skinut2234 Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 OK- I think I have an issue but not sure what. It seems to be obsessive in nature- Whenever I make someone mad or upset...(and there is no closure)- I cannot function normally- I obsess over it non-stop to the point I get sick. I keep beating myself up over whatever it is I may have done (nothing serious)- Ususally just a normal discussion with the wife or friend- that ends up with someone being upset at me- I cannot let it go until there is closure..... Which is torture when it's days. To give an example- I got an old friend upset at me last week- She basically wanted to be left alone for a while and I let it go- I was sick over it- I find myself replaying the things I said over and over again- I cannot let it go- It's to the point I feel it physically.... Is this some kind of disorder?? It seems to only cause distress when I know there is someone out there that may be upset with me,....help!
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 It is obsessive thinking and you're internalizing it, driving yourself into more negative thinking, and obsessing about it. Definately get some therapy in, CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) can help sort out those thoughts, and you can learn how to process them, and control them in a more positive way. Also, you need to deal with the triggers that get you going. All this could be tied into your childhood, the experiences growing up with your mom and dad. Needing their approval, not wanting to disappoint them and now you're reacting too much when people are angry at you or upset with you. When you feel this way, what are the thoughts? That they will hate you forever and never want to be your friend? Or are you worried that your wife won't forgive you? She'll love you less? IF you can find the root of the problem, try to understand it, and with the help of therapy, you can work through all those obsessive thoughts.
Author skinut2234 Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 It's hard to explain- Basically when I know someone is upset or angry with me- I am very unsettled- I obsess on how to fix it to the point that I think I chase people away and make it worse. Even something so simple as last week- our dog got loose in the yard and went to the neighbors yard- My neighbor (who we are friends with) got a bit in a huff over it- no big deal- but I obsessed over the thought that he was upset with me (like all night) Most people would not even give it a thought-
Kamille Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 I would likely give it a thought. But I would also immediately follow the thought with : ah well, the best relationships are formed on the basis of forgiveness. Forgive yourself first. No you are not perfect and yes you will do things that upset people in your life, just like, if you really think about it, people do things that upset you (although I suspect you might internalize these and feel you are responsible when people upset you). I stick my foot in my mouth at least once day. I used to be very hard on myself about that and I remember having an intense conversation with my dad about it, where I came to the realization that at least by being so introspective about my actions, I was always looking to better myself. So that trait of yours isn't necessarly bad. It makes you who you are. You just need to figure out how to handle it in a healthy way. People come and go into our lives. The best friends are the friends that let you be you, defaults qualities and all. The strongest friendships are the ones who come back to you after upsets and distance. They are the friends I feel I can count on. Hope it helps
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