chryssy83 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 Hey all, I have this roommate I have lived with for 2 years. She and I have only had one argument until now, and it was actually similar to this one. We usually get along great. We are in exams and graduating in a week. This means things are VERY stressful around here. (If you went to college, take those finals and multiply by at least 50...that's these tests.) So anyway, for graduation she's bringing a bunch of family members to town for three days. Many of them are staying with us, all of them are supposed to have meals here. I will be working on a paper, so I guess I have to work at the library because she didn't consult me before scheduling this whole weekend thing. Then, I can't study here because she a) takes up the whole table and I don't have room, b) criticizes my study habits, and c) invites her boyfriend over. He and I are friends, but sometimes I just need space in my apartment and I don't want him here when I'm up late studying in my pajamas! They NEVER go to her room to spend time, even though when my boyfriend is here we always have to be in my room because she's usually studying or watching tv in the main living area. Now today, she criticizes my study habits again, telling me that I should study the way she does. She's not usually like this...(selfish yes, but overbearing no...) so maybe she's just stressed. We got in a little spat, and we both ended up saying things about each other's boyfriends. Thing is, what I said was that hers is a completely different person around her as around other people. (Like he called me a c**k-s**king c*m-bucket, which I found really offensive.) Around her he acts ultra-religious and chivalrous in an old-fashioned way. So basically, I believe what I said is true. I can't apologize for it, but I don't want to keep fighting. I know what will happen now, she'll talk to him, he'll tell her that I am trying to undermine their relationship, and she'll say that if I have a problem with him we can't be friends. We had that fight before, and I called her a 1950's wife because I don't know why he thinks he can tell her not to be my friend. How do I get over feeling like since our philosophical views of life are so different, we are suddenly incompatible as friends? We are of different political affiliations, and even though we have a lot in common there is a lot we differ on. I'm just so sick of hearing about how everything I value isn't good enough for her, usually because it doesn't involve enough money or support the "Christian" way of doing things. It's like there has been this constant, subtle attack on my values until I can't stand to be in my own home. Any thoughts on what I do to get through the next week? So far I've just been leaving but this is so unfair!
amerikajin Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 So anyway, for graduation she's bringing a bunch of family members to town for three days. Many of them are staying with us, all of them are supposed to have meals here. I will be working on a paper, so I guess I have to work at the library because she didn't consult me before scheduling this whole weekend thing. A bit thoughtless not to consult you beforehand, but slips of the mind happen. Then, I can't study here because she a) takes up the whole table and I don't have room, b) criticizes my study habits, and c) invites her boyfriend over. He and I are friends, but sometimes I just need space in my apartment and I don't want him here when I'm up late studying in my pajamas! They NEVER go to her room to spend time, even though when my boyfriend is here we always have to be in my room because she's usually studying or watching tv in the main living area. Is it possible to study in your own room to study and do work? Now today, she criticizes my study habits again, telling me that I should study the way she does. She's not usually like this...(selfish yes, but overbearing no...) so maybe she's just stressed. We got in a little spat, and we both ended up saying things about each other's boyfriends. Thing is, what I said was that hers is a completely different person around her as around other people. (Like he called me a c**k-s**king c*m-bucket, which I found really offensive.) Around her he acts ultra-religious and chivalrous in an old-fashioned way. So basically, I believe what I said is true. I can't apologize for it, but I don't want to keep fighting. Just tell her you're not interested in her advice. It seems to me that she's just telling you how to study so that you end up having to work around her and her boyfriend. I guess it goes back to my question earlier: is it not possible to study in your room, and is that what she complains about? Whatever the case, if my roommate's gf came over to my place and called me that (provided I didn't say something to warrant that) I would tell my roommate that he's out, or I'm out at the earliest possible time - which is it? No way I'd take that. I know what will happen now, she'll talk to him, he'll tell her that I am trying to undermine their relationship, and she'll say that if I have a problem with him we can't be friends. We had that fight before, and I called her a 1950's wife because I don't know why he thinks he can tell her not to be my friend. If your characterization of this situation is true, then you're right: she is a 1950's wife. She needs to have some backbone and understand what a gentleman really is, and appreciate what real friends are as well. How do I get over feeling like since our philosophical views of life are so different, we are suddenly incompatible as friends? We are of different political affiliations, and even though we have a lot in common there is a lot we differ on. I'm just so sick of hearing about how everything I value isn't good enough for her, usually because it doesn't involve enough money or support the "Christian" way of doing things. It's like there has been this constant, subtle attack on my values until I can't stand to be in my own home. Any thoughts on what I do to get through the next week? So far I've just been leaving but this is so unfair! Just tell her that you respect her religious views and all, but that has nothing to do with it. You two are roommates and that it's best if you two don't meddle too much with each other. Just get the rent paid and keep the house clean, and show some basic respect when it comes to things like studying. That is all that matters. If she can't deal with that, you need a new roommate.
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