coffee_addict Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Hi all Ive had this 'best' friend for about 2 years now, when we met we got really close really quickly, and its all been a sort of fast tracked friendship. So about....may/june last year, i start falling in love with him. Now im really in love with him, have been for a while, so i dunno if thats making me paranoid or biased or whatever, so i kinda wanted your help on this.... I moved away to uni, and ever since, even before really, we've been fighting. Its over stupid things, usually he does something, i get mad, we fight, then i feel awful and dont want him to hate me so i apologise. Now a stupid thing, for example, is his myspace page. I'm 6th on his top friends, and theres only 1 mention of me anywhere (but it was written ages ago.) He had a quiz that asked u about ur top friends, i.e. 'are you best friends with number 3?' and stuff like that, and there was a question about every number....except 6. I KNOW i sound paranoid, but theres all these triggers that makes me think....i dunno, hes not really my friend. he never makes any effort, lets me down, isnt bothered about seeing me when im home from uni, and i get upset over him all the time. Its like hes embarassed to be my friend....he never does anything publicly, i.e put something about me on his myspace, or....anything really - i know this sounds crazy but to me its like he wants it to look like im pining after him and hes just going 'no get away' and isnt bothered at all. he says he cares about me, and that i mean a lot to him, and all this stuff, but im worried its just lies, and that he keeps me around for the attention i give him, because i love him so much, and he knows when he tells me things hes done ill be like 'wow how cool, thats so amazing!' please dont think im some crazy paranoid needy person (ok i guess i am) but in my head i just have all these doubts and i cant shake them thanks so much to anyone who replies, i really dont know what to do x x x x x x x x x x x *ok new info* just found out he has 2 accounts on bebo (another myspace type website thing), and that he only added me on the one he doesnt use. i really give up, why isnt he acting like he wants to be my friend?
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 why isnt he acting like he wants to be my friend? Because he knows (or at the very least suspects) how you feel, doesn't want to lead you on. He may enjoy the ego stroking, but like most things - too much stroking leads to chafing. He is likely feeling the chaf, if you know what I mean. Even if he didn't know how you felt, he'd be really turned off by how obligational you are making this friendship. I think most people would be turned off by that.
polywog Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 You are longing for something that he can't give you, and you owe it to yourself to keep away for a while... don't check in on his sites, as tempting as it is, and don't contact him. If he contacts you, tell him that you need space. It will be hard, because of your feelings, but you need to get over him. The way it is now, being "friends" is just not possible for you. Then you'll stop wasting energy on this unrequited love, and can heal and grow. And you'll be opening yourself up to opportunities for a real love, which is what you deserve. Post here instead of contacting him or checking up, because it might be hard for you. You'll have lots of support from all the great LSers. Good luck!
Author coffee_addict Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 aw thanks guys well i have tried the space thing before, ive done NC on my side, which then ended up with us both admitting we needed a break from each other. Ive just started going out with a guy, whos really great, has said im perfect and all the lovely things i want a guy to say but my friend is still there, in my head, and i cant get over my love for him. this is really doing my head in lol i will try to speak to him only if he speaks to me i think, and see what happens, as not talking to him at all isnt really an option..... im hoping that this guy ive started going out with will change my focus of attention to him and not my friend, and make me realise that i am worth someone to somebody after all.
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