I think my friend is dumping me!

[SydneyHeart]

And her birthday is Monday.

 

What should I do?

 

She has not spoken to me in over 3 weeks and we used to speak at a minimum once every 2 days (usually it would be several times a day). I called twice and sent one text message. To the first call she texted me back and said "Sorry dealing with a friends issues" That doesn't usually happen. Usually she tells me whatever she is dealing with.

 

She is not only my closest friend in this city, but my only friend here. I have never been hers though - she has tons, but we were always close.

 

I have known her for 3 years.

 

Do I call and say Happy Birthday on Monday or text her? Or do I respect what appears to be her decision to cut me out, and just let it go?

[kepners]

holly ****, i feel ya, i am lost my bestie the other day... deleted and blocked etc etc... wont return...

 

now my advise to you is this... do what u normally do with her for her birthday... after that you find another friend till she comes back to you. You know what it might be... SHE GOT A MAN! thats all it could be. NOW, whether this makes you jealous... i dont know. FROM my point of view, i would be jealous as hell, she my friend, but she with someone else! maybe thats it.

listen as hard as it is, you say on here talking to us, because there is alot of experince here... though u do get alot of 'hippy-american-friends-babble' but aleast ur talking... i would suggest taking up exersize to atleast get out.

 

she will be back 'only in a re-run' but she will be back.

 

just do what u normally do, dont be all i need u as a friend, i have no one else, just be all cool - like - her you go babe, heres your present love ya.

 

Question : what was the last proper convo you had??

[WhiteKnight]

And her birthday is Monday.

 

What should I do?

 

She has not spoken to me in over 3 weeks and we used to speak at a minimum once every 2 days (usually it would be several times a day). I called twice and sent one text message. To the first call she texted me back and said "Sorry dealing with a friends issues" That doesn't usually happen. Usually she tells me whatever she is dealing with.

 

She is not only my closest friend in this city, but my only friend here. I have never been hers though - she has tons, but we were always close.

 

I have known her for 3 years.

 

Do I call and say Happy Birthday on Monday or text her? Or do I respect what appears to be her decision to cut me out, and just let it go?

 

Sounds like to me that she has something going on with her life and I think it wouldn't really concern you as its her private life and all.

 

The best thing you could do is wish her a happy birthday via email or text message wishing her well for that day.

 

Furthermore I wouldn't try to push it any further. Some friends invite certain people to attend their events because of a variety of reasons but the thing is, you should not really be worried about a friend dumping ya.

 

Either she has a partner now and feels less obligated to talk to you, does not mean she has fully shut you out of her life. It means that you are there as a friend to talk to when required. She may not trust you, may have some reservations about it but the thing is that if you value your friend's friendship, sounds like that you do. I would respect the person's wishes and leave them alone.

 

If they invite you, go ahead and attend. If you are not invited, don't feel offended but probably it would be best if you'd don't push anything against her for now and just wish her well.

 

Had this happened to me a few times with some friends who I thought I consider to be 'best mates' or very close friends. However their reasons are their own and yet, I would look at it in a way that you haven't lost a friendship with her.

 

If you'd lost a friendship with her, she would push you away very harshly or you would know in a sense that she doesn't want to be contacted. I will have to admit this has happened to many people and they ask themselves, "What happened?" or "What did I do wrong to that person?" so questions are best to be left unanswered.

 

I wouldn't worry about it too much though mate and just continue with your life as per normal. Just be yourself and don't worry about her. She will come to you, when or if she is ready.

[SydneyHeart]

Thanks for the responses. I called her to wish her happy birthday today - she let it go to message bank, and she never responded.

 

I don't know what the deal is, and maybe I never will. But I know it's not a new man or anything like that - she has been married for 10 years.

 

Oh well, I guess I've done my bit. I'm not going to keep calling her. In my message I did say I hoped there was no issue between us I was not aware of going on, because we hadn't spoken in ages. So I guess it's her call from here.

[shylover]

Greet her, it's her birthday! If nothing comes out of it, then respect her decisions. Maybe you should also start looking for other friends and enjoy your social life more.

 

 

______________

Amanda

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[kepners]

not to point out something VERY OBVIOUS HERE:D do you not think Her Husband is stopping you? ie, he doesnt like having you around, because your having to much time of HIS WIFE?

that seems pretty obvious to me

[WhiteKnight]

Thanks for the responses. I called her to wish her happy birthday today - she let it go to message bank, and she never responded.

 

I don't know what the deal is, and maybe I never will. But I know it's not a new man or anything like that - she has been married for 10 years.

 

Oh well, I guess I've done my bit. I'm not going to keep calling her. In my message I did say I hoped there was no issue between us I was not aware of going on, because we hadn't spoken in ages. So I guess it's her call from here.

 

Woah. I didn't expect that the person you were referring to was actually married though. I think she had accepted the message and smiled about it all.

 

Sometimes whenever people feel attached to their partners and are quite loyal to them, they usually don't respond to you because they do think about their partner more than you. You are most likely a friend but also an obstacle if there were some kind of feelings and tension between you two.

 

If the husband is 'over-protective' in a way, he wouldn't want anyone socialising with his wife in a way that would pull her away from his sights. Also whenever things like that start to happen, the situation would get quite intense because you would be placed under a lot of suspicition.

 

I'd say what she is doing is respecting the husband but might be glad or content to know you texted her and wishing her a nice birthday. Adding the extra information about "I hoped there was no issue between us" is okay I guess but probably it might have her thinking now. I don't know.

 

Well to tell ya the truth, if a person is attached they have two options. Talk to you whenever its convienent for them, or the other option is don't talk to you at all.

 

Sometimes if you want to be friends with people and there is a period of silence, it could mean a lot of things and its best not to assume it. Whenever you 'assume' things, you could bring yourself to the wrong conclusion that they either don't want to be contacted or they have nothing good to say.

 

Some people are like that, including EX's (on both sides).

 

To be honest, if a person does value your friendship... they would talk with you from time to time whenever it either suits them or not. If a person finds it hard to 'Initiate' a good conversation with someone, its heartbreaking when two friends or Ex's could not talk like they used to. So you have some choices on your side though...

 

That is - if try to continue to stay in contact and be in their face, some people would dislike it and tend to stay away. I'd say let them come to you and let them be the Initiator. Its the only way to truly tell if they want to be friends with you or not.

 

Honestly, whenever I was dumped by my EX's, I let the person who dumped me intiate the conversation all the time. Also to stop caring about your ex in a way of they want to be friends, let them do so. Hence, I also started to care less about them as well. Its sad but it brings me to the 'I don't care' zone which doesn't really affect me anymore. So therefore, I don't care if my EX's contact me or not, if they want your friendship... they will come to you, not you come to them.

 

Hence this also would apply to friends as well, any type of friend is hard enough as it is to understand what they really want. However, I will say that there are three types of friends.

 

True Friends, User Friends or general all-rounder friends.

 

True Friends stick by you and talk to you a lot more often and discuss very openly or share with you about their problems and so forth.

 

User Friends, tend to abuse the friendship in a way of 'using' your knowledge and expertise against you. Furthermore, some might care about you and some don't. Except friends who are users don't last long, they all will fade away and come and ask you about something whenever they need you but chuck you aside later on.

 

General All-Rounder friends are just basic friends who value your friendship, or value who you were in the relationship but at the same time you can trust each other and get along on some ground. Friends in general can be either with you or against. So I have to say that, if a person was to be against you... betrayal is a common thing these days and they would not be worthy as a true friend.

 

However, it depends on the situation once again about how you predict or understand where your friends fit in though. All-Rounder Friends don't usually stay in contact but keep their distance from people, also it depends how much people would care as well. There are certain limitations for all people to do.

 

For what I can say about this friend of yours SydneyHeart, I would consider her as all-rounder friend only.

 

Just move on with life and let her talk to you whenever she is ready, you made the move in a way to say "Hey I'm here for you and wishing you well my friend..." As long you keep it that way, she will truly know that she has a good friend around in her life.

 

Anyways, move on with life and make more new friends in the meantime. Not dwelling over one person is not going to hold you back from getting more people. G'Luck with it all.

[lifeShade]

not to point out something VERY OBVIOUS HERE:D do you not think Her Husband is stopping you? ie, he doesnt like having you around, because your having to much time of HIS WIFE?

that seems pretty obvious to me

I think that perhaps you are right I mean a bit weird to have a friend who call twice a day perhaps her husband actually does not approve of this relationship with her wife, don't oyu think you are too close with her wife !!!