Author eroche Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 Thx for the last two posts. 2 more: But what is the story of expressing strong love to me , telling all etc. She does that just until lately. Is it just guilt? I mean how much can you fake? last q: I have taken the safetynet away. Left our house, she is staying with parents etc, what reactions would you expect of her so i can prepare myself
Ladyjane14 Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 But what is the story of expressing strong love to me , telling all etc. She does that just until lately. Is it just guilt? I mean how much can you fake? I've noticed that cheaters often express a sense of "confusion". Personally, I don't think they are all that confused. I think they just want two different lovers and don't know how to get what they want. It sounds like you two had a fairly good relationship before your wife's affair. She wouldn't have wanted to give that up, but at the same time... it turns out she was unwilling to give up the OM either. I don't believe these expressions of "strong love" are a manipulative lie, told to you in order to gain your trust or cooperation. Rather I think that there's "the truth"... and then there's "the truth of the moment". The best salesman believes in his/her product. So too, the best liar believe his/her lie. She probably did believe her words. She might even sincerely love you, at least by whatever definition she uses for "love". Unfortunately, not everyone understands what love is. Too many people mistake infatuation for true love. I have taken the safetynet away. Left our house, she is staying with parents etc, what reactions would you expect of her so i can prepare myself Depending on her temperament, it's possible to see at least an initial burst of strong anger. She'll probably try to blame at least some of her choices on you or the marriage. She might express her emotions either by yelling at you or by ignoring you. After she settles down.... cheaters usually at least try to make a "friend" out of you at some point. It assuages their sense of guilt... and they REALLY do love that old "safety net". If she can keep you on the backburner until she's sure of the OM, she will.
Author eroche Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 She got confronted. By her parents Once i was told her love was not bigger then the one she felt for him, she adviced that she did love me alot for many years, got that via sms. but she said that the betrayel was nothing to do with me but her own self destruction. Later she said in an sms, that she did lie, but not about not loving me and finally didnt want to be mean and if i needed anything.. jesus..we were closing this down in a final confrontation. And she is till playing reverse psycology... what a ^&^*&^*&..now totally ignore...enough
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 14, 2007 Posted May 14, 2007 Well at least you know that it wasnt your fault and she did you dirty, and her family knows. It becomes public knowledge, You walk away mentally battered but still unscathed. I think she does love you but is possibly right now saying she truly regrets what she did. It's not reverse psych. it's possibly the truth. but that's not important. What is important is that you forge ahead, and live fr yourself. They'll be other women you'll meet. I know of a few that's actually faithful, So there's hope and to me your on the right path. She knows what she did was wrong, the best thing for her is to give you a sincere apology and seperate as nicely as possible to avoid the pain. It's all good, keep moving E.
Author eroche Posted May 14, 2007 Author Posted May 14, 2007 Thx crome..well shge send more messages which i then ignored. Messages like, I know u hate me and u should etc...please let me support you etc etc.. She has tried to call many times. I have feeling this will not stop., I will ignore from now on. She has made a clear step. So have I. I dont agree that she loves me. thats got to be the biggest joke. Sorry crome, but she doesnt. Lets see how far she will go
Author eroche Posted May 15, 2007 Author Posted May 15, 2007 I think you can ignore the last message. Was bit from a hurt man. Will plan the divorce. And I want it done nicely. I actually faced her and discussed it. And as you all have said all the time, she actually doesnt want a divorce. She is scared of what she is facing, scared of loosing me, and scared of being alone. Hence we still dicussed conditions. Crome, you were right, she does love me but she has chosen because she still feels something in her heart which stronger, the in love for this guy, then to bring higher for the love she feels for me. We were both crying because it wasnt easy. I told her what I truly thought of the wrong what she did and explained the effect they both have created. All the people being involved. All the people being hurt and damaged. They are now truly both aware of this or at least going to soon. Well, I am glad that I am not in their shoes. I dont know if I could be in love still and just think that if they are together, she doesnt want to move in with him and start a long term relationship, no friends not family will greet them as a normal 2 single couple. Not the fact of visiting all families, friends for dinners. Even if it was hard I told her that she soon was to be free. To go on with her new life. And maybe find better happiness. I also to work on foregiveness. Hate doesnt just work for me. I advised her to speak to her father for the divorce details and look how it works. We also spoke what to do with the house. She doesnt want it it sold, because she will then have to take a decision where to live. And that wil not be where he lives.The effect and consequences are now creeping in. We did talk and we both missed eachother a lot. She has been thinking about me quite a lot lately. Although I did make her clear that once our lives are seperated we would not be friends any longer. This she feared and asked even if she would come alone, I said no. She destroyed also the friendship by the very unfair act. We had a moment again, our old moment. It was like we were back again. It was like the bond was back, so to speak, I did. I told her that and she replied she was too sad to be feel home right now. Thinking how sad that what she did, was newer realised of the damage and effect. newer realised that if she had worked on our relationship, I should be the one who she should be in love with. She went in with open eyes. The wakeup period is now starting. I am waking up every morning with a loss. And its clearly folks, affairs does damage. Takes love away where it supposed to be. Giving no one a chance. And has permenant effect on people. Just because someone couldnt handle a relationship due too many factors. The guy divorced his wife already. Did that very quickly. Gee, he has to kids under 5. He is ready to fight for which he did. And he got her. She is going to be with someone who left two kids. I now wake up with an empty heart. Hope that dissapears soon
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 No E, what I mean to say is that. I say she loves you in the love sense but she desires more. And her desires are winning over her rational mind. Like I had an ex-girl who loved me deeply and I know that but she wanted to sleep around and experience more and have more of the salacious memories. I found it hard to stomach but I understood. I understand how a person can love someone but desire more. I only ask that the woman love and desire only me!!! If she cant do that while I'm being faithful to her then she doesnt understand the meaning of a committed relationship and or marriage. I think the more you keep hitting her in the head with the inevitable reality of the situation the more some of that fog blows away from her mind. But hey you gotta do what must be done. Your doing great and keep on this path, her issues she needs to solve in life on her own. Maybe one day maybe after all the dust is settled and all the pain has subsided, maybe y'all can get re-married?!? Crazy as it sounds, lol. But I myself never goes backwards in life, and that includes former flames. It would take a miracle for me to even try to take back an ex. But in some circumstances if a ex of mine split apart because she wanted a better job and wanted to leave the state then tha would be cool. I can accept that. But an down and dirty affair, that stomps the love out of you, emasculates you, disrespects you, humiliates you, Even as forgiving as I am I dont think I can come back from that.
Author eroche Posted May 16, 2007 Author Posted May 16, 2007 She doesnt want a divorce. And she can always delay it she said. The thing is, this is what I was told by friends, she is still struggling and is not at all happy. Not knowing the choice she has made is the right one by choosing him. In other words she is not sure of anything when it comes to having a relationship with him. Although she doesnt know if she can control her feelings when seeing him. Is this normal? Is this the part of the affair fog? Is this the awakening? She is even saying she now has me on her mind when she is with him. Although she has chosen for him. This is getting tougher then I thought.
Ladyjane14 Posted May 16, 2007 Posted May 16, 2007 She doesnt want a divorce. And she can always delay it she said. She can TRY to delay it. But... she can't MAKE you stay married to her. The thing is, this is what I was told by friends, she is still struggling and is not at all happy. Not knowing the choice she has made is the right one by choosing him. In other words she is not sure of anything when it comes to having a relationship with him. Although she doesnt know if she can control her feelings when seeing him. Is this normal? Is this the part of the affair fog? Is this the awakening? She is even saying she now has me on her mind when she is with him. Although she has chosen for him. Yes.. I think ambivalence is normal. And what could be more "foggy" than a woman thinking her HUSBAND is going to hang around waiting to see how her affair pans out??? There's no indication that she's emerging from "the fog". Bottom line is... she doesn't want to give up the "safety net" we talked about earlier. She wants to have a fall-back plan. You do NOT have to cooperate with that. In fact, I don't think you should. It only prolongs the angst and drama.
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