Watch the time go right out the window..

[brokeninside]

Ive been reading these threads a lot and decided to post my own story.

I was with a girl for 2.5 years. Wasnt a great relationship, a very rocky ride. We had our ups and downs, but overall I really loved her and thought she loved me. Boy was I wrong!

In the last 6 months of the relationship now I see she lost complete interest in me. The sex was non - existant. I never cheated on this girl, and because of medical issues waited for her to sort this out. She was loosing interest in me all along. This all started happening after comming home from a trip to Europe for her to meet my parents.

First indication was her celebration of her getting university, to which odly enough I wasnt invited. I was during that time working on 'our' website on which I posted photos on my home server so taht people could see our pictures that we took on trips together (over 1000). She wasnt interested and even thought I put more than 100 hours of work into that site, she only visited it once. I know because I can trace logs and IP's. After going out a couple of times and seemingly having a good time, she told me in my car that 'she feels she had been missing out'. Boy, I thought jeez im missing out too girl, you havent opened your legs for me in more than a year and Ive been faithful to you all that time! Was I a fool!

I got very sick after new years 2007. Stress disorder anxiety attacks. Was working two jobs to support myself my school my car and appartment. I live alone and keep in mind I was still 21 at that time. Had a job as an IT proffesional full time and jeweler part time. Was completing my university degree. When I got sick, panic attacks occuring many times a day, was in the hospital a couple of times thinking Im going to die. When my mother asked her from Europe through a sms 'why wont you help him?' keep in mind she was just our guest at our house 5 months prior all expenses paid she replied to her 'well i dont have time for this, why dont you come and help him'. Which my mother did, bought a plane ticket and came to help me out.

Two weeks after my mother arrived, my ex came to my workplace foodcourt for 'lunch'. We got into a mega argument the weekend prior over her going out with her friends instead of keeping her promise to make up the previous weekend when she did the same. She came to lunch and told me 'she needed space and time, a break'.

Do you know what I did? Keep in mind im a black belt and well built man, did body building for a while and dont have trouble with the ladies. At first I told her fine, then when I got off work I drove down to her place and started begging her on my knees not to do this. She closed the door on me. Imagine? I was crying on my knees, she tells me 'you pushed my feelings away' and slammed the door on me.

After that I called her 24/7 begging and crying she would screen my calls and tell me to leave her alone. Which I couldnt do. I dont know why now, looking back. The sex initially was great, and she is a very good looking girl (hurts to write this). Very outgoing social where I am more of the less social more into sports and competition guy. Dont have a big group of friends but I am not a loner. She needs to be friends with every1. Bothered me for a long time. She lost her virginity at 15, met me at 16 and jumped into my bed on the second date.

I was her doormat for the next 2 months.

Which brings me to this point.

I have failed my last exam in university which will keep me withut a degree for another year. Due to this I got fired from my IT job. Just a couple of days ago I had an accident with the car, and dont have money to pay for repairs.

Keep in mind I still saw her for coffee around once a week, after I begged her to come and see me.

I became a looser and depressed. My apartment is a trash can. Cant be bothered to clean up. Stopped working out. Stopped everything, and my best friend left for Europe so I dont have anyone to go get wasted with anymore.

My whole life came to a stand still. Until a couple of days ago.

When I had the accident, I came out and thanked god I was alive. My poor baby car was not totalled but the back needs repairs. I came close to death, as very high speed was involved. Tonight I called her, and again she screened my call and wouldnt pick up.

I dont need this anymore.

I found a song that really expresses these emotions that I feel. Its In The End by Linkin Park.

The words from that song that really ring home are:

Didnt look out below, watch the time go right out the window

Trying to hold on, but didnt even even know

Wasted it all just to watch you go.

 

Im not gona keep in contact with her just to watch her give herself to another man while she has kept me on that string for over a year without giving herself to me and I waited it out like a fool believing in true love and not as much as flirting with another girl, althought I had many chances for doing just that.

This ends tonight

[Ezydriver]

Hey man. You are beating yourself up a little bit.

I feel for you as you seem to have a lot of bad things happening to you at once. Maybe it is a test of strength. I know if I failed an exam, which consequently got me fired, I had rent to pay and I crashed my car and lost my girl, I think I'd be seriously worse than you. So, well done on keeping strong. Nobody would find that situation easy.

 

Unfortunately, love is blind. The reason you didn't sleep together for a year is, as you quite rightly pointed out, because she was emotionally leaving you but wasn't ready to let go. By the time you know about it, she has already 'left' you, in spirit. It is now down to you to get over her. Begging and crying just makes you look weak and out of control. Even if all you want to do is to beg and cry, remember, do not, it gets you nowhere.

 

As hard as it is, the only way IS positive thinking. You are armed with a very powerful tool. Namely, your thinking rational mind. You have to think of all the bad things she did and said. You have to think of the lack of consideration. You have to think of the way she was not interested in your website. You have to think of the lack of warmth.

Seriously, ask yourself, do you want a girlfriend who thinks so little of you with such little regard? Do not bring her into that question, just think do you want a girlfriend like that. Your answer will obviously be no. So, why bother with her? I know sentiment clouds judgement. I know. But, again, ask yourself, how many times were good? Probably a lot less than bad. Try to focus on how horrible you felt when she ignored you, or wouldn't come to help you or when she looked at the website just once. Try to focus on all these things. These thoughts will provoke anger etc....

 

You really have to carry on thinking along those lines. Look at it rationally.

Also, if you had a friend who told you all this, what would you say to him? You'd say "Dump her arse, this is going nowhere and she is a bitch"

 

Remember, when the one comes into your life, you'll realise why all the others didn't work out.

[Atlanta]

Hi, it seems you are REALLy going thorugh a tough time.

I have just post a help request for me, but when I read your thread I felt I had to give you a helping hand.

The thing that strikes me most is your ex closing the door in your face when you were there begging on your kness. Jeeeez! what an insensitive woman.

listen, I really cannot get why you still LOVE her. I think is more that you need her, maybe because of your lack of social skills you wrote about.

I know is difficult, but do not cry &plead anymore, get on with your life and try to work on the aspects of yourself that need to be worked on- that's typically what we are attracted to in the other person.

you did already a very good step by signing up here... put your life again on track by staying here and getting help & support from us. work on your professional life: the next fantastic beautiful girl is waiting for you out there....and she will want a strong guy!!!!!

a suggestion: to help you getting some female roomantic attention, why don't you think about signing up on a dating site? that's what I did, and it is helping me loads. there are millions of those sites out there, just check out which one suites you best (suggestion: choose a well-known, professional one) and go for it! you cannot imagine how many nice persons there are out there. i assure you, it puts things in perspective

 

good luck!!!!

[brokeninside]

When it rains it pours.. its so true.

Ive never had this experience in my life. I have lived alone since 18 years of age. My parents and family are on a different continent. Got a job at 19 and studied full time at the same time. Father bought me a car to help 'settle down' in the new social arena. Thats when I met her and dumped my girlfriend on the other continent (LD relationship) for her.

I have generally been a very strong/confident person. I have a black belt in karate and work out a couple of times a week, swimming also.

Ive never had everything crashing down on me this way. Ive always managed to stay strong and pull through 'tougher times'. Also I took her bull**** for a long time until she grew up from her 'wana be stupid im young' phase.

I remember once last year breaking down on her telling her that she is the only person in the world that I feel can hurt me in an unimaginable way. Started crying in her arms etc. THe love was there then, she assured me she loved me and cried when she saw me crying. She knew I had a difficult childhood (abusive parent, mother abandoned me at 12.. this sort of replays the feelings I had from childhood).

I have been through many destructive experiences in my life uptil now. Like I said, abandonment abuse. I have also been savagely attacked in Europe by eight men and robbed, spent a week at the hospital recovering. I was OK and running about happily a few days after I got out. Nothing has EVER brought me down like this. Nothing. I feel as if only a woman can hurt me like this. The pain is unbearable. The pain of rejection and abandonment I cant describe. I wouldnt wish this to anyone, even to people I would hate the most. For me nothing compares. Maybe life will throw more pain into my life later on, but so far this has been the worst and I already feel like Ive been through a lot.

Looking back I cant help but to kick myself for breaking down so much. I cant believe I let everything cave in on me like that, and I was just helplessly watching. Usually I would tell her about my problems, this time she was the main problem and I couldnt tell her cause she didnt care. All my friends said 'enjoy the single life' but how can I? I love her, I dont want another woman. Not now anyway.

I also know many other men/women go through this. How can you all just move on? Im finding it so hard. Im back at my second job (jewelry) but still find it hard to fill out my time without wanting to call her and tell her I love her and why is she doing this to me when I was always there for her?