hours away when I leave. I finally agreed to be his g/f being the reluctant skeptic I am and now he's telling me that he doesn't want me to go to college. He said that since I have him(he has $$$$$) that I don't have to go to college and that he will take care of me. I don't know what to do b/c I've always wanted to be independant and take care of myself and work. I actually want to do that. I don't want to stay at home and be someone's wife. I want to have a career and a husband if that's possible! I really like this guy and he's already said the L word and we just started dating. I don't want to make the wrong decision, can someone help me?
My Fair Katie Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Already said the L-word? Doesn't think you should go to college? Dated less than 2 months? Sounds controlling to me. Dump him. Have the life you deserve, with an education and people who support you trying to better yourself.
4whatItsWorth Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 I really like this guy and he's already said the L word and we just started dating. I don't want to make the wrong decision, can someone help me? If you look up "The Loser" on these boards or internet you will find a webpage/post that counts up the definition of a person who will become verbally/physically abusive i.e. "The Loser". The Loser will tell you the "l" word within 3 weeks or around it of dating. He/she will make ultimatums telling you to choose between him or other things and people until you are left with nobody but him to rely on. DO NOT DATE THIS GUY. WHEN HE ASKED YOU TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HIM AND COLLEGE THE ANSWER SHOULD HAVE BEEN OBVIOUS. COLLEGE!!! I know you like him, but a guy who is a REAL man and who REALLY loves you would SUPPORT you in doing what you want. NO WOMAN SHOULD EVER ACCEPT THE ROLE OF FINANCIAL DEPENDENCE ON A MAN. Especially not a man who says "it's college or me". Break up and find a guy who isn't gonna tell you what to do.
4whatItsWorth Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 I don't want to make the wrong decision, can someone help me? Also, girl, I am saying this with A LOT of love; making the wrong decision is not to go to college and to stay with this man. Go to college and please please please do not make him believe he is a nice guy. He has issues you can never resolve for him and do not take this further than it already has gone. Best of luck and tons of sisterhood hugs!
Woggle Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 If he really loved you he would support you trying to better yourself and succeed in life. I would dump him. You will probably meet somebody ten times better in college that will support your dreams so forget about him.
Lizzie60 Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 would stand for LOSER.. this guy is a control freak... RUN!!!! Any ultimatum is a no-no...when it involves your future and your independance... He's no good. If he would really loves you, he would want what's best for you.. and trust me education is what's best for you if you want independance (career)... Come on... Never mind this guy... go to college. Good luck... be strong... if you give in... you're setting youself to become his doormat...
Lizzie60 Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 "Remember that no can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt REMEMBER!
Salicious Crumb Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Hello everyone, I just recently broke up with someone about 2 months ago. I went out not looking for a relationship since I'm leaving for college soon. But I met the sweetest guy and he pursued me although he knew I would be living 3 hours away when I leave. I finally agreed to be his g/f being the reluctant skeptic I am and now he's telling me that he doesn't want me to go to college. He said that since I have him(he has $$$$$) that I don't have to go to college and that he will take care of me. Hell no....don't rely on him. You get your education. You can't be sure he won't be the same man years down the road, and you might find yourself divorced and then what are you gonna do? Don't ever let anyone give you an ultimatum about going to college. He can still be your BF...but him not wanting you to go to college or you are through? Sounds like a power trip to me.
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 You said it yourself you want to be independent. There is no guarantee that the relationship will work out in the long run, if it does do you want to have to ask for money or everything being his not yours? (plus his money may not last) Of course not, you want to have your own money and if things unfortunately end you have your own money to leave and be able to take care of yourself. Hard to say 100% if he is the controlling type, but he knew before you even started dating that you were going to college soon so if he has a problem with that it's all him. He doesn't have the right to say it's him or college. Tell him you want a partner, someone to love you, not take care of you for the rest of your life. (not meaning the sweet way like taking care of you when your sad or sick)
quankanne Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 he may mean well because he's afraid that you'll forget about him "out there," but as Wog points out, when someone really loves you, that person backs your dreams and goals when it means helping you become a better person. And college definitely provides this kind of growth, because you become independent in a "safe" environment. getting your degree is the sweetest experience you'll ever know, because even with assistance from the federal government (grants or loans for tuition), your friends or your family (emotional), this is something only you can do. And it's worth every damn bit of blood, sweat and tears you pour into your studies. And it's something no one, NO ONE can every take away from you, because you've earned it. at this point in your life, love shouldn't be the most important thing on the books. Yes, it ranks up there, but as you've pointed out, getting an education helps you become more independent. A sticky booger boyfriend who wants you to rely solely on him is counterproductive to your dreams .... if you and he are meant to be together, the relationship will survive time and distance apart. My husband and I are living proof of this, and we've been married 15 years. so don't give up your dream just because he doesn't want you to leave, because if you give in now, your whole relationship will be about letting him have his way when he feels threatened.
Reckless Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 The L-word my big fat flabby bottom! He loves you but he doesn't want you to get an education? He loves you but he can't cope with a THREE HOUR distance!!?.. What his private jet can't fly that far? He loves you but he wants you to regret your WHOLE LIFE (believe me you will) not achieving a goal you have been working towards? He loves you but he wants you totally dependent on him so that if you happen to be with him in 10 years time (god I hope not) and he happens to take his abundant stash of dosh and give it to another woman you will be destitute? If that's love I'll take I kick in the face from a quarterback anyday. If you listen to the garbage he's telling you, and make such a earth-shatteringly, monumentally stupid decision for someone that you have known for TWO MONTHS, maybe college isn't the place for you after all. chose college, COLLEGE COLLEGE!
Craig Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 I vote to cut your losses early with him because I agree with what everyone else said above. Go to college have fun and don't ever depend upon anyone for financial security but yourself. You want a partner in life not a caretaker.
Author seductress989 Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 I do want to have my independance for the very reasons that everyone else has said. There is no guarantee that any relationship will work out and I want to have an education that no one can take away from me. He told me that he is afraid I will forget about him once I go down there, but that's not true. He obviously has some insecurity issues but he really is a nice guy (so far....) At first he acted like he was ok with it, but now since the move for college is approaching( i'm leaving this weekend) he's acting different. I dont want to give up on a nice guy but I don't want a control freak. He is older than me and from my experiences, it seems that all the older guys I date try to control me. Or maybe it's just my imagination. I also think that he told me he loved me as an attempt to get me to stay here and not go to college. I don't know how someone could "love" me when they have just met me. I want to stand my ground on this. I'm going to tell him that I'm going to college and that's final. If he wants to dump me for that, then I guess I will be single again. And I'm FINE with that. I will keep you guys posted on this. Let me know any more thoughts you have guys. Thanks to all!
bab Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 I want to stand my ground on this. I'm going to tell him that I'm going to college and that's final. If he wants to dump me for that, then I guess I will be single again. And I'm FINE with that. I will keep you guys posted on this. Let me know any more thoughts you have guys. Thanks to all! This is the right move. Go to college. Don't hang your entire life on someone you've basically just met. Someone who loves you doesn't give you ultimatiums like this. GO GO GO!!!
torranceshipman Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Got to add my 2cents even if it's to agree 100% with all the posters on here! Girl, I'm a teacher and the choice (as you already seem to know) is COLLEGE! Not just because it'll open up so many doors career wise, but because it will also be 3 or 4 of the most awesome, crazy, educational, fun and nostalgic years of your life. It'll change you as a person, bring new opportunities, broaden your horizons...you'll love it. Not going to college...would be the biggest mistake you've ever made! If the guy cares and wants you for who you really are, he'd be 100% behind you. But then again you sound pretty strong and intelligent and like you've realised all of this already...just make sure you post an update on here during your 1st semester and tell us what an awesome time you're having!!! Oh yeah -and...you'll meet a LOT of very, very cute guys at college! (-:
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Hello everyone, I just recently broke up with someone about 2 months ago. I went out not looking for a relationship since I'm leaving for college soon. But I met the sweetest guy and he pursued me although he knew I would be living 3 hours away when I leave. I finally agreed to be his g/f being the reluctant skeptic I am and now he's telling me that he doesn't want me to go to college. He said that since I have him(he has $$$$$) that I don't have to go to college and that he will take care of me. I don't know what to do b/c I've always wanted to be independant and take care of myself and work. I actually want to do that. I don't want to stay at home and be someone's wife. I want to have a career and a husband if that's possible! I really like this guy and he's already said the L word and we just started dating. I don't want to make the wrong decision, can someone help me? Go to college, make something of yourself! Be independant, learn how to be alone and be happy without having to rely on a man. If he loves you, he'll let you grow as a person. It sounds to me that this guy is insecure, needy and controlling. ANYONE who puts an ultimatium on someone like what this guy has put on you has issues. Sorry, but this is a deal breaker. Go to College, enjoy life and dump this guy!
littlepiggy1 Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 I don't know what to do b/c I've always wanted to be independant and take care of myself and work. There's your answer. Dump the loser.
D-Lish Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Honestly? I was in the same position at about the age of 19. Can I just be blunt and tell you... go to college. You will kick yourself in the ass later in life if you don't follow through with this. He could just be insecure- perhaps worried about losing you. He could be controlling- it's hard to say. Regardless- you MUST pursue your education. I can't even tell you how different I am years later from the girl I was at 19. If I had missed college for that guy- i would have missed such a life defining opportunity. You owe it to yourself to try out college... If he doesn't get that and stick by you- he's not the guy for you.
Walk Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Wanted to chime in on this.. What's important to you in life? He's already exerting his influence over your life to such a degree that it will alter the entire course. He hasn't offered a comprimise, or sought ways to make both of you happy with the change. He's given one alternative that suits him without taking YOU into consideration. That isn't love. Wouldn't you rather have someone who will encourage you to grow, learn, and become the greatest person you can possible be? I dated a guy in my early 20's who was also 'down' on me going to college. I gave up on the idea of college at the time believing it was something I could comprimise on. I spent the next decade of my life feeling as though I'd sold myself out. I missed out on so many things by not going to college back then. And eventually, I felt so stifled in the relationship with the guy that I ended up leaving. So not only did I miss out on the college education, but I'm not even with guy I gave it all up for. It's harder than hell to go back to college the older you get. I just finished my degree a couple weeks ago, and I'm still kicking myself for not finishing it when I was younger. I've lost 15 years of experience and higher income that I could've been using to do things I REALLY wanted to do in life. Like visit foreign countries and writing a new best seller and all the things I really love to do. Instead, I was cow-towing to an individual who felt he not only owned me, but every dollar we had too.
roxy_1980 Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 If you are not familiar with the song "Stupid Boy" by Keith Urban. I suggest you find it and listen to it. Cause that's exactly what's gonna happen. In short, it's about a guy that breaks his girl's dreams to feel like a "big man". Except she rises up and leaves his sorry @$$.
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