Author sadbuttrue Posted May 6, 2007 Author Posted May 6, 2007 By staying with him, you're enabling his behaviour and allowing him to treat you like crap. Then why is he purposely deceiving his wife, betraying his whole family? He's living a big fat LIE, knowingly. That's just cruel to his wife and his kids and to you. I hate to say it, but SBT, you're being cruel to yourself by staying... Please, get some counselling in so you can gain the strength to leave him! He's a scumbag! wwiu, i do not understand it either, but i know that he absolutely does not want to lose his family. he has said that over and over. he is playing a very risky game with a lot of people's lives. and i am in counseling, every week thanks wwiu
whichwayisup Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Definately talk to your therapist about this. Hopefully you're therapist can help you gain the strength and inner 'sight' to see and understand that your MM is such a selfish person who is only in it for himself. He doesn't love you, he doesn't love his wife or his kids as much as he proclaims he does...What I see from everything you've said about him is, he LOVES HIMSELF MOST. His happiness, his needs come first....His actions do not match his words. If he really didn't want to risk losing it all, he wouldn't be having an affair. PERIOD. Good luck and keep going with the therapy!
Chapter2 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I believe it is the truth or I wouldn't have said it. Exactly how many betrayals makes a serial cheater...more than once, more than twice, maybe three times? YOU alone teach people how to treat you. And, no, I don't try to make the BS look like anything but if that's what you got from it then so be it. Nothing (on this subject) is clearly black or clearly white except that cheating is self destructive and destructive to everyone touched by it (IMO). Enabling is everywhere, it respects no religion, gender or marital status. If you feel people are "always trying to make it seem like the BS is somehow enabling the cheater" then that's your own baggage not mine. I don't view BS's and former OW/OM as categories. We're all people NID. If you'd like to prove your point then please provide your statistical data on the "vast majority of people" and "serial cheaters or other commitment phobes"...there's plenty of data dealing with how you show people how to treat YOU. I view your post as your own opinion and you're entitled to it, as I am mine. What a load of crap. This is not true in the vast majority of cases, unless you are dealing with a serial cheater or other kind of commitment phobe. Always trying to make it seem like the BS is somehow enabling a cheater. Nope. Not the case. The person willing to cheat WITH the WS is the enabler. Sorry.
NoIDidn't Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 I I view your post as your own opinion and you're entitled to it, as I am mine. Chapter2 In my previous quote I took your name out as I was not trying to start a conversation with you about my opinion. I thank you, however for enabling me to be entitled to it.
Chapter2 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 When you pull a quote from someone, it doesn't really matter if you have eliminated their name. Its still their quote. Just as I expected you would respond, you have to know that calling someone's opinion a "load of crap" might draw a response. No need to thank me. Your opinion is yours and you are absolutely entitled to it. Take care. Chapter2 In my previous quote I took your name out as I was not trying to start a conversation with you about my opinion. I thank you, however for enabling me to be entitled to it.
Trimmer Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Because wanting the threesome with his wife and mistress shows her he's a pig; and telling her he was fantasizing about it shows her he's thoroughly insensitive and oblivious to her feelings. Who wouldn't be bothered to find out she's giving her love to an insensitive pig? Someone who had already realized that he is an insensitive pig - by the fact that he is betraying his wife and family by cheating. If you really think about it, if you find yourself stunned by this, your primary evidence of his piggish insensitivity, you're kind of missing the bigger picture, no?
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Maybe you should see how he feels if the tables were turned...would his ego be bale to take the possibility of you fantasising about him and maybe an ex-boyfriend. I'm guessing his Ego is too fragile for that, hence the absolute disregard for your feelings. Being an OW is hard enough without being subjected to this kind of insult. Being an OW where you're MM is separated, treats you with a great deal of respect, understands your pain - that's HARD. But what your MM is doing to you, SBT, it's CRUEL. It's like reminding you all in one swoop that he's married, that you're not the only person that he wants to sleep with, that he's still attached to his W in a sexual way, and in the end, that there's no future for you. All men joke around with fantasies in their head, that's how they're built. But by vocalising this fantasy he encapsulates your whole relationship - that it's about HIM, not YOU, not his W, just him.
norajane Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Someone who had already realized that he is an insensitive pig - by the fact that he is betraying his wife and family by cheating. If you really think about it, if you find yourself stunned by this, your primary evidence of his piggish insensitivity, you're kind of missing the bigger picture, no? Yes, I agree. But she already accepted the piggish side of him that would betray his wife. Now she's realizing his piggishness extends to her as well, that he would betray HER love as well, not just his wife. The shoe is on the other foot now as she starts to see that he is a pig, and not some star-crossed lover.
Trimmer Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Yes, I agree. But she already accepted the piggish side of him that would betray his wife. Now she's realizing his piggishness extends to her as well, that he would betray HER love as well, not just his wife. The shoe is on the other foot now as she starts to see that he is a pig, and not some star-crossed lover. So if you're saying that this may be an eye-opening realization, but not particularly a surprise, then I agree. That's my point, too.
Tomcat33 Posted May 6, 2007 Posted May 6, 2007 Chapter2 In my previous quote I took your name out as I was not trying to start a conversation with you about my opinion. I thank you, however for enabling me to be entitled to it. If you are not trying to start a conversation with someone about their view point, don't quote them. Stick to the topic the OP posted and that's that. Going back to the original post, SBT the guy is a selfish creep, he is really disrespecting you insinuating that you and his W could have a threesome. Even as a joke it is in veru poor taste given the situation you are in. That's a huge red flag. I agree with the thought that people treat you how you allow them to treat you. Of course you are not to blame for his lack of tact but if I were you I would not put up with a comment like that at all. What is your reaction when he says that? Has he said that to you more than once?
Author sadbuttrue Posted May 7, 2007 Author Posted May 7, 2007 tomcat, he has made references to me staying at his house, in his bed with his W. i try to play it off, but i realize i should let him know how much it does hurt me. he knows this would never happen, so there really is no point in saying such things out loud. he even joked at one time about me being his nanny of all things!!! i know i need to put a stop to this entire R.
Recommended Posts