hanna&hunter Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Throughout the duration of our year and a half long relationship, I was very insecure and always sought acceptance from guys other than Hunter, simply because I thought there was strength in numbers. Hunter should have been all I needed, but his attention never seemed to be enough. He got so angry at me whenever I would talk to those guys or hang out with them, and I thought he was just being possessive and unreasonable, but I was really at fault all along. If the shoe were on the other foot, I'd feel just as betrayed. I was just so selfish and stupid. I was convinced that I had to have guys trailing after me to feel good about myself, when all I really need is just Hunter. Now the shoe is on the other foot, and the pain is absolutely unimaginable. I find it hard to believe he ever put up with all my crap the way he did, and the way he must have felt for a year and a half. I can't reverse all my mistakes, as much as I wish I could, and he won't forgive me. He won't accept a single apology, and I can't blame him. He's been vengeful and spiteful, and is already speaking to another girl. I can't blame him for that either. I really had it coming. Now I know exactly what he wants in a relationship, and I can give that to him. I'm pretty sure that other girl can't. But he doesn't even know if he wants to be with me anymore after all of the pain I've caused him. I feel absolutely horrible, and he won't believe a word that comes out of my mouth. Who can blame him? What is the best course of action at this point? If I wait it out, he may just focus all his attentions on the other girl. If I continue nagging at him to understand how I've changed it just might irritate him to the point of not wanting to get back together at all. How can I heal his pain? How can I make him see? I have 20 days before she returns. Convincing Hunter will be twice as hard when she's here, and it's very difficult and painful as it is. Do I have time? Am I too late?
Megakurth Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 hey, sorry for what happened to you. Your story actually sounds abit similar to mine, although I would be the guy role sorta. My ex and I went out for a year and a half. For the last 2 months or so she had been hanging with this other guy alot. It made me jealous and I did not know what his intentions were. She didn't seem to see anything wrong with it, but at the same time she realized that if the shoe were on the other foot she would be upset. Unfortunately, this wasn't enough for her, because she dumped me. Maybe she will eventually realize what she did wasn't right either. I have yet to be seeing other women or anything (finals and the fact that im going home), but I feel like if she did eventually realize it, we could eventually re-establish our relationship. Unfortunately, if your bf is being very angry towards you, he may be doing it as a vengeance because he wants to show you how much you hurt him. I wish I could do that to my ex, but at the same time, I would not want to hurt her or anything. Im giving her space right now, pretty much doing the no contact. That might be the best for you as well. Give him a chance to maybe realize what hes doing now and for your sake, I hope he has a change of heart. If it doesn't work out though, just be prepared to move on anyway, show him that you're willing to, that might spark a change of heart. If you get a chance, maybe drop a post on my story as well if you got any advice. Hope I maybe helped a little bit.
Author hanna&hunter Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 I don't know what to do. If I stop talking to him altogether, I doubt he'd sit around and miss me or see what I'm doing for him. He'd probably just cut me out of his life and focus on the other girl. But that's my guess. He never says anything to me directly. He gives me a sense of hope but never any real hope. Like if I ask if we'll ever get back together, he just says "I don't know." And if I ask what he's going to do, he says "It would hurt to be with you but probably hurt just as much without you." So I mean, what the hell? I'm in limbo. I often wonder if he's just stringing me along to hurt me so that he can get his revenge, and never really has any intention of getting back together with me. The way he's been hurting me on purpose is really making him out to look like that's his only goal. "Crush her the way she crushed me, then leave her in the dust and screw this other chick." I can understand why he'd want me to feel his pain, but is it just so I'd never do it again and he can get back with me, or is it just because he can't stand me and wants me to be heartbroken? I have no idea. He never gives me a straight answer.
Megakurth Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I don't think there ever is a straight answer. Unfortunately, I wish I could be talking to my ex like that, but I feel like its still too early and nows not the time to even really be talking in general. I plan on IMing her maybe during the summer just to say Hi and that things are going well, asking how things are with her, then well im going to the beach or something, cya later, etc. Im gonna let her know that im still gonna have a good time without her. She never gave me a straight answer on why she left me, or what made her feel unhappy, so im not gonna give her the benefit of the doubt that im thinkin about her all the time anymore. Im gonna let her know that we can one day be good friends and let it go from there. The best thing to do might be when you do have convo, keep it short and simple. If it begins to get more indepth over time, still keep your ground and maybe subtely bring things up. You might just need to get up, start your day, flirt with people, and just think about the other person less. Its hard and Im not saying its any easier for me, but it seems like the best way to stop thinking is to get out there and just do what you can and do what you need to do. If hes gonna be fooling around or whatever, don't let him see you hurt by it. Go out and do the same if you need to, or just go out and have a good time. Revenge on both sides isn't always a good thing, but at least it might show him that hes not gonna take vengeance on you.
kepners Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 great advice mega! NOT... yeah she does that she will NEVER get him! you say sorry and you say sorry in a way you would never ever say it to him. they way with no fronting and girly bull**** and you talk from teh heart and you tell him YOUR NEVER GIVING UP ON HIM AND US! and you tell it tohis face. and you say that your utter disgusted with yourself that you have hurt and lost the most pricious thing in ur life... and on and on you talk from the heart. becasue this islast chance salon time! so babe you chase him! you show him how much you want him!!! you chase him how he chased you!!!! roles are reversed here baby, and you need to get him. my advise is you slip up once more like this and he will be gone. so you had best mean it. YOU tell him YOU WANT HIM, and NO other woman is taking you away from ME! trust me honey, this will prick his ears, you keep saying it, and be totally focus on the goal which is getting the hunter.. "the hunter becomes the HUNTED!" you go and get him... that whole bull**** about making him jealous is utter bollox in this situation. because u have lost him doing that confirms to him your an utter tramp who cares about how you feel and not him! which is totally what caused this, you being selfish!
Author hanna&hunter Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 All the advice I've gotten so far is good, but I think I'll take bits and pieces from both of your suggestions. I will do the sincere apology bit, although I'm not so sure I will touch his heart, I'm going to try. And at the same time, I'll watch what I say to him and try not to beg too much. I think I'll just tell him how exactly I feel, and just how strong my feelings are, and then leave that to rattle around in his brain for a while. How's that sound? Thanks to both. Still more advice is appreciated.
Megakurth Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 that just might wind up scaring him off abit more. Im saying it from a guys perspective. I want my ex, I told her how much I want her, she said she knows and is sorry but can't feel that way right now. Thats why minimal or no contact is best. Shes going home for the summer, im going home for the summer. Im gonna let my ex realize what she had in me and if it still isn't important to her, then whatever. Theres no point in her being unhappy with me just so im happy. Everyone needs space. Sometimes people don't realize whats lost until its gone. What she needs to do is back off the ex for a while, give him the time he needs to decide, and leave it at that. If you stalk or follow the person, or beg.. it usually won't do any good.
LakesideDream Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Hanna, It sounds like you have a pretty non-confrontational guy there. He let you have your own way when you were out strutting your stuff attracting other men, and now he's unable to deal with the finality of the current situation. I know about this from both sides. 50 years as an Alpha male that faced every problem and barrier chest out, head up ready for anything. Since my divorce (almost 7 years ago) I have become non-confrontational with women, not out of fear, out of ambevilance. When a problem comes up that "could" be a deal breaker with a woman, I let it be a deal breaker. Frankly I just don't have the gumption to fight through the "medium" problems, oh... and I don't argue at all, never. Sounds like for whatever reason that Hunter has reached the same spot. If you really care, I would suggest staying positive, and keep communicating to him that you love him, and want to be with him forever... of course, you take on a huge responsibility by doing that.
kepners Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 lakeside my point exactly. your not going to get him acting like a whore dressing like a whore but then say i know the errors of my ways....
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