AriaIncognito Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I'm on day 28 of NC with the ex. Last contact we had was me texting him telling him to let me go since he didn't know how to make me happy and pursue his own needs. He has done this. Last night I wrote in my blog and he left a comment on it. He's never done this in the past so I can't say I know what drove him to do it now. Maybe he's lonely. Maybe he misses me a little. Who knows. I do know that I shouldn't contact him back, though I do want to. If I contacted him back I'd want to ask him how his life is, and well, that's something i can't be concerned with while trying to get over him. So, here I am, staring at the comment, knowing there's no way I should reply. But boy did it raise questions in my head about where he's at 28 days later. I hope I'm doing the right thing.
Yamaha Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Most definately. He probably wrote the comment hoping you will respond.
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 You could be right, Yamaha. That is what does tear me up a little I think, because well, of course I'd love to get back together, should his head be in the right place. But I guess it's like others have said, if someone wants to find a way back into your life, they wouldn't stop after 1 unreplied message. So I need to just keep on trusting that there's a reason for all this, regardless of understanding it now. It's just a little rough, when you've wanted to contact them... Trying to stay strong though.
Teacher's Pet Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Remember something.... The last couple of times you guys "took a break", somehow he "sucked you back in", and in the end, he never changed. I just hope this isn't his way of sucking you back in again..... I don't want to see you get hurt AGAIN by him. He might be "testing" your resolve by posting a comment...... This is why I don't trust short people. LOL Stay strong... your birthday is coming up VERY soon, and I'm going to be taking my liver out of retirement just for you, my dear! -tp sometimes misses his drunken days.
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 Not that I'm defending anything, but it was I who sucked myself back in those other times, by initiating contact in some way. Of course he could do the same thing by sucking me into contact, so yes, I'm aware of that. He is short, and he shouldn't be trusted, but I'm not sure there's any connection to that... As for my bday, we might be going rollerskating. Don't think you have to worry about drinking LOL. I can't find anything to do up in your area in terms of dancing, so it might be skating. I need to figure it out. He probably meant nothing of the comment. He's probably content, dating again off his dating site. He probably just wanted to make a comment. I shouldn't read anything into it, and don't see it as any sort of door opening. Of course I could be totally wrong and he could be miserable without me, but well, that's his own fault. He had his shot and decided not to take it. If he did indeed want me back, he'd need to prove himself. One comment doesn't do that.
MagnoliaJane Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Aria, One swallow doesn't make a summer. I'm sure he's fishing, but for what...? Might be to see if he still holds some power over you in that way. He might be genuinly lonely. But so what? I know you hold him dearly and miss him, but he can't weasle his way back into your life with one comment... I know you know all this but want to help you stand your ground. If this man loves you he should match up to all the patience you've put in the relationship so far... I just think that... some patterns are so settled that they can't be changed. Is he proactive about other things in his life? Is he passive agressive in general? Maybe it's time to withdraw a little more and retreat a while from writing on your blog? That is working for me. I don't even have a cell phone anymore lol (so I won't be waiting for the call that doesn't come). It has allowed me to detach myself emotionally from him. Hang in there! -MJ
Island Girl Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 If he did indeed want me back, he'd need to prove himself. One comment doesn't do that. Exactly. Talk is cheap - one comment is nothing. You know what you are doing. Your head is in the right place it is your heart that leaves you with the questions. DAMN HEART!!
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 Aria, One swallow doesn't make a summer. I'm sure he's fishing, but for what...? Might be to see if he still holds some power over you in that way. He might be genuinly lonely. But so what? I know you hold him dearly and miss him, but he can't weasle his way back into your life with one comment... I know you know all this but want to help you stand your ground. If this man loves you he should match up to all the patience you've put in the relationship so far... I just think that... some patterns are so settled that they can't be changed. Is he proactive about other things in his life? Is he passive agressive in general? Maybe it's time to withdraw a little more and retreat a while from writing on your blog? That is working for me. I don't even have a cell phone anymore lol (so I won't be waiting for the call that doesn't come). It has allowed me to detach myself emotionally from him. Hang in there! -MJ I don't post all that often to my blog to begin with, and to be honest, I can make it so he doesn't read it, if his commenting bothers me. He just never commented before, and I've posted things more comment worthy than what I posted last night (like the post all about my vacation and all the time I spent with Joe over that vacation...lol). You'd think if anything sparked anything it would have been that. This post was just about a college reunion thing i attended yesterday. Who knows. You are all correct though, if he does indeed want to be in my life, in any form ever again, he'll need to do a lot of proving and es'plaining.
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 Exactly. Talk is cheap - one comment is nothing. You know what you are doing. Your head is in the right place it is your heart that leaves you with the questions. DAMN HEART!! My heart sucks. It's the reason I still think of him at all... My brain tells me I deserve someone who is willing to be an equal partner, and he's never done a thing to prove he can be that.
Teacher's Pet Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 As for my bday, we might be going rollerskating. Don't think you have to worry about drinking LOL. I can't find anything to do up in your area in terms of dancing, so it might be skating. I need to figure it out. ROLLERSKATING? Ever see a fat guy on rollerskates? Ever see that episode of the Honeymooners when they went skating? I'll go, but I hope this place has good video games. lol -tp meals, not wheels
Teacher's Pet Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 One swallow doesn't make a summer. It would certainly make mine. -tp see what i did there?
Teacher's Pet Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 if he does indeed want to be in my life, in any form ever again, he'll need to do a lot of proving and es'plaining. And of course, you'll have to keep him on a SHORT leash. heh heh heh -tp see what i did, again?
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 ROLLERSKATING? Ever see a fat guy on rollerskates? Ever see that episode of the Honeymooners when they went skating? I'll go, but I hope this place has good video games. lol -tp meals, not wheels Well, Woodbridge has more video games than Florham Park. I dont remember what they had at Florham Park. I have seen that honeymooners, it was entertaining lol. I wanted to go dancing, but i literally can't find somewhere that's in an area we'd need to be and doesn't have a crappy band. Seriously. I dont wanna do karaoke since we are doing that this weekend. Gr! It's hard. So I don't know, seems like it might be rollerskating, but then i know there are some that dont skate. It's impossible to please people, and it's my friggin birthday lol. I dont know why i'm worried about it. I still wanna reply to his comment. Grrrr. Definitely hard when you miss someone, to ignore contact, no matter how small. (see what i did there? lol)
Teacher's Pet Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 It's impossible to please people, and it's my friggin birthday lol. I dont know why i'm worried about it. I still wanna reply to his comment. Grrrr. Definitely hard when you miss someone, to ignore contact, no matter how small. (see what i did there? lol) Oh, stop. You've been pleasing me since the day I met ya. Now let's see how many people take that out of context. And yes, I saw what you did there. I'm rubbing off on ya. And again, let's see that taken out of context. -tp verbal tease
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 Oh, stop. You've been pleasing me since the day I met ya. Now let's see how many people take that out of context. And yes, I saw what you did there. I'm rubbing off on ya. And again, let's see that taken out of context. -tp verbal tease Better stop that talk, Ariadne will assume we are gonna get married again...LOL Ain't nobody rubbing anything on me except Jewelie. (my cat for those who don't know). She has her way with me whenever she wants. (talk about taking things out of context ...lol)
Teacher's Pet Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 Better stop that talk, Ariadne will assume we are gonna get married again...LOL Ain't nobody rubbing anything on me except Jewelie. (my cat for those who don't know). She has her way with me whenever she wants. (talk about taking things out of context ...lol) Married, ha! I can't get sex out of you now as it is! Ya think I'm gonna marry you and it'll change everything? At least if we got married, you wouldn't have to worry too much about me cheating on you, because I'd be home online all the time. Well, except when we're having naked sweaty sex. -tp like Peter from Family Guy, and still looking for his Lois.
Teacher's Pet Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 But, ya know... You COULD do worse than me. Hell, you already have! haha :) For that matter, we BOTH have. -tp no ring on THIS finger, honey!
MagnoliaJane Posted May 7, 2007 Posted May 7, 2007 I still wanna reply to his comment. Grrrr. Definitely hard when you miss someone, to ignore contact, no matter how small. (see what i did there? lol) Aria, If you have to, really have to, reply to his message in a business-like polite tone (that helped with me). It didn't get me anywhere though (I mean, in the end, our exes are who they are -our exes - broken up with us). The ex I know is now happily fishing for 18 year olds on a dating site (he's 44, does that say enough?). Life quality improves the day you say stop to all his ambivalence, indecisiveness, etc. I just got sick of it. One day I woke up and noticed how short life is. Too short to be somebody's shrink, mommy, sister, whatever but equal partner. -MJ
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 Aria, If you have to, really have to, reply to his message in a business-like polite tone (that helped with me). It didn't get me anywhere though (I mean, in the end, our exes are who they are -our exes - broken up with us). The ex I know is now happily fishing for 18 year olds on a dating site (he's 44, does that say enough?). Life quality improves the day you say stop to all his ambivalence, indecisiveness, etc. I just got sick of it. One day I woke up and noticed how short life is. Too short to be somebody's shrink, mommy, sister, whatever but equal partner. -MJ I thought about doing as you said, but if I reply at all, it could open the door to email or IM or whatever. At this point, if he can't be what I want him to be, I dont want to have him back in any capacity. Someday once I've moved on maybe I'll contact him to be friends, as he didn't want to lose the friendship either, but right now, not happening for me.
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 10:36pm on day 29 and i'm doing ok so far. haven't even done my usual looking for him hehe. I had a really insanely busy day at work, which was totally awesome for me. Then i came home and got busy here too. Nice to be distracted for a while. Maybe I can go all of today without looking....hahaha. We'll see.
MagnoliaJane Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Great to hear you're doing good. I unfortunately checked his personals yesterday (bah) but then looked around to others and saw some cute scientist (haha). It did me good to see there's life after an obsession. Keep on hanging in there, we're all in the same boat you know...
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 We're all in the same boat.....and oh look, "iceburg right ahead!". hehe Sorry, I had to. Oh, I checked his too, just now. But oh well, what's a girl to do. At least I didn't check it 349284209348 like usual LOL. It's the little things...
Teacher's Pet Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 It's the little things... I told you to stop thinking about him! -tp see what I did THERE? hahahaha
Author AriaIncognito Posted May 11, 2007 Author Posted May 11, 2007 I guess I'm here to document how truly up and down you feel when on NC. Today is day I dont know, 33 i think? I feel truly down. And I've felt this way a few days now. I've almost broken down and made contact a few times. I've been dreaming about reconcilation. I've been making up all these scenarios about when/where he'll profess his love for me for the first time. Etc. It truly does suck. I guess it's because our birthdays are coming up next friday and saturday. It's really making me want to extend an olive branch. I know that's not a good idea, but my heart still doesn't give a crap. Off to start day 33 of this emotional rollercoaster.
Teacher's Pet Posted May 11, 2007 Posted May 11, 2007 It's really making me want to extend an olive branch. I know that's not a good idea, but my heart still doesn't give a crap. The only thing you need to "extend" to him is a kick in the nuts, for the way he's made you feel. You HAVE to remember that you CAN and WILL do better, my sweet! Next Friday, while he's blowing out his own candles (or whatever/whomever he winds up blowing - haha - see what I did there?).... you'll be out with people who love and adore you... like me! You are doing GREAT, I am so proud of you!! :) :) xoxoxoxoxoxo :) :) :) -tp Ariawoman's personal NC trainer.
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