dorky328 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 I'm 32 had several long-term gfs but haven't really had much of a traditional "dating" life .. past 6 mos after my last ex of 3+ yrs and I broke up, I've been dating a lot .. a few ended up in bed after 3/4 dates and I lost interest soon after .. most ended after the first date .. but a number of them went on for 3/4/5 dates with kissing (not sex) but again seemed to die down after that .. the last date i had about 2+ weeks ago, blind date set up by a work colleague .. met her for drinks .. attractive lady, very fun to talk to, friendly .. both had a bunch of drinks and started making out (heavy tongue/kissing) at the bar (PDA, not my thing and she did regret it later on) .. anyway i drop her home and we make plans to meet again about a week later we have our 2nd date .. nice dinner, sober, walk around the park, again a bit of french-kissing .. i drop her home, kiss a bit more .. she seemed in a hurry but i suspect she wasn't lying about the work she had to finish that night next day i get a short cryptic email saying about her being in a place where she wants to take things a day at a time and that she hopes i'm not frustrated .. didn't really understand what that meant, ignored it .. called a few times over the week to set up next date 3rd date (week after 2nd date) ..dinner @ her place .. great food .. nice time talking, laughing, smiling .. had a laugh about her cryptic email .. still she seemed very receptive to my kisses but didn't let me .. uhmm .. move beyond that .. kept saying she want to take things slow etc etc .. had a nice time overall and feel that she did too next day i send an short email saying how good food was and i wanted to eat the leftovers .. was this too weird? too fast .. two days later i get a reply/email .. cryptic language again: "i think we are in different places .. blah blah blah .. going out of town for the weekend .. let's catch up next week and see where we are" i knee jerk replied: "i agree .. blah blah blah .. keep in touch and have a good trip" i replied in haste i guess coz i was kinda pissed off as i felt she was leading me on .. i think of myself and other dates i've been on .. if you are not really into someone, you don't french kiss them as much (we did it probably 5-10 times on each date) .. but perhaps i was just being dumb, desperate, or coming across as like i only wanted sex? any advice? should i call next week or did my email make it sound like i expect her to call if she wants to keep in touch (which in hindsight was dumb of me to say) .. i really like her .. compared to all the boring women i've dated in the past 6 mos i'm usually not the desperate, clingy needy kind but i wonder if i came across like that in this case .. hmmmm
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 It is not unusual to kiss like that in the heat of the moment, and then change your mind about dating that person. Regardless of her motives for kissing you, she is definitely blowing you off. Best to just stop contacting her and move on.
alextop30 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Ok I dont have that much experiance but I still think in your situation that you should call her back, aparently you found something special in her - no one knows for sure whether you moved too fast or she got scared along the way. I believe that you should still call her and see the worst thing that can happen is going to be another blowoff and than you will know to stop. If you dont call her you will not know if it trully a blowoff or she maybe got scared of you being so upfront. I dont know what ever the reason she pulled back.
Art_Critic Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 She is dating more people than just you... The other guy she is into more than you It happens.. Just move on and don't contact her anymore..
sweetscarlet Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 I think she likes your company but isn't sure if she likes you more than that yet. Definately avoid the kind of comments that you made. I don't think she's totally blown you off but you came on too strong. She didn't lead you on by kissing you. She felt comfortable doing that (maybe) but that didn't mean she felt comfortable doing more. Some guys think that doing one thing indicates that a woman wants to do another. Not so.
Reckless Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Your not kicked to the curb 'til you can see down a drain. The kissing is neither here not there... you have slept with women presumabley because a) you were attracted to them b) you felt like it It was not necessarily an indication that you wanted to pursue the relationship. She probably kissed you for similar reasons. ...two days later i get a reply/email .. cryptic language again: "i think we are in different places .. blah blah blah .. going out of town for the weekend .. let's catch up next week and see where we are" She's definitely backing off but as to whether its because she wants you to go away, back up a little, jump through a few hoops, or give chase .. who knows. The thing is, you like her and find her interesting ? ... If you do, thicken your skin, take her at her word, "catch up" with her next week, and if the wind does indeed blow cold you will have your answer.
kepners Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 knee jurk... buddy it how you ROLL! dont kick yourself for that. she is keeping the door open, for reasons you dont understand and because shes an attractive women she can do it. NOW! your question is this... do you wait and confirm to her she has the power? or do you move on, and loose any chance you have! or... do you play mind games and do both! by letting her think your waiting for her by being cool and replying. as for the kissing... buddy! you slept with women you didnt like! shes only kissed yoU! HAHA- us men! my honest advice, is just be a man and be true to yourself and how you see it. u will know more about how she reacted towards you. all i can is, if she really wanted you she wouldnt be doing this!! and you know this is true! - a fat chick wouldnt do this - only a fit bird whos not interested
RecordProducer Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Dorky, she is playing a game. If you like her, just play her game. She definitely likes you or she wouldn't go out with you on several dates and French-kissed you, especially if she is attractive and charming (she isn't desperate for dates). Just be patient. She is trying to warm you up, be a challenge, make you chase her, drive you crazy... she is doing a great job, trust me. So she likes you and you'll get her sooner or later. The best strategy for you is to be patient for a while. The more you go out with her the more she gets attached to you. Then you start playing cool (don't be so available). She has some deadline in her head, like 3 months or so. Maybe less. The fact that she is playing this game with you means she cares. The million-dollar question is: what type of woman plays these games? A very clever and wicked one? A traditional woman whose mother taught her not to give it to him on the first (20) date(s)? You'll find out. My dad dated a woman who didn't let him touch her boobs (let alone have sex) for like a couple months. Turned out she was a slut. This might not be the case with your girl, but if you can dig a little bit of dirty laundry from her past, you might find out who she is and what she is doing exactly.
Author dorky328 Posted May 5, 2007 Author Posted May 5, 2007 i think i am just being hypocritical .. heck i slept with girls i had no interest in .. thinking isn't that what horny guys are supposed to do?! and now i'm bugged that a girl smooches me so much and then implies she is not interested .. i'm bugged because i'm holding on to some belief that girls are not supposed to do that i wish i dated more in my twenties .. all my LTRs just happened one after the other and i never really learned dating dynamics, and the mind games that we all seem to play
bab Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Maybe she likes you but is frustrated because she doesn't want to have sex with you quite yet and you keep trying to go further than the kissing for now. Ask her.
kepners Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 i totallllyyyyyyy understand where you are comning from... i am totally in the same situation!!!! i am struggleing to come to terms with it....
RecordProducer Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 i think i am just being hypocritical .. heck i slept with girls i had no interest in .. thinking isn't that what horny guys are supposed to do?! and now i'm bugged that a girl smooches me so much and then implies she is not interested .. i'm bugged because i'm holding on to some belief that girls are not supposed to do that Why are you making a moral/philosophical/zen/karma/whatever thing out of this? You're simply interested in this woman and want to know if she is interested in you. My dad also thought the lady was not interested in him; the day he decided to "break up" with her, she initiated sex. I've been "used" for sex and I've slept with guys I didn't like much... we've ALL been in unpleasant dating situations. According to you, we should accept that dating is all about smooching and screwing people you don't like! No! It's about trying to meet someone you like and establishing how much you like them and how much they like you. As long as she is going out with you and kissing you, relax - you'll eventually get in her pants. Was that your question anyway?
Tenorman Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Does she kiss you without tongue? If you are genuinely interested in her, you should kiss her in a more gentle, tender manner sans tongue and direct her to kiss you back in the same way. If she lets this happen, it is a good sign. If she doesn't and reverts the kissing back to tongues, I would say she is avoiding intimacy with you and/or using it as a way to test your intentions and/or just using you physically full stop.
sweetscarlet Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 she is keeping the door open, for reasons you dont understand and because shes an attractive women she can do it. a fat chick wouldnt do this - only a fit bird whos not interested So basically you're saying that those that are less attractive will just accept anything, regardless of whether they (the less attractive/fat person) feels anything for the person or not? I find it sad that you think this and that you're rating people this way....actually namely WOMEN this way. You'll learn (hopefully) that it's not all about attractiveness. And hopefully there are those less attractive/fat people who have enough self-esteem to not just accept "anything".
kepners Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 its my experince, and my opinion. that women treat men bad... that fat women lie more than skinny women and about a whole lotta stuff. a good looking women is more likely to play mind games and test you than a fat woman. its the odds and experinces i have been confronted with in my life. BUT where did i say fat women are ugly? all i said was a good looking women is more likely to mess a man about because she can, she will have 2/3 bloke after her at any one point. its my experince. u flame me all u want, but its my experince and opinion. and though you may not agree i have to ask myself why you have reacted to something like this... u ask any single good looking women honestly how many men they think or know like them and that they are only a phone call away! ALOT will be answer.
IpAncA Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Hmm....to answer your question. I wouldn't go all out kissing someone unless I felt attracted to them. I don't kiss anyone you know.
Trialbyfire Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 No! It's about trying to meet someone you like and establishing how much you like them and how much they like you. Exactly!! As for the getting into her pants, keep in mind it's not an obligation on her part to deliver the goods... It's her body, therefore her choice to want to go further or not.
RecordProducer Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Does she kiss you without tongue? If you are genuinely interested in her, you should kiss her in a more gentle, tender manner sans tongue and direct her to kiss you back in the same way. If she lets this happen, it is a good sign. If she doesn't and reverts the kissing back to tongues, I would say she is avoiding intimacy with you and/or using it as a way to test your intentions and/or just using you physically full stop.Huh? I totally don't see the logic behind your theory. If anything, it's the opposite! Exactly!! As for the getting into her pants, keep in mind it's not an obligation on her part to deliver the goods... It's her body, therefore her choice to want to go further or not. Right. But the time and feelings he invloves are his and he has a right to know what she's doing to him. The point is that he wonders if she likes him at all, while she's playing the "let's take things slowly" game just to keep him away from her bedroom, for whatever reason. Drakon, I think she likes you and is just playing hard to get, because she thinks you're a good catch. And if you're too humble and wonder what's so special about yourself - don't wonder. A woman can see a good catch in a completely average man. I've heard too many women here on Loveshack saying that they take things slowly and not have sex for a few weeks or even months, if they think that the relationship with the guy may lead to something serious. Personally, I think the hard-to-get strategy is artificial and dangerous. The woman risks to seduce a man who only cares about challenge and as soon as he gets the prey - dumps her or takes her for granted. Also, the man instinctively thinks that the woman is of "high value" if she is so hard for him to get. Once he gets to know her well, he might be disappointed in her; not because she is not charming and smart and good enough, but because he might have seen her as a very strong person, just to realize that she is fragile and meek. In other words, this game leads the man to think that the woman is independent, proud, superior, and untouchable. Once she surrenders to him, the impression will change to dependent and inferior. Most men don't mind when they see that a woman needs them. But a man who finds challenege in hunting a wild animal is not likely to keep it as a pet once it's encaged and non-dangerous. My opinion is that it's best to be who you are at the very beginning. Don't pretend that you're submissive if you're free-spirited; don't pretend that you are self-sufficient if you tend to become co-dependent in relationships. If what's in the shop is not what was in the window, the customer is likely to "return" the product.
alphamale Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I don't kiss anyone you know. well some people do, especially after a number of drinks
Author dorky328 Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 bottom line. we can never predict anyone's behaviour .. why they kiss, why they fcku ... if they kiss does it mean they are into you .. if they fcku does that mean you are a dildo for them .. i think once can never know for sure what people's motivations are .. kinda line Mr. Cho at VTECH .. it will always remain a mystery why he shot those two people first .. i'm going to stop beating myself up over this .. she wasn't the greatest kisser anyway .. a B+ maybe .. and extrapolating from that i'm sure her bjskills would drop a notch or two classic *sourgrapes* huh lol
Author dorky328 Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 my last LTR .. we became bf/gf the morning after the first time we slept together which was about 24 hours after our initial meeting (technically after 2nd date) yeah .. that morning she took the day off work, i decided to go in late .. we kissed/cuddled/small talked and had a nice breakfast together. became a couple at that point. we did not give in to stupid fears about going too slow or too fast of worrying if it didn't work out .. after 3+ years its safe to say that we had a *fairly* successful relationship (almost got engaged and it was family matters that ended it) the other two LTRs .. similar if not quite as fast. and all the other traditional dating situations over the past 6 months and during other phases i've not been in LTR, they have never gone anywhere .. when i decided to go along with the "let's take things slow" .. if we did end up sleeping after taking things slow .. it didn't last much long afterwards so perhaps my past sorta conditioned me to go for the full-close as soon as possible with the ladies i REALLY want as LTR .. who knows .. Huh? I totally don't see the logic behind your theory. If anything, it's the opposite! Right. But the time and feelings he invloves are his and he has a right to know what she's doing to him. The point is that he wonders if she likes him at all, while she's playing the "let's take things slowly" game just to keep him away from her bedroom, for whatever reason. Drakon, I think she likes you and is just playing hard to get, because she thinks you're a good catch. And if you're too humble and wonder what's so special about yourself - don't wonder. A woman can see a good catch in a completely average man. I've heard too many women here on Loveshack saying that they take things slowly and not have sex for a few weeks or even months, if they think that the relationship with the guy may lead to something serious. Personally, I think the hard-to-get strategy is artificial and dangerous. The woman risks to seduce a man who only cares about challenge and as soon as he gets the prey - dumps her or takes her for granted. Also, the man instinctively thinks that the woman is of "high value" if she is so hard for him to get. Once he gets to know her well, he might be disappointed in her; not because she is not charming and smart and good enough, but because he might have seen her as a very strong person, just to realize that she is fragile and meek. In other words, this game leads the man to think that the woman is independent, proud, superior, and untouchable. Once she surrenders to him, the impression will change to dependent and inferior. Most men don't mind when they see that a woman needs them. But a man who finds challenege in hunting a wild animal is not likely to keep it as a pet once it's encaged and non-dangerous. My opinion is that it's best to be who you are at the very beginning. Don't pretend that you're submissive if you're free-spirited; don't pretend that you are self-sufficient if you tend to become co-dependent in relationships. If what's in the shop is not what was in the window, the customer is likely to "return" the product.
Trialbyfire Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 But the time and feelings he invloves are his and he has a right to know what she's doing to him. The point is that he wonders if she likes him at all, while she's playing the "let's take things slowly" game just to keep him away from her bedroom, for whatever reason. Only if he asks... Assumptions, combined with pride/ego tend to lead everyone astray. She may feel she's being upfront. A very typical Venus and Mars situation..if so.
Tenorman Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 RecordProducer I know it sounds backwards and it confused me at first but it's an experience I've had of late, and if it's a relevant consideration, with successful professional women in their mid to late twenties. It was very constant aggressive kissing on their part, with a distinct lack of variation, to the point where it became annoying to me and felt more like a battle with their tongue or just lousy kissing. Over time (or just over the course of the night) I got them to slow down, vary it up and 'submit' to me. I could only come to the conclusion that it was a fear of intimacy on their part which I had to overcome before I got to their more 'genuine' kisses rather than just having a tongue shoved down my throat each time. Anyway, it sounds like these experiences are an aberration to the norm. I'll just put it down as another chapter in my already weird life.
Author dorky328 Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 I LIKE ! going to try this next sexy time RecordProducer I know it sounds backwards and it confused me at first but it's an experience I've had of late, and if it's a relevant consideration, with successful professional women in their mid to late twenties. It was very constant aggressive kissing on their part, with a distinct lack of variation, to the point where it became annoying to me and felt more like a battle with their tongue or just lousy kissing. Over time (or just over the course of the night) I got them to slow down, vary it up and 'submit' to me. I could only come to the conclusion that it was a fear of intimacy on their part which I had to overcome before I got to their more 'genuine' kisses rather than just having a tongue shoved down my throat each time. Anyway, it sounds like these experiences are an aberration to the norm. I'll just put it down as another chapter in my already weird life.
alphamale Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 my experience in the past has been that deep kissing involving the tongues for a prolonged period (more than 15 or 20 min) generally leads to sexual activity fairly quickly. if caressing of her breasts and genitalia are also involved then you're home free women are like freight trains....it takes a lot to get them moving but once they're up to speed you better watch out!
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