2sunny Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 I had a coffee date with a really nice guy on Fri evening. Am scheduled to see him again tomorrow. Sat and Sun had a REALLY carzy weekend with first communion gatherings and graduation celebrations... it was all great. He knew I wouldn't really have time to see him this weekend. He did call this evening to see me tomorrow... I am so new to this arena after a 20 year marriage. I would appreciate your take on it (although at this point there is not much to report). We did kiss though - and he said I am the sweetest thing he's met in a long time.... Do you think when a gal is busy - it is better? or do you want her to be available? How much time should i allow him to obtain from me? I NEVER mind being alone - as i am not lonely - even if alone... I do like his general nature and demeanor. I am a straight forward kind of gal... do I just put that out there and see if it scares him away?? - cuz I do need a man with a strong enough personality to keep up and keep me in line.... Tell me men and women - what approach do I take?
Pyro Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 I had a coffee date with a really nice guy on Fri evening. Am scheduled to see him again tomorrow. Sat and Sun had a REALLY carzy weekend with first communion gatherings and graduation celebrations... it was all great. He knew I wouldn't really have time to see him this weekend. He did call this evening to see me tomorrow... I am so new to this arena after a 20 year marriage. I would appreciate your take on it (although at this point there is not much to report). Do you think when a gal is busy - it is better? or do you want her to be available? How much time should i allow him to obtain from me? I NEVER mind being alone - as i am not lonely - even if alone... I do like his general nature and demeanor. I am a straight forward kind of gal... do I just put that out there and see if it scares him away?? - cuz I do need a man with a strong enough personality to keep up and keep me in line.... Tell me men and women - what approach do I take? Just be yourself and take it slow. If you have stuff to do, then he should respect that. I mean, we all have lives outside of companionship. Good luck.
alphamale Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Tell me men and women - what approach do I take? Hi 2S....see him once per week for the first month or so and then if you two still click you can see each other more often (like twice per week). Seeing each other too much early on can be the kiss of death. And plus, both parties need time to digest and examine their thoughts. Plus you want to keep some mystery and anticipaiton going.... Remember that old ketchup commercial?
Teacher's Pet Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Remember that old ketchup commercial? Personally, I bang it as hard as I can until I get what I need out of it. I don't see what this has to do with relationships. -tp 57 varieties of pleasure
The Original Poster Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 2sunny, The trick is to hit it firmly from the side. Work a bubble up to the fat end. Then Bob's your uncle. Just be careful or drops will get flung around as the tip goes back and forth and some breaks loose. As far as the dating thing goes, just be cool. And try to avoid places where you might have to use ketchup. Think "date food". Safe, not messy, nothing that pushes the envelope of etiquette or manners. Save the embarrassing stuff until after you hear him fart once. There. You got it. The best advice I've ever given anyone. Aren't you special.
Author 2sunny Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 Geez - you guys are toooo funny! I can't even believe it but I might have to consider Alpha's suggestion.... hmmmm... but dang it I am a lovely gal that hasn't had sex for way too long honey.... and he is so nice - and so hot.... oooooookay..... slow.... I will.... I will.... I will.... dang it - i suppose I have to... and I hate taking your advice Alpha.... self control is all around me....
Author 2sunny Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 help - as I hate myself for considering any of Alpha's advice...
alphamale Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 oooooookay..... slow.... I will.... I will.... I will.... dang it - i suppose I have to... and I hate taking your advice Alpha.... self control is all around me.... help - as I hate myself for considering any of Alpha's advice... the key is patience 2S...at least early on. Its really to make him like you more and make you look not too "available" or desperate. Trust me, it will be better for the long-term. You'll also notice that I did not say you couldn't sleep with him early on. If you want to do the horizontal bop on date #2 or #3 that is fine as long as you space out the dates.
Author 2sunny Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 the key is patience 2S...at least early on. Its really to make him like you more and make you look not too "available" or desperate. Trust me, it will be better for the long-term. You'll also notice that I did not say you couldn't sleep with him early on. If you want to do the horizontal bop on date #2 or #3 that is fine as long as you space out the dates. wow- AM you are way better than I gave you credit for.... as far as advice.... he he ... thanks tho hunny~
Can'tGiveUp Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 2Sunny - I am in almost the same situation. We met last weekend - had a short date on Wed. and then another much longer evening Saturday. Not sure what to tell you since right now I am battling whether I should call him tonight or wait and see if he calls. I have some reservations with the differences in our lives - I have kids nearing their teens, taking courses at night and my life is busy. He is single, no kids and younger than me. I plan to take it slow - and scary as it is to admit - Alpha's advice sounds pretty good. (Right down to ok'ing the horizontal bop! )
Pyro Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 2Sunny, You definitely want to take it slow, but once a week is a little too slow IMO. You want this guy to think that you are interested in him and vice versa. If a female only wanted to see me once a week I would take that as though she is not all that interested in me.
Can'tGiveUp Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 2Sunny, You definitely want to take it slow, but once a week is a little too slow IMO. You want this guy to think that you are interested in him and vice versa. If a female only wanted to see me once a week I would take that as though she is not all that interested in me. Hmm...I disagree - only so far as what Alpha said was "for the first month or so". I think you take the month getting to know them, and at the same time maybe seeing how you can fit him in more. Like I said in my post above, I am almost at the same spot. Didn't have to worry too much about whether to call him as he called me. We have made a date for Saturday again. He knows I have a busy schedule with kids and all and some commitments that were made before we met. As we progress, then I will start to make plans with him during the week when I have free evenings. Of course, I will talk to him a couple of times on the phone before then. I think a lot of it is playing by ear, too. This dating thing is hard to get back into!
D-Lish Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 nah- being busy and having a life is way more attractive than sitting by the phone waiting for him to call... Any man worth pursuing will respect your obligations and commitments. It's a fine line between playing hard to get and being way too available- neither of which is attractive. I went through the marriage break up- being with someone for ten years and then found myself being thrust into this crazy dating scene. It really is a new arena. I am 36, and I find that my dating picks are usually in the 28-33 age range. It feels weird to be going back to this. I am seeing a 29 year old right now- and we are from completely different worlds. He STILL lives at home with his parents and works in retail, and I am established and independant.... running a business, etc. It will all seem strange at first- but you'll get the hang of it. Is this your first contact since the divorce? Take it slow- allow yourself to be vulnerable when the time is right. I think that if you really like someone that seeing one another every 4 days to begin with is alright. Good luck- once you get the hang of it, dating is fun. D
Pyro Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Hmm...I disagree - only so far as what Alpha said was "for the first month or so". I think you take the month getting to know them, and at the same time maybe seeing how you can fit him in more. Like I said in my post above, I am almost at the same spot. Didn't have to worry too much about whether to call him as he called me. We have made a date for Saturday again. He knows I have a busy schedule with kids and all and some commitments that were made before we met. As we progress, then I will start to make plans with him during the week when I have free evenings. Of course, I will talk to him a couple of times on the phone before then. I think a lot of it is playing by ear, too. This dating thing is hard to get back into! I am just giving an opinion from a guys point of view, but if it is working for you, then more power to you. I guess that seeing the person once a week could work as long as some nice conversations on the phone were to occur between each get together, although if I were truly interested in someone then I would make it more often than once a week, but we are all different.
JCD Posted May 9, 2007 Posted May 9, 2007 Don't play games ie. appear to be busy when you're not to play hard to get. Try to be available to him so he doesn't think you're not too into him. I would keep phone convos to bare minimum, ie. setting up dates and leave talking to face to face. I can put up with kids being her priority up to a point but not more. Anyways, relationships should be 50/50 so if you're lagging like putting only 20% into it, up it to 50%. Also, discuss things openly and with honesty because in the beginning when you don't know each other that well, every little negative thing can seem to be a major red flag. If a guy likes you, he will put aside his hobbies to be with you having a fun time together, otherwise why bother to have a g/f?
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