Atlanta Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 So, here I am... I brokeup with my boyfriend a bit more than 1 month ago and I am wrecked. To be precise, HE broke up with me. usual things.... "I love you but not enough"..."it's not me, it's you" story..; "you deserve something better", ecc. It's the first time it happens to me, and I am not that young.. well that helps in the sense that being in my thirties (the wrong side of the 30s I can try to understand and grow from it. the poitn is, that this was a very worthy man, and I KNOW it was me that screwed it up with my neediness and insecurities... and besides that..guys... I really don't know how to behave like a woman!!! I am not flirty at all, I am always very reasonable, nice and good (one of the thing he told me: "you are too nice...it turns me off. and besides, I need a woman that can stand up for herself and tell me when I am wrong"). I need help from you wise put there, to learn how to be more feminine first... and also to understand if it's worth it pursuing him & how can I get him back. I feel as if I ruined something with a very worthy person, and I love him!!! help...
Guest Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Atlanta, I'm not sure that you really want him back. He may seem like a great catch but he didn't appreciate your "niceness". What should have been an asset was a turn off for him. You speak of your neediness, yet, there is nothing wrong with being emotional and crying from time to time. That is who you are and if a guy can't deal with that then he isn't worth having. Marriage involves a journey down a road with many bumps, twists and turns. You need someone strong who will stand beside you, especially when you are emotional and things aren't perfect. He does not sound mature enough to do that for you. I, personally, would not try to get him back because you will only seem needy to him again and you will end up embarrassing yourself. Besides, you spent the time that you dated him, basically, interviewing him for the ultimate job (marriage). By breaking up with you, he is demonstrating the fact that he is unable to commit. Not a good candidate for the job - it's time to move on to the the next one because, in my opinion, he flunked the interview.
hanna&hunter Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 No one can ever be "too nice." That's an awfully crappy excuse. It's not a bad thing to be agreeable and not try to dominate the relationship. You still have to be yourself, and stand up for yourself, but it sounds like he just wants to pick fights. Is he into angry sex, or something? Sheesh. I don't think this guy was really worth your time if he can say those kinds of things to you. But then, everyone's relationship is different, and you know him better than I do. That's just my two cents from a bystander's point of view.
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