sweetscarlet Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I'm curious what people think on this..... What does it say about a man who needs to have several female partners and/or new ones all the time? I'm not talking about young men (so let's say over 30 years old). I have a hard time understanding why someone would want all of these little "relationships" going on at once. And I don't understand how someone can switch from one person to another so easily. My other question is, what does it say about the women who are involved with these men and know that they are involved with others? (and in the examples I'm giving, they DO know he is physically involved with others) Do the women think that they will be the one to change him? Do they just not care? How do these women stay detached? How do they engage in intimacy without feeling anything?
Mary Magdalene Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Your questions seem to imply you're looking for a certain answer to validate your own thoughts. What are YOUR thoughts on the matter? As for the first question: I think simply means that he doesn't want to (or isn't ready to) commit to any of the women he's dating. Your question about the women presupposes that they are only dating one guy. If the women are dating more than one guy, and the guy is dating more than one woman, where's the problem? Your entire scenario is analogous to the show The Bachelor, if you think about it.
Author sweetscarlet Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 Your questions seem to imply you're looking for a certain answer to validate your own thoughts. What are YOUR thoughts on the matter? I'm not trying to validate my thoughts here. I am trying to understand how people think when they're in these types of relationships. I wouldn't mind being more detached in any relationship actually. Although, it's weird, I get told I'm distant by most at the beginning, but yet once I get attached, I get too attached. However, it seems I only get attached to the ones who don't want attachment. Confusing, huh? Your question about the women presupposes that they are only dating one guy. If the women are dating more than one guy, and the guy is dating more than one woman, where's the problem? The "problem" is how do people stay unattached being physically involved with several people?
Lizzie60 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 What does it say about a man who needs to have several female partners and/or new ones all the time? I'm not talking about young men (so let's say over 30 years old). I really don't see anything unusual about wanting several sexual partners, either for males or females. I have a hard time understanding why someone would want all of these little "relationships" going on at once. And I don't understand how someone can switch from one person to another so easily. There is nothing to understand, each person has their own way with managing their relationships. I don't have enough fingers to count all the 'little relationships' (as you called them) that I'm having right now... My other question is, what does it say about the women who are involved with these men and know that they are involved with others? (and in the examples I'm giving, they DO know he is physically involved with others) I have absolutely no problem with them being involved with other women, I am involved with other men and they know it.. no big deal. Do the women think that they will be the one to change him? Do they just not care? How do these women stay detached? How do they engage in intimacy without feeling anything? I am not trying to change anyone... and I hope they're not expecting me to change...LOL How we stay detached... I don't have the answer, maybe it's the different level of love I guess... We don't engage in intimacy without feeling anything... we do feel some kind of physical attraction otherwise it woulnd't be possible.
kepners Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 i have many friends who are.... in there 30's that do this. they are doormen... now, the women young or old all think that this man is more attractive than he is. and he makes them think this by coming on to them and but saying that he's seeing someone. these women think he must be amazing because he likes me but all these other women like him... the younger ones try to change them the older ones just dont say anything and put up with what they are given. some try to buy the attention... but they all want the same thing... the MAN.
justpassingthrough Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 i have many friends who are.... in there 30's that do this. they are doormen... now, the women young or old all think that this man is more attractive than he is. and he makes them think this by coming on to them and but saying that he's seeing someone. these women think he must be amazing because he likes me but all these other women like him... the younger ones try to change them the older ones just dont say anything and put up with what they are given. some try to buy the attention... but they all want the same thing... the MAN. This is also known as "Drink 'til he's cute."
kepners Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 haha if only it where true... its the way it works. i dont know how they do it.
Trialbyfire Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 This is also known as "Drink 'til he's cute." :lmao: :lmao: I'm dying laughing here.
norajane Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 What does it say about a man who needs to have several female partners and/or new ones all the time? I'm not talking about young men (so let's say over 30 years old). I have a hard time understanding why someone would want all of these little "relationships" going on at once. And I don't understand how someone can switch from one person to another so easily. Men who don't want to commit, or who don't want to commit to any of those specific women do this. They can switch back and forth because they aren't particularly into any of them or they're only partially into them for specific reasons, and they compartmentalize easily. It's like you might be with your friends - just because you go to the movies with one tonight, doesn't mean you can't enjoy dinner tomorrow night with a different friend. Also, they might enjoy each woman for specific reasons...Angela because she's beautiful and he likes to show her off on his arm when they go out, Barbara because she's sporty and they can bike ride and go rock climbing together, Christine because she's funny and a great cook and he likes hanging out at home watching DVD's cuddling on the couch with her, and Danielle because she's a sexual dynamo. They might one day meet an 'all-purpose' woman and drop the rest, or maybe they don't even want that if they like this lifestyle of having multiple women to satisfy all their needs and wants. My other question is, what does it say about the women who are involved with these men and know that they are involved with others? (and in the examples I'm giving, they DO know he is physically involved with others) Do the women think that they will be the one to change him? Do they just not care? How do these women stay detached? How do they engage in intimacy without feeling anything?They might be seeing multiple people as well, or they might not be totally into him but are just dating to date. Some women can't be without a man for any length of time. Other women aren't looking for a commitment - not all women are.
Author sweetscarlet Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 Men who don't want to commit, or who don't want to commit to any of those specific women do this. They can switch back and forth because they aren't particularly into any of them or they're only partially into them for specific reasons, and they compartmentalize easily. It's like you might be with your friends - just because you go to the movies with one tonight, doesn't mean you can't enjoy dinner tomorrow night with a different friend. Thanks Norajane, this made it really understandable. It makes a lot of sense now. They might be seeing multiple people as well, or they might not be totally into him but are just dating to date. Some women can't be without a man for any length of time. Other women aren't looking for a commitment - not all women are. The reason that I asked that question is that women are likely to get attached to men and supposedly there's a chemical reason for it even. I can understand seeing multiple people as I do that myself but I can't sleep with multiple people. And besides, there are so very few that ever strike me enough that I want to go that far with.
Author sweetscarlet Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 There is nothing to understand, each person has their own way with managing their relationships. I don't have enough fingers to count all the 'little relationships' (as you called them) that I'm having right now... I guess everyone is different in whom they choose because it's rare for me to find a guy whom I find enough chemistry with to want to sleep with. Therefore, it'd be difficult to be sleeping with many people at once. I have absolutely no problem with them being involved with other women, I am involved with other men and they know it.. no big deal. So then you don't see it as intimacy? I am not trying to change anyone... and I hope they're not expecting me to change...LOL How we stay detached... I don't have the answer, maybe it's the different level of love I guess... We don't engage in intimacy without feeling anything... we do feel some kind of physical attraction otherwise it woulnd't be possible. When I meant without feeling anything, I meant any emotions. Doesn't it bother you not to feel special?
Shizz Posted May 18, 2007 Posted May 18, 2007 We often seem to forget that humans are weird biologically. Why do people have multiple relationships/partners. Well this is mainly biological and historical, and something I think is somewhat hard wired into humans, which has to do with survival of the species. more partners, mean more children, more children allow larger amounts of children allow for more to survive into adulthood, etc. sort of like 1+1=2x2= 4 1+4x2=10 As for a womans acceptence of a male partner having multiple partners, I couldn't really say, but its not uncommon and sort of falls back to the same survival scenario. Pre-historic and many historic cultures were polygamist. Again I don't know, I've only just started learning about human sexual pyschology, so my information is limited.
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