I need some serious -My best guy friend just came out and I'm in love with him!

[tnnsgirl19]

This is so complicated and I searched to find something like it and it was here that I found it. I've been best friends with this male friend (I'm female) of mine since we were ten. We're now 20. He's gone through everything with me and had a crush on me at one point. However that faded, but in high school after spending so much time with him I realized I had fallen in love with him.

 

I know it sounds corny but we would finish each others sentences and spend all our time together so as you can guess I thought our relationship was progressing smoothly. He just "came out." He's gay! I was in shock as you can imagine. I told him about my feelings and he said what he felt for me when we were younger was genuine, but he feels mostly for men, but visualizes himself in the long run with a woman. I'm so confused. He said he wasn't sure about his sexuality, but I think if you come out you must have some certainty.

 

I feel awful. Is there anyone who can relate and has some much needed advice. I'm basically the only person he has told so I know how hard it must have been, but I feel terrible!

[silentcharon]

Hmm. He may just want to see what's out there before settling down with a woman. I wouldn't take it too personal, it's just like college- it's all about "YOU", you get to do what you want completely on your own. Get my drift? He needs to do this to be sure of himself regarding his own sexuality before he makes his decision how to define his own sexuality.

 

I'm sure this doesn't make it any easier- but go on with your life, find some hobbies, even date around, etc. Perhaps he might realize he is straight in the end and decide to settle down, but you shouldn't bank on him as this will prevent you from moving on in the event he decides not to date you for any reason. You will have wasted your time not moving on when he finally decides and you'll be in it for a world of pain.

 

Hope this helps.

[norajane]

Channel your feelings into your friendship - be his friend, be supportive, enjoy him for the person he's always been to you, and he'll be your best friend for the rest of your life. You'll get over your romantic feelings when you fall in love with someone else. I say this from experience - been there, done that.

[smwhtshy]

But there is something postive to think about...all that cool stuff you guys shared, time together doing stuff, finishing each othes sentences, etc. is because of who he is...GAY. Thats why you clicked so cooly probably, and what appealed to you so much...but, think of it this way, had he been straight, would he still have had the same qualities? Maybe, probably more subtly, but not to the "in synch" level you guys acheived. In other words, being gay, even though you didn't know it, on some level is probably what appealed to you. And, believe me, straight women and gay guys trying to get together, is disastrous, if not sooner, then later.

 

Don't think you can change him..he may be confused about how to proceed now, but he doesn't sound confused about who he is. Hes given this a lot of thought, because he takes courage to say it out loud, and he reached that point where he was ready. The good side.? He chose YOU to tell...not anyone else...so consider yourself a trusted friend. And, he is seeing you as a "friend/buddy/confidant" with his most important secret...he is not seeing you as a potential love interest.

 

Don't be sad anymore than you have to..easier said than done, but try to be his friend if you can, and remember how special you are to him for him to have chosen you to share his secret with. Good luck..!!