meg1982 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Hey everybody, I've been best friends with this girl for about 13 years, but for nearly a year now she's been treating me like crap and I'm getting fed up and don't know what to do. This began last August, she started breaking plans we made w/o calling or calling to cancel at the last minute. Obviously this pissed me off and strained the relationship. I should probably mention that she has been dating this guy for nearly two years who is a complete loser. He is an alcoholic (case of beer a night) and most likely a cokehead. He is 23 and hasn't had a real job in years, lives with the parents. The last job he had was pushing around a hotdog cart. For a few hours a day. With a buddy. That lasted a month, I kid you not, he claimed it was too exhausting. She bought him his cellphone and pays the bill for it. She is at his beck and call whenever he's too drunk to drive, which is more often than not. He screams at her and calls her names and is incredibly verbally and emotionally abusive. Okay, that is the back story... So she is a bitch for months and doesn't acknowledge my existence. In November she calls me and tells me she's pregnant with another guys baby. She has to have an abortion b/c her boyfriend will kill her if he finds out. (he's asian, she's white and the boy on the side is white so she thought it would be obvious the baby wasn't the boyfriends). Anyway, all of the sudden we're BFFs and when I take her to the clinic, she is incredibly apologetic and tells me I'm just like a sister and she's really sorry about being such a bad friend. Then after the disaster is averted, she vanishes again. She still calls me every 3-4 weeks and pretends like we'll hang out but it never happens. I am pretty sick of all the BS and really want to tell her off. But it is really depressing to throw away all those years of friendship. I think the real trouble is the boyfriend. I had no problem with him at first, but after she kept coming to me with problem after problem I told her the truth, that he's a loser and she's better off without him. He knows this and I think that causes friction. I know this is a long and most likely boring story but I just don't know if I should hang in there and see if maybe she'll come around or just let her know I'm pissed and risk completely losing the friendship. My hesitation comes from the fact that we HAVE been friends for a long time and I would very much like to remain so. I also know girls can become very stupid when they meet a guy they like, but this has been a while now. I also do not like being disrespected and don't want her to think she can get away with treating me like a doormat. Okay, so what should I do??? Has anyone had a problem like this, and how did you handle it. I appreciate any help you can give me.
SydneyHeart Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 You said 2 things that stood out for me. 1. You don't want her to think she can treat you like a doormat. Right, you don't 2. You don't want to lose all those years of friendship. Also right, assuming she was a good friend before. In light of those 2 things my impulse would be to be honest and give her a shot. Sit her down (or get her on the phone I guess), say you value all the good times and friendship over the years but that since Mr Loser came into the picture, you have felt a little used and walked on - and give examples like when she doesn't call to cancel plans, or just acting like she is going to hang out with you but never does. Now you also need to let her know that how she chooses to spend her time and who with is entirely up to her, and that you will be her friend regardless - don't make her feel like she has to choose between you and the Loser. Then see what she says and if her attitude changes at all. Your decision should be clearer after clearing the air Good luck
Author meg1982 Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 Now that you put it like that, it sounds easy. If I don't talk to her I'll just continue to be stressed and meanwhile she probably has no clue I'm this upset. Thanks for the good advice!
shylover Posted May 10, 2007 Posted May 10, 2007 Let her be. Don't let anyone treat you like that. You obviously deserve a better friend. ______________ Amanda Chrysler Sebring Convertible Colors & Wheels 2007 by Chrysler USA
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