fray718 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 I dont have much dating experience and because I've been burned before, I set my expectations really high to prevent from getting burned. But please, can someone tell me what dating etiquette should be? I mean there was once this guy who I went out with 4 times. After the first date, he texted me two days later to go out again that same night. For dates 2 and 3, he IMed me the day right after and pretty much IMs me almost every day. But after date 4, which was on a Tuesday night, he didn't IM me until the following Monday....nearly a week later. I didnt' think he was that into me and so I just decided to cut him off. I felt unloved and I was mad that he did that. Was I too harsh or did I do the right thing? I mean on date 4 tues day we kissed passionately and I did act probably a bit more nervous than I should but I showed him I'm interested because I'm nice to him and even kissed him good night. I mean yea I knew he was really really busy at work but still, it takes like 2 mins just to IM and say hi. Cuz there WERE times where he'd IM me just to say hi and then log off and I appeciate that. Can someone please shed light on what I should expect from a guy at the very least and what perhaps should be signs that the guy is not worth it? thanks!
oppath Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 This guy hasn't done anything wrong. He is not burning you. You aren't in a relationship. There are any number of reasons his behavior has changed. Yes, it is most likely he has lost interest, though there is a possibility he has not. It sounds like you want somebody who is consistent. This guy is not. Therefore, YOU make the decision that you don't want to be with him. There is nothing wrong with YOU calling him up and telling him that while you enjoyed your dates with him, you don't feel you are right for each other. Most likely he has lost interest but doesn't know how to tell you. Maybe this is not the case. What matters is what you want! He is not giving you what you want. He hasn't burned you. If you keep dating, you will surely experience this again, and I'm sure there will be times you are not interested and are passive towards a guy because you don't know how to let him down. It's part of the game and nothing to take personal.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted May 5, 2007 Posted May 5, 2007 I just read a book about different stages of dating. It mentioned that guys back off a bit after getting close, and the only reason is because they want to evaluate their own feelings. Most of the time they come back ready to move forward in a relationship. This is called the uncertainty stage (after the attraction stage) and when he comes back it is for stage 3 - excusivity. What drives us women crazy is when they back off, we don't know if they are coming back. The WORST thing you can do is call him during this time. That will almost guarantee he WON'T come back. It would be nice if men knew we just needed a little reassurance first....like "I'll call you next week" or something.
Enema Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Why should he have to do all the work? You're not doing him a favour by going out with him, he doesn't owe you anything and he shouldn't have to jump through hoops to keep You happy. If you need IM contact, YOU say "Hello".
monkey00 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Why should he have to do all the work? You're not doing him a favour by going out with him, he doesn't owe you anything and he shouldn't have to jump through hoops to keep You happy. If you need IM contact, YOU say "Hello". thats true, when in dating you dont always have to wait for the other person to contact you. I know its nice to be chased and all, but there is a possiblity the other person doesnt feel his advances are being appreciated or reciprocated (like getting a call or text or IM or what have you), then they move on or lose interest. when he calls or texts you are you surprised or react happily that he contacted you? If so he should have no reason to stop contacting you - unless however he just lost interest. Sometimes its OK to just play the passive role and sometimes OK to call someone out of the blue and tell the you had a good time.
Author fray718 Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 I just read a book about different stages of dating. It mentioned that guys back off a bit after getting close, and the only reason is because they want to evaluate their own feelings. Most of the time they come back ready to move forward in a relationship. This is called the uncertainty stage (after the attraction stage) and when he comes back it is for stage 3 - excusivity. What drives us women crazy is when they back off, we don't know if they are coming back. The WORST thing you can do is call him during this time. That will almost guarantee he WON'T come back. It would be nice if men knew we just needed a little reassurance first....like "I'll call you next week" or something. What is this book called? If this is what happened, gosh do I feel regretful and stupid right now.....in fact, I feel downright depressed
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Well some parts of the book I disagree with, but for the most part it had some very good advice and I saw myself in almost every example! It's venus and mars on a date. Kind of a men are from mars...book for dating and not married couples. I read both just last week and learned so much. I want to SO badly call a new guy tonight. We met for the first time Friday...then he called me on the way home (we both had at least 1/2 hour to drive) and then he called me the next day! I think he may be hoping I'll call, but I think it's best not to,,,,so as to keep him interested. PLus I'm busy the next two nights.
Author fray718 Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 ok so i got the book and its called 'venus and mars on a date' and i read that section on stage 2 uncertainty and oh boy. Do you all really think this book depicts an accurate picture of this stage? Cuz this is truly the first time I've heard about this. All I've heard for the past years is that if a guy truly is interested he'll call and he wouldn't make you wait a week. If he waits that long, then he's not that interested. Any thoughts on this matter?
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