diphy Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 This may be a long post. I am a male. A very close female sister of mine (K-38, financially stable-kids in college) is/was having an affair. I have had a feeling since mid 2005 about this- the changes in her behavior- secretive- happy- yet unhappy with her marriage- always been the model wife. Husbands is clueless. she says husband has not been there emotionally at all. we talk a lot- but since 2005- that has taken a nose dive. In mid 2006, I came across an email she was writing- love dovey- stuff to her lover (B-married- younger-has kids-32 or so- says younger 20- doesnt make sense). Never knew what to do about it, never said a word. I do tell this person almost everything when we talk. I had a friend of mine tell me he saw her with the other guy-I made excuses- and said it couldnt be her. In early april,07- I accidently came across her text messages (which she doesnt beleive)the text goes from the guy----, the last line being- think of me, her reply OK, sweet dreams. later a few days later- I snooped (i know -terrible), was worried about her-found several quick message- cant come tomorrow, going shopping in 30 min, missing u would be an understatement, everyone is home, love u lots, good night, hope you are thinking of me, etc. Confronted her- very very bad timing on my part- said it was emotional, no sex, just friends. I didnt leave it at that- kept bringing it up(mistake)- she blew up more-over the next 3 weeks- but things got better between us- we talked like old times- as long as it wasnt about the affair. Going back a bit- she kept saying I was imagining things- that she would never be unfaithful to her husband- I always told her- I will support whatever she wants- ie leave her husband etc- but that she has a lot to lose- she said she wasnt stupid- and nothing is going on- wont talk about it. Yesterday, may 4, 07, she used my laptop- forgot to logout of her email- I unfortunately snooped-intentionally- and found several emails- spanning from jun 05- jan, 07- where she writes she misses him, loves him etc- and had sent several pictures of her self- the replies from the guy- were- simple- no endearing terms- just signs off with his name, no pictures sent, although it was requested. we spoke about it, said that it was emotional, no sex, brief ( i guess she didnt mention 05-07) that she still talks and text messges B - but they are friends)- I did from all the times love was uses to sign off her emails. havent spoken to my relative K since. Did email her last night that I was looking out for her, and pointed that he was watching his back, and she should. No response yet from K. her marriage is in trouble- i am close to K and her husband- talked to them saying that they seem to be moving apart- said realtionships have ups and down- they are working on it. K said nothing. I am worried for her and will pretty much do anything for her. i have lost sleep and work performance since april 07. What can i do, I want to help- suggested she go to therapy and marriage counselling (doubt husband will go). Should I get her and B- together and talk to them. i can never tell her husband- and I dont think she is going to talk to me at all- which I kinda knew the snopping may lead too. Worried writer
LakesideDream Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 If you want to remain close to your sister, back off. Her and her OM are adults. They are going down a perilous road, you are not a part of the decisions they are making. I imagine it is hard for you to do and say nothing, however your options are non-existant.
Darth Vader Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 As long as this affair goes on, and yes it is sexual, it puts her husband at risk for STDs. He should be told, so he can make his own decision. I know people here will say don't tell, but, all that's doing is allowing her to keep disrespecting her husband, lying, and exposing him to diseases. She could also get pregnant from OM. No one says that you have to openly tell him, a letter, E-Mail, a phone call......
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