Prettyone Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I just had an affair with a MM that I am sick to death over. I have nothing but remorse and regret and emotional turmoil.I feel physically sick.Heres my story. We met on the internet about 6 months ago and he sought out and contacted me.He was very friendly at first and I didn't give it much thought until his contact with me became increasingly more and more each day. He would just leave me little messges about how his day was until he eventually started sharing how he felt with me in his life. Finally I asked him if he was married and he said yes but by this time from the constant IMing all day, e-mails and phone calls I was already pulled in.The thing that makes me sick is this thing started as an emotional affair.He said wonderfully promising things to me (before I knew he was married )and even made me think he could fall in love with me. So as horrible as it sounds we made arrangments to meet. If I could take this day back in my life I would. He traveled here to meet with me as he lives about 3 hours away.This meant he would stay in a hotel as we were going to dinner and planning on having drinks and driving back would not be an option.So we finally met over much anticipation and had a nice evening with lots of martiniis included.Of course passion and intensity ensued. The absolute biggest mistake of my life. As he walked me to my car the next morning he brought some of his things to his car which I had not seen as we were in walking distance from everywhere we went .I was in shock when I saw he drove a van equipped for a handicap person.I saw the inside of it when he was putting his things inside. As if it wasn't bad enough that I just had a night filled with unbridled passion with a married man ,unbeknownst to me his wife is apperantly in a wheelchair.A thousand questions ran through my mind as I was leaving and I didn't ask him at the moment he was saying goodbye to me if it indeed belong to his wife. He hugged me,kissed me pat me on the ass and said he would call me later.He still has not called and its been over a week. I don't even know what I would say to him at this point if I were to actually talk to him.He has IMd me asking me how my day is going but very briefly and then immediatly logs off.I have answered him with one word responses and kept him on my contact list becuase I DO NOT want him to know how devistated I am for doing this as I feel like it will give him a sense of satisfaction. I feel sick. It would be so easy to berate him (with really bad awful words) for not being honest with me about his reality. For all I know this could be an argreement between the both of them as she may not be able to have sex.I just want to leave this horrible situation with as much tact as possible and I don't not want him to know how upset I am.I will never see this man again but I can't seem to let go of how horrible I feel for being with a MM that has a wife that is possibly in a wheelchair. I guess I will never know the real truth.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
LakesideDream Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 "Sucked in" by a MM.. my arse. You knew exactly what you were doing. Dinner, Drinks, and sex. Why does his wife's physical disability bother you so much? You were absolutely willing to totally devestate her life by meeting her husband. You should be completely shrouded in shame. At this point you are just a homewrecking slut with a guilty conscience. Make it your business to stop this behavior.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 "Sucked in" by a MM.. my arse. You knew exactly what you were doing. Dinner, Drinks, and sex. Why does his wife's physical disability bother you so much? You were absolutely willing to totally devestate her life by meeting her husband. You should be completely shrouded in shame. At this point you are just a homewrecking slut with a guilty conscience. Make it your business to stop this behavior. LD rocks
FireandIce Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Are you married as well? You never mentioned a husband so if you are married then I think you have to sort things out at home (ie fess up to your hubby) before you worry about this other man. Why are you so sick about this now? Him having a wife didn't seem to matter to you until you saw the van with the wheelchair access thing. Now you're feeling guilty because she could possibly be handicapped? Sorry but you should have felt guilty long before you saw his van. If you truly don't want anything to do with this guy then block and erase him from you IM. It's really not that difficult. You don't owe him an explanation. IMO you want him to keep persuing you like he did in the past and that's what's bothering you right now. He's no longer after you like he was because let's face it, the chase is over. He got what he wanted and has gone back to his wife.
Author Prettyone Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 Are you married as well? You never mentioned a husband so if you are married then I think you have to sort things out at home (ie fess up to your hubby) before you worry about this other man. Why are you so sick about this now? Him having a wife didn't seem to matter to you until you saw the van with the wheelchair access thing. Now you're feeling guilty because she could possibly be handicapped? Sorry but you should have felt guilty long before you saw his van. If you truly don't want anything to do with this guy then block and erase him from you IM. It's really not that difficult. You don't owe him an explanation. IMO you want him to keep persuing you like he did in the past and that's what's bothering you right now. He's no longer after you like he was because let's face it, the chase is over. He got what he wanted and has gone back to his wife. I am not married. Gulit surrounds this whole thing.I felt it before we met. I erased him from contacting me in anyway last night.
Ladyjane14 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 It would be smart to get an STD screening. If this guy is picking up women on the internet... you might not have been the first. p.s. I just wanted to add that I've noticed a few married men refer to this kind of behavior, as well as that of utilizing "escort" services as a "hobby". This guy could've exposed you to LOTS of other sexual contacts.
FireandIce Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I am not married. Gulit surrounds this whole thing.I felt it before we met. I erased him from contacting me in anyway last night. If you felt guilty about it then why did you agree to meet him? You knew that it wouldn't turn out well right? Did he make you any promises about leaving his wife or anything like that? Anyways the best thing for you is what you did last night-- erased him from your IM. Just let it go and move on. He's married and obviously has no intentions on leaving his wife. Like someone else said, perhaps they have an arrangement of sorts but that is not something you want to get involved in. I also agree with LadyJane. Get tested. You never know how often this guy does these sorts of things.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 PrettyOne, Obviously you got in "above your head" you head on this one. I'ld like to focus on your expectations assuming the man you met on the net was "unmarried". You actually don't say whether you met him on a dating site or not. I seems very unrealistic to me to assume that you could establish a true relationship via the internet. Would it not make sense that a man you searches you down and persues you having never met you is looking for nothing but sex... a fling. The only way I could see that you could be blinded by this is that you must be dreaming of finding a prince charming. Prince Charmings aren't on the net looking for a peice of arse. Men who persue women they do not know over the net are not looking for L/T relationships and probably have a habbit of playing this game. Probably even have a score card at home! About this man's wife, if it hadn't been you it would have been someone else so get over your guilt about her. It is a very sad situation for her that isn't likely to change regardless of your involvement. Go persue your hobbies and hope to meet a man that way, stay off the net and away from men who cheat and lie, they are not worth your time and will ONLY bring you heart ache. Sorry for you pain, don't waste another minute on this man, he was using you for his own pleasure and could care less how you feel.
Chapter2 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Wow... I'm surprised at you LD... shaming people only drives them further into self destruction. Nice. There are healthy ways to speak your truth but I'm not sure tearing someone down, suggesting they wear a coat of shame and calling them a slut is going to make this poster want to change her ways. Real nice. You should be completely shrouded in shame. At this point you are just a homewrecking slut with a guilty conscience.
Author Prettyone Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 Wow... I'm surprised at you LD... shaming people only drives them further into self destruction. Nice. There are healthy ways to speak your truth but I'm not sure tearing someone down, suggesting they wear a coat of shame and calling them a slut is going to make this poster want to change her ways. Real nice. I have never done this before and I will never do this again. I have no interest getting invovled with anyone for a very long time.
kepners Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 chapter2 u made me laugh with your synopsis of the comments from LD, u must think that LD must have had this happen to them! anyway, to the orginal poster.... honey, u r awful, but!!! i am guessing your really ****ing lonely, and good looking, and want the attention from someone who says the words that you knew where lies, but didnt want to believe. now, he a married man, and i garantee he's done this MANY TIMES BEFORE! the fact you didnt ask about her isnt ur issue so much as both of your. i guess as you being single is reason not to think about it too much. but it could also have been for his KID!! remeber that honey, not all women are handicapped (well mentally maybe hehe) My best suggestion is you FIRE OFF AT HIM! then block him in true FIT WOMEN FASHION - u'll feel better for being nasty to HIM, cuz he was the one. you blaming yourself enough so u dont need to hear nasty things, i am assuming you are a lonely young woman. and boy can US MEN LIE!! we can give you the world if you want to believe! listen to LIAR - by henry rollins band says it all about us men
Author Prettyone Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 If you felt guilty about it then why did you agree to meet him? You knew that it wouldn't turn out well right? Did he make you any promises about leaving his wife or anything like that? Anyways the best thing for you is what you did last night-- erased him from your IM. Just let it go and move on. He's married and obviously has no intentions on leaving his wife. Like someone else said, perhaps they have an arrangement of sorts but that is not something you want to get involved in. I also agree with LadyJane. Get tested. You never know how often this guy does these sorts of things. I will most definetly.
Touche Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I have never done this before and I will never do this again. I have no interest getting invovled with anyone for a very long time. Don't let that creep be the reason for you to stop dating. Just next time, find out first if the man is single or not. And don't beat yourself up over this anymore. You obviously learned your lesson. We've all done stupid things we regret later.
Touche Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 spot on touche, thats how i see it. Thanks, kep and I hope you're doing better today.
Author Prettyone Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 I read the lyrics and its true. Thanks for your perspective.
kepners Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 touche, thank you for asking. No i am not ok, i miss her dearly but its a situation where only she can contact me. one day she may relise then again she may never see it. i do miss her so, i have only checked her profile out once today which is good... and no man crying today. which is good! hehe. tell me something touche, how on earth do you get privages on this site to ISTANT msg people etc!
Touche Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 touche, thank you for asking. No i am not ok, i miss her dearly but its a situation where only she can contact me. one day she may relise then again she may never see it. i do miss her so, i have only checked her profile out once today which is good... and no man crying today. which is good! hehe. tell me something touche, how on earth do you get privages on this site to ISTANT msg people etc! Do you mean PM (private messages?) You have to be on here for a certain amount of time and have certain amount of posts before you are given that privilege. As for instant messages, this site doesn't have that capability. Some members exchange their IM screen names and communicate that way. Check out your profile on here and check the option to be able to send/receive PM's. It will then be activated when you're eligible. Stop checking her profile...glad you didn't man cry! Hang in there, you'll be ok. Her loss, right? Judging by your crazy personality and cute picture, you'll have no problem finding someone better. Sorry for the hijack, Prettyone!
Author Prettyone Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 No worries Touche... And feel better K.
outofdarkness Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 This guy sounds like a predator...Listen to me please! DO NOT get sucked in by another guy online!!!!!!! Not only is is dangerous, but it's bad for you..It has to lower your self esteem to go online and meet guys..You sound intelligent and kind...DON"T let yourself get into a situation like this again..My H is a serial cheater and this is almost always how he met his OW's...I'm so sorry for your hurt. Try to move on and block any numbers, screen names, etc. that you have for him. Forgive yourself..and move on...Easier said then done, I'm sure, but I think you are one of the rare ones that truly is sorry for what you did...Good luck and God Bless
Author Prettyone Posted May 8, 2007 Author Posted May 8, 2007 This guy sounds like a predator...Listen to me please! DO NOT get sucked in by another guy online!!!!!!! Not only is is dangerous, but it's bad for you..It has to lower your self esteem to go online and meet guys..You sound intelligent and kind...DON"T let yourself get into a situation like this again..My H is a serial cheater and this is almost always how he met his OW's...I'm so sorry for your hurt. Try to move on and block any numbers, screen names, etc. that you have for him. Forgive yourself..and move on...Easier said then done, I'm sure, but I think you are one of the rare ones that truly is sorry for what you did...Good luck and God Bless Thank you. I am truly sorry.
Blue Eyed Angel Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 Okay first off, you seem like your truly remorseful for your actions. I really dont think that anyone needs to be insulting or call you names. Come on people, be more rude. Anyway, I think that this is definitely a sticky situation and I would feel way worse about the handicap thing as well. You arent wrong there. He is clearly a jerk and it seems like this is probably what he does. I would NOT swear off all men all together because of him. Just get a better screening process. If you find out a guy is married... dont take it ANY further, no matter what your feeling. Basically we live and learn. You made a mistake and you just need to learn from this and move on. Best of Luck!
greengoddess Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 What a jerk this guy was. He took either the wife or childs transportation overnight for a little romp. Guess the poor wife and kid couldn't even leave the house. Happy to see you realize what you did was wrong. I'm sure the wife will not find out as long as you stay far far away from this guy. Sheesh you could have been killed. How can you just meet a man from online like this?
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 What kind of man cheats on his wife when she's in a wheelchair, helpless to do anything about it. Just despicable. My question is the minute you found out he was married why didnt you run? MM when they cheat they dont do it for love, they do it for the sex, and only the sex!!! I dont understand that when you met him and you knew you liked him, why didnt you ask him if he was married then? or get a background check on the guy. You met him online!?! Have you ever seen dateline: to catch a predator? I mean good god woman he could have been jason vorhees and you would have never even known... Stay away from this man.
Salicious Crumb Posted May 8, 2007 Posted May 8, 2007 I feel sick. It would be so easy to berate him (with really bad awful words) for not being honest with me about his reality. For all I know this could be an argreement between the both of them as she may not be able to have sex.I just want to leave this horrible situation with as much tact as possible and I don't not want him to know how upset I am.I will never see this man again but I can't seem to let go of how horrible I feel for being with a MM that has a wife that is possibly in a wheelchair. I guess I will never know the real truth.Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Well..you are very remorseful about what you did. If that is the case, the best thing you can do is break ALL contact with this man. There is nothing good to come from this. If you have an email address...change it...block him from IM'ing you. Whatever you have to do...just cut him off so he can't use you any longer.
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